by The Last Honest Guy
What kind of guy says “NO” to friends with benefits?
This is an easy answer and not one that you want to hear but I’ll say it anyways because, well I am The Last Honest Guy and this is what I do.
The kind of guy that says “no” to a friends with benefits is one that finds you too damn ugly to hit it even if he knows there’s no strings attached. Of course this generally applies to a single guy.
Sometime a guy who has a girlfriend or is in a relationship will say “no” because of obvious reasons, he values his relationship and doesn’t want to screw it up.
Another possible reason might be if a girl has a track record of being psycho. What I mean by this is that some women say they just want to be friends with benefits but in reality that’s not true. This situation can really turn ugly if the girl is psycho and don’t keep up with the agreement. Often times it brings a lot of drama or they easily become attached and want more than just sex. Also, when it’s time to move on they just can’t let go.
Ask yourself, are you like any of the above mentioned?
by The Last Honest Guy
About a year ago, I was introduced to a friend of my brothers and cousin at my grandmother’s visitation. Clearly, at that time, I had other things occupying my mind & I didn’t think a lot about seeing him again after that. After a while I thought about him occasionally because he didn’t really speak at the visitation & I just wondered who he was and what his story was.
Around 9 months later, he added me on Facebook. We would talk about once a month on there & he kept flirting with me. I had mentioned to my brother once on how I was interested in him & my brother mentioned it to our cousin who is his best friend. My cousin told him and he said he felt the same way. Let me go ahead and mention how I am 21 and he is 29. I know it’s a huge difference, but I’m not really your average 21 year old girl. He started talking to me on Facebook one night & gave me his number. The second I sent him a text he started calling me every other night.
What struck me as odd right off the bat, is that he wasn’t very fond of text messaging with me. I knew there was the possibility that he just wasn’t a fan of texting, so it didn’t bother me. We continued to get to know each other and he told me how he works a full time job & a lot of the time, he brings his work home. He rehearses in a band about 2-3 nights a week and has gigs every other weekend that he sometimes travels for. He also takes care of an older lady he lives with that took him in after he lost both of his parents within a period of two years. A lot of nights he had to get off the phone because he had to go do something for her and he would say, call me back in 15 minutes. One night I called him back and he never answered and I got my feelings hurt. The next day he apologized and said he appreciated how patient and accommodating I was being to his odd telephone etiquette.
After a week of phone conversation, he mentioned how he could not see me that weekend because he already had plans. The next weekend on Thursday night, he asked me to go out with him Friday night & we got together for a movie date. He was very sweet & I thought it was a great date. After that, the following week, we talked on the phone everyday while he still displayed odd behavior sometimes when I would message him and he would not respond to some of the messages. The following weekend, we spent time together again. This time he asked me a few days ahead of time. We had a great time and hugged each other goodnight.
Then the phone calls started becoming scattered, some text messages went unanswered, but then he would surprise me and call one night. Then, when I wasn’t even expecting him to, he asked me to see him the next weekend. We saw a movie and then came back to my house to watch another movie. When we watched the movie, for the first time, he kissed me several times. It was all initiated by him. At the end of the night we hugged goodnight and he asked if he could call me that night. He called me and we talked. The week after, he started acting very strange and I barely heard from him. Then he would call and say “I just wanted to call and make an appearance”.
About a week later I asked if I could talk to him and if he would call me when he got off work. I told him that I didn’t appreciate being ignored like I had been & he gave me this big long story about how he was trying to go places with his band and how we didn’t know each other well and how he wasn’t at a place in his life to dive into a relationship. Once he heard how I wasn’t in the mood to dive into a
relationship, all of a sudden he didn’t want to break it off. I thought, at the end of the conversation, we were basically done so I didn’t speak to him the rest of the day or the next day. The next night he called me like nothing happened and I thought things were fine again. Then after that, he doesn’t call me for 3 days.
Out of nowhere, I get a text 3 days later that says he saw me driving. We start talking and then he stops because his sister has a birthday he had to be at. I knew things were weird because of him not speaking
to me for 3 days because he’s never done that. I asked to speak with him that night when he was free. He told me, sure, that he would call. He never called that night. I sent him a message the next day telling him how I’ve never been anything but patient and good to him and that I didn’t deserve it. He called about 30 minutes after I sent it and I was too hurt to answer. He left a voicemail saying he didn’t call on purpose because he wanted to avoid the conversation because he knew what it was about.
