Category Archives: Relationships

I understand that he is busy, but should I still date him?

THE MAIN ISSUE:

I met a guy who is balancing a pretty interesting life. He is 20 years old and speaks English as a second language (technically still learning). Most people who see us together assume we are a couple or at least that he is interested in me. He also seems to have liked me for quite some time and has tried to make it official but would get intimated by my male friends. Recently, he has only hinted at the idea of a relationship with us. When he is around me he swings from confident to unsure of himself and usually only makes most of the effort when we are together (but does not initiate scheduling). The issue started when I began inviting him to a few events after he showed interest and stated that he wanted to see me again. Generally he would tell me why he was unavailable and suggest a better time; but on rare occasion he’d ask about the activity and not get back to me at all. My friends began to tell me he definitely wasn’t interested and that no guy is *too* busy for anyone (“He’s just not that into if…”). After listening to my friends (all females of course) I assumed he wasn’t interested as well and stopped trying to follow up with him. After a few weeks of not talking or meeting up, I asked if he wanted to hang out. He quickly started digging into me saying that we haven’t done anything we planned so far, how he doesn’t understand why, and it was upsetting to him. I suddenly became upset;

felt attacked, and asked him to go into detail. Sadly, the conversation was not productive. I had a difficult time explaining myself because I was so stunned. He seemed to be treating this situation as if we were in a relationship already. He completely shut down and then immediately tried to see me afterwards.

HIS LIFE:

He is in America with student visa and working so that he can support his family. He comes from a society that set males above females and is the only son in his family. The family that he lives with has taken him in as more of a fatherly figure. He takes care of all the children, drops and picks them up from places they need or want to be, monitors them, and teaches them things that a father would. His mother is constantly on his case about not having a son to brag about, calling it “embarrassing”. He is attending college and paying for it on his own, but she is upset because it is not internationally recognized. Now he is trying to pick his grades up so that he can transfer to a better school (that he won’t be able to afford anyway). She is very demanding and criticizes, what seems to be, most of his actions. He is unable to verbalize how he feels about her (good or bad) and generally just resorts to giving her material items to appease her. Meanwhile, he works weekends and late weekdays to pay utility bills and other cost of living that arise within the household. He has things of his own and is overall very self-sufficient. He always seems to have financial issues, most of which aren’t his burden to carry anyway. He’s also stingy and generally prefers not to use text much as it cost money and takes time, but will text occasionally and sometimes surprise me with gifts. He keeps a very small and close group of friends and can be found studying with them in his free time for long hours….or spending hours completely distressing.

QUESTIONS:

I understand that he is busy and tried not to be selfish by staying on his case about why we haven’t met. We both have stressful lives and clearly need to deal with what’s important first. But now I’m a bit confused and I’m not getting good advice from my rather emotional friends (about males in general actually).

1.) Do you also feel that he had a legitimate excuse or am I being dumb in believing him?

2.) What would be the best way to explain that I understand and empathize with him? As of now, I feel as though he thinks I’m more high maintenance than I truly am.

3.) I’m still a little shocked by him having a sudden outburst of emotion regarding the amount of time we’ve spent together. Why would he freak out like that and then suddenly get passive aggressive? Continue reading

My man won’t get a divorce!

We have been together 3 1/2 yrs. We have a 2 yr old daughter. After we had been together and were moving in together. I found out that his x was actually still his wife. He talks about getting a divorce. There are no children or financial ties with them. He has given me a ring but he makes absolutely no effort to divorce and make our commitment permanent. Part of me wants to kick him out the other part admits I total love him. I just don’t know if I should be more patient or loss and get off the pot. Continue reading

Did I deserve to really hear that from him?

Hi there. My question is simple. This afternoon, during a heated argument with the guy I was seeing, he boldly told me that here I was, at 32, with no accomplishments in life, and basically pointed out all my failures.

When I was about to break into tears (I must admit, he kinda hit a nerve), he started questioning me why I looked like I was about to cry. He then said that I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself, instead, I should be doing something about the situation.

Maybe what he said was true. But did I deserve to really hear that from him? It felt harsh. Your thoughts on the matter. Continue reading

I’m going on a date but I’m too shy, what should I do?

I went out one day to hang out with my friends and we went to the bowling alley. I saw this really hot guy that works there, let’s call him “Jeff.” He’s 30. So I find out that he’s this guy that was always asking my friend out(she works at the bowling alley, too) and they were telling me about him before, I just had no idea who he was. So my friend told me that she would always reject him when he asked, he even asked her to go to Barcelona with him (I dunno if that true or not, kinda weird, eh?). But, yeah so I guess he stopped asking eventually. So, I still thought he was an attractive guy even after I discovered he was that guy. I just had no idea that he’d be into me. So “Jeff” tells my friend to give me his number. But I never call him. So a couple of week pass by and then he finds me on facebook through a mutual friend (I commented on her status and I guess he saw that it was me). So he says “Hey, lets hang out” in his friend request. I don’t answer back for a couple of days and then all of a sudden I decide to send him a message (which I totally regret later). I just write “Hey.” and so he writes me back the next say, which surprises me, and he says “I wanna meet you, we should hang out this weekend maybe? here’s my #” So this is where my dilemma comes in! I am soooo shy! I’ve never really had a boyfriend before, I’ve had people I’ve been close with but it was never really anything official. But I’m like so shy, and that’s why I regret even saying anything to him in the first place. I do not know how to date. I will make a fool of myself. And I’m convinced that he may be using me because he feels rejected. I’m also on the plus side, so I have my doubts. I know none of this probably made any sense, but I need some advice please! Continue reading

Why does he keep going out with those girls instead of the real thing?

Dear, Thelasthonestguy

I DON’T GET THIS DUDE! Ok first of all this dude is the same everything as me (except in size). He’ll go out with someone the same complexion as me, now he goes with this girl that is the same size as me. Then he went out with this one girl that looks exactly like me (in the face),etc. And We go to a high school that puts you in a group and you have to go to all your classes with that group so I know he knows I’m here. I catch him looking at me like every five minutes or ten. But earlier in the year when I had my friend ask him did he like me he told everybody just a plain and simple NO. And every time he encounters me he does something kinda dumb to say (ex.*brings baby powder to my desk* and says “do you want some crack” or acts like he is about to punch me in the shoulder or kicks me). I am twice as pretty as any of the girls he dates and most of the time he tells his best friend (my cousin) that he does even like them. And he doesn’t know it but I have a BIG crush on him (not stalker type). Well basically what I want to know is does he like me? And why does keep going out with those girls instead of the real thing? (the fact that they’re just like me). Continue reading