I have this ugly pattern in relationships with guys

I have this ugly pattern in relationships with guys

Q:

Hello,

I am happy that I found this site, you seem to be very helpful in giving relationship advices so I thought I should also ask you one myself since I also have a interpersonal relationship problem with guys that has been bothering me for quite a long time. I noticed that a same pattern repeats in every relationship I have with guys, whether they are just casual or a bit more serious one.

At first it’s always fine just like other people might have, but I end up sleeping with them and after that the spark is gone, well for them but on the other hand I become more emotionally attached to them. So whenever I think things will move on to the next level, they are gone. A lot of them just disappear without any explanation. I see this quite rude, I mean it is quite natural and normal for a person to suddenly lose interest or just don’t feel it anymore toward the other person without any reason, because I get that too sometimes, but at least I tell them in a nice, non-hurting way so they understand, I really hate, and a bit disturbing to some degree whenever those moments come where I notice they left and I get all paranoid, even to the point I get physical reactions like cold hands and I’m trembling in fear, just like a child thinking her mom may have disappeared and crying for her.

Maybe this has something to do with my attachment anxiety or something, but I also thought since a lot of them were who I met online so I thought I was just being too naive for believing what they only said too quick and being credulous, that I shouldn’t have taken it too seriously myself,.

Recently this guy I’ve known from elementary school through high school suddenly confessed that he liked me and we met and watched movies, but I made a mistake and slept with him on the first date, which I regret very much because I promised myself not to do this, and take things slow.

I also know now that guys kind of lose interest or in a way get disgusted by women who they quickly have sex with. I feel like I’m in a way tamed to be this way, like I don’t know how to be seen as a relationship material. I know at 23 years old, I am still young but I want to break this pattern and get the type of relationship I deserve. But I know I have to have self-respect first, but it is hard, I am thinking I should take some time alone for a while and just remain as good friends with the guy as well as other guys I might meet in the future.

But please, I want the real reason why guys think they can just get away with it, just leaving without a single word even when we didn’t have a fight, when we actually had a good time the last time we met, one guy would just stop talking to me after he last said he’ll call me few hours later, I am so confused, Thank you for reading this long message, I hope I get a reply from you. Thank you.

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I’ve been dating a newly divorced man

I’ve been dating a newly divorced man

I’m 51 and I’ve been dating a newly divorced man. He’s only been divorced for 3 months and although been out on dates, I’m the first he’s dated for any length of time (about 6 weeks) We have spent nights together and done pretty much everything except have actual intercourse. He says he told himself he was not doing that for at least 3 months. I don’t get it because essentially we have been having other forms of sex. Any ideas as to what’s going on? (more…)

Is it a surprise to find your man cheating when you refuse to put out?

Is it a surprise to find your man cheating when you refuse to put out?

Today I present you a guest post from a good friend of mine, Chrystal Rose from http://www.xtalrose.com. Together we tackle this question and present you the point of view of both a female and a male.

Female:

Well that’s an easy question: A surprise? No. This is men we‘re talking about here.

Sex is a barometer for a relationship. If you aren’t having any then you have problems bigger than sex. Creating sexual warfare by using it as a weapon is a surefire way to drive a wedge and resentment between you and your partner. Or if you fuck him 5 ways til Sunday only to change your tune when you get what you want– like engaged or married. As a woman you need to understand that what you’re not willing to do—some other woman will be. (more…)

How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend?

How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend?

How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend? Or how long should a girl wait to have sex with someone they are seriously interested in? Does hooking up too soon ruin the relationship?

Okay, so this is a really common question that always gets tons of different answers and crazy rules. What I’m going to do here is tell you how a guy thinks when it comes to having sex with a girl. Essentially this is what this site is all about, which is why is very beneficial for women to use it as a reliable source for having accurate information and access to the way guys really think.

Let me start by saying that a guy expects to get lucky the first night he meets you and definitely after officially becoming your boyfriend. However, I don’t recommend that you give it up right away if in fact, you’re looking for a serious relationship. What tends to happen is that a guy just loses interest in you because it was so easy to get in your pants and it didn’t really present a challenge. Remember that guys like challenges and the harder it is to get something, the more valuable it becomes to him.

It’s really just like anything in life, if something is easily obtainable you tend to not care so much if you lose it, but when something takes work and effort to get, the appreciation for it is enormous.

That’s exactly what you want to achieve with a guy. You want him to appreciate you and make it clear that having sex is not something you do with just anyone but instead is something you only do with someone who has become special to you and therefore has gained your appreciation to the point where you’re willing to take the relationship to the next level.

In reality, the way a relationship should go is in the following order:

1. Initial meet

2. Date for a while

3. Become exclusive

4. Become intimate

5. And eventually after a couple years if everything is still going well you make a life-long commitment to that special person.

Now, the amount of time for each one of those steps to last all depends on what feels right for BOTH of you. The important thing to keep in mind is that both of you have to feel the same way at the same time. This means that If you don’t feel ready to do something, you shouldn’t do it under any circumstances. This gives you full power to control step 4 (becoming intimate) and determining when the time is right. Just remember to always keep in mind that the harder you make it for a guy to get what he wants, the more he will appreciate it.

By the way, I’m not opposed to women not being free to sleep with whoever they feel like and as soon as they feel like. In fact, this is something I encourage women to do simply because I think it’s important for women to learn about their sexual needs and have experience before making a life-long commitment to anyone. I really hate to see women commit to who they think is the love of their life just to later find out that person doesn’t completely fulfill them sexually.

The real answer

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I crave his attention!!!

I crave his attention!!!

I have been dating my guy for almost 5 years, lived with him for 4.

 

Here’s the problem: I crave his attention, his body, his opinion…I want all of him as much as possible, yet I’m sensitive to his cues of “Go the F*&K away and leave me alone” which is…most of the time.

 

I had problems in the past being faithful (not with him, others) and since I’m more in love/lust every day, I believe he’s “Mr. Right.” He says, “We don’t get along well enough to even think about marriage.” (But what if it DOES work out? Hm?)

 

What would you suggest to get the daily dose of blow jobs/sex I so love to give/receive?

 

I don’t like sharing with other women/men, but I’m down for essentially anything else. (more…)

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