by The Last Honest Guy
I feel like since birth I’ve been raised with all of these preconceived notions about men, love and relationships in general. I really wish there was some way to either prove or debunk a lot of these, because I feel like it’s these preconceived ideas that really get in the way of a lot of us and our search/path/journey/whatever to finding that one compatible person, where it’s not only their desirable characteristics and things in common that make them so right for us, but also how their flaws fit together with our own.
What I don’t understand is, while I try not to place too much stock in those preconceived notions of the opposite sex, I find myself getting really frustrated when playing the dating game. It feels like it’s practically impossible these days to grab a guy’s attention without being overly flirtatious and getting all up on him physically. I am somewhat shy and reserved, but I do like engaging new people in conversation. I don’t want to hang all over a guy I just met 5 minutes ago, because A) it makes me uncomfortable being touched a lot by people I don’t know, so I tend to assume others feel the same way and B) I’m not confident enough to assume someone I barely know even wants to be touched by me anyway. Are men really as simple as all my guy friends claim to be: “We’re only concerned with three things: food, sex and sleep. It’s YOU women that worry about everything else!”
My question ultimately is this: what is it that truly attracts men? I’ve always been told to be myself and be confident, but sometimes I feel like it’s not enough. Do men in general like it when women hang all over them, or flirt heavily with them? Do guys ever notice that shy one hanging back a little? Or if you ARE shy, do men just tend to perceive you as being frigid? To me, being shy doesn’t necessarily equate to lacking confidence. Some people are just more reserved than others. I just get frustrated when I feel like in order to get someone’s attention these days, I have to throw myself at them or risk being overlooked. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Well, Valentine’s Day is around the corner and you don’t know what to buy your boyfriend, husband, guy you like or significant other, right?
Luckily it doesn’t have to be such a hard decision this year because I’ve taken the time to make a list of 10 pretty unique Valentine’s Gifts for Him. In this list you will find gift ideas that range from just a few dollars to some that cost a couple of hundred. Only you can make the decision on what fits for your specific relationship.
I will also give you a current price, a short description of the item and an explanation of why this is a good choice of a gift for a guy. This will certainly cut down your research time and the headache of taking the time of doing it yourself. I know, you can thank me later.
So, lets start! (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
When a guy gives you mixed signals, it is tempting to ask, “Is he confused, or is he playing me?”
That question makes sense. Confusion can look like hot-and-cold behavior. So can selfishness. So can a guy who wants access to you without responsibility.
The mistake is trying to solve his psychology before you look at his pattern. You do not need to know every reason behind his behavior to decide whether it is good for you.
Reader Question: Is He Confused Or Just A Player?
I met this guy on an online dating site. He is two years older than me. We started texting, then met up about a month later.
The first time we met, he left me waiting outside in the cold for an hour. I had traveled 45 minutes to see him. We ended up hooking up in the back of his car for about 10 minutes before he left to go back to work.
After that, I told him I never wanted to see him again. He made a rude comment back to me, and I knew the whole thing was bad.
Then right before New Year’s, he started texting me again. At first I thought he was just trying to hook up, even though he was saying things like he wanted me for himself and calling me his “wifey.”
I met him again on New Year’s Eve, and afterward he texted me saying he was my boyfriend now. Later that week he wanted me to come all the way to his house or meet him at my friend’s apartment, but I was busy. He got mad and said, “Forget it.”
Then my phone got damaged, so I emailed him. He did not answer. I called him and asked to meet up, and he said he would message me instead. He never did.
I feel like I need a hard phone call from reality. If I knew this guy was sketchy, why did I keep going back? What is his deal? Is he confused, or is he just a player? Did I play my cards wrong?
The Honest Guy’s Answer
First things first: this guy is not some complicated mystery. From what you described, he is playing you.
He left you waiting outside in the cold. He hooked up with you in a rushed, careless way. He insulted you when you called him out. Then he came back around with sweet words when he wanted access again.
That is not confusion. That is a pattern.
And no, you did not “play your cards wrong.” This is not a card game. A guy who respects you does not need the perfect strategy from you before he treats you decently.
Quick Answer: Confused Men Still Show Respect
Quick answer: if he is confused but basically decent, he may be inconsistent, but he will still show respect. If he is playing you, he will use charm, sexual attention, guilt, or vague promises to keep you available while giving very little back.
The difference is not whether he says he likes you. The difference is whether his behavior protects your dignity or only serves his convenience.
What His Behavior Is Really Telling You
Look at the pattern without trying to make it romantic:
- He made you travel to him, then left you waiting.
- He treated the first meetup like it was mostly about sex.
- He insulted you when you pushed back.
- He disappeared, then came back when he wanted attention again.
- He used relationship language like “boyfriend” and “wifey” without relationship behavior.
- He got mad when you were not available on his terms.
- He ignored you when the situation was no longer convenient for him.
That is not a guy slowly figuring out his feelings. That is a guy who wants the benefits without the effort.
Signs He Is Actually Confused
A confused man may genuinely like you and still not know what he wants. That does happen. Men can be unsure, immature, scared, or not ready.
But confusion should still have limits.
- He admits he is unsure instead of pretending he is all in.
- He does not pressure you for sex, attention, or emotional labor while staying vague.
- He listens when you say the situation is hurting you.
- He respects your boundaries, even if he is not ready for commitment.
- His actions may be imperfect, but they are not cruel or degrading.
Confusion is not a free pass. But if he is confused and respectful, you can have a calm conversation and decide whether waiting makes sense for you.
Signs He Is Playing You
A guy who is playing you usually creates intensity without responsibility. He says enough to keep you attached, but his actions keep reminding you that your needs are not the priority.
- He shows up when he wants something, then disappears when you need clarity.
- He pushes physical intimacy faster than he builds trust.
- He gets angry or insulting when you do not give him what he wants.
- He makes big romantic comments that are not backed by behavior.
- He avoids basic transparency, like where he stands or whether he is seeing others.
- He leaves you feeling anxious, embarrassed, or disposable.
If this sounds familiar, read this next: 10 signs the guy you are dating is a player.
Do Not Confuse Chemistry With Character
Strong chemistry can make a bad pattern feel meaningful. If the physical connection is intense, you may start looking for a deeper explanation.
Maybe he is scared. Maybe he has feelings he cannot express. Maybe he is secretly serious but bad at showing it.
Maybe. But chemistry does not prove character.
A man can be attracted to you and still treat you carelessly. He can enjoy you and still not be good for you. He can say “you are my girlfriend now” and still act like a guy who only wants you when it is convenient.
What Women Often Get Wrong
Women often take sweet words from a man and use them to excuse bad behavior.
He called you his girl. He said he wanted you for himself. He acted jealous. He came back after disappearing.
Those things can feel meaningful, but they do not erase the pattern. A guy can use romantic words because they work. If saying “wifey” gets him access to you again, he may say it even if he has no intention of acting like a serious boyfriend.
Do not just listen to the words. Watch the behavior.
Why You Went Back Even Though You Saw The Red Flags
You asked why you kept going back when you already knew he was sketchy. The answer is not that you are stupid. The answer is that attention can feel powerful when you want the story to be different.
You liked the fantasy. You liked the chemistry. You liked the idea that maybe he really did want you and just did not know how to show it.
That does not make you weak. It makes you human. But once the evidence is clear, staying blind becomes a choice.
What You Should Do Next
- Stop meeting him on his terms.
- Stop rewarding disrespect with more access to you.
- Do not chase him for an explanation he has already given through his behavior.
- Do not confuse a late-night message with genuine effort.
- Use this as dating experience, not as proof that something is wrong with you.
- If you feel pressured, unsafe, or unable to say no, talk to someone you trust in real life.
What To Say If He Comes Back Again
You do not need a dramatic speech. You need a boundary you are actually willing to keep.
“I am not interested in keeping this going. The way you have treated me does not work for me, and I am moving on.”
Then stop debating. A boundary is not a negotiation.
The Honest Truth
Here is the honest truth: this guy is showing you player behavior, not harmless confusion. He may like the attention. He may like the sex. He may like knowing he can pull you back in with a few words.
But a man who respects you does not leave you waiting, insult you, use boyfriend language when it benefits him, and then disappear when you need basic effort.
The lesson is not that you played your cards wrong. The lesson is that you need to stop giving serious access to men who have not earned serious trust.
If you want help decoding what his behavior actually means, join the list and get the Honest Guy mixed signals checklist. If your situation has details that do not fit this article, send in your question. Sometimes the details change the answer.