He said he had typed out this really long text message to send to me but that he decided against sending that. He started saying how he didn’t like how my feelings kept getting inadvertently hurt. Then he
went on some thing on how he wasn’t in “dating mode” and how he didn’t see a relationship as a priority in his life. I asked him why he called me a few days before that then and he said “because I wanted it then”. He then went on saying how he didn’t see a relationship as a priority and that he has never been too into having a relationship, that other things were more important to him. He kept saying over and over again about how he wasn’t “scared.” He said that ever since his last relationship he hasn’t really been on the prowl or let himself go.
I was just extremely confused. I can’t figure out what I did wrong. All I did was care about him and like him. If he didn’t want a relationship, he shouldn’t have kissed me like he did. Of course it’s going to hurt me to kiss him for the first time, and then all of a sudden he starts acting weird and not wanting a relationship. The thing is though, I’m not the only person he ignores. My cousin is his best friend & he never returns my cousin’s calls or text messages. I can’t figure this guy out. I know I deserve better, I’m just trying to figure out where it all went wrong, or if it was doomed from the beginning. My cousin told me he was really messed up from his last relationship that lasted 8 months. He said I was the first girl he went after, after his breakup about 4 months later. He just went from pursuing me on Facebook and on the phone & going on dates, to kissing me and freaking out. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Q:
Hi, I am a 23-year-old girl/woman, who is looking for a decent guy. As it turns out, I am still a virgin; in part due to my upbringing in a fairly conservative society but more because I now find myself unable to simply give it away, so to speak. I am not psycho-religious, but I do think there is something to be said for waiting a few months, once you are past the puppy-love stage and know the person you date for who they are – I imagine it’s better for one’s heart [esp a girl] and for the relationship. Thus, whenever I meet a guy I feel obliged to explain that I will not have sex. [This is also in part because I am in a really tough grad program and I honestly don’t have time to spend on a guy when I feel like it won’t go anywhere. All around me, people a couple of dates into a relationship are more than ready to sleep with their new found love, and while I don’t judge them, I wonder if this is going to get in the way of me ever having a long-term relationship with anyone if they are just not willing to wait, because, clearly, there’s plenty of people OK with sex on the first or second date/meeting. I also wonder if my ‘being a virgin’ puts too much pressure on a guy/leads him to judge me in a way that isn’t completely accurate. Lastly, as I get older I don’t expect to find a fellow abstinent dude, but somewhere in the back of my mind is a fear of being with a guy who is much much more experienced than me, because the thought of being compared to other sexual partners galls me. Is that being ridiculous? Thanks!
(more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
I recently left my husband and began talkin to an old high school friend. We were close but never dated. We are having sex. He has a friend that recently moved in with him but it is temp. He says he loves me. Whenever I ask for money he always gives me more than I ask. We don’t talk much on the phone and we don’t spend anytime together. He also has other friends he told me about. I feel like what we do is all that’s gonna be between us. I know he likes me but its not enough. He has also been married twice. I feel like he is guarding himself. Should I run and don’t look back. I have strong feelings for him already. I’m so confused. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Dear Last Honest Guy,
I’ve taken your advice to move on to just casual dating (while focusing on my career/uni) and getting to know guys for who they are. I met the sweetest guy and I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months. We’re the same age, we’re doing our first year in university in the same city. He’s been in quite a few long term relationships, (one was with this girl Tania for a year and the other was with this girl Michelle for 3 years). There was this other girl Mary after Michelle but the whole point of that was that they ALL cheated on him. Now this guy probably has a knack for just choosing virgins who can’t deal with long distance relationship.
Apart from my boyfriend’s paranoia at the beginning and his depression (due to his schizo-affective disorder), I didn’t think there were any underlying problems between us. We enjoy each others company and hes my best friend in so many ways. At the beginning of our relationship we’ve told each other how many people we’ve slept with. He said 6 and I said 15 (including him). I understand its a large number and I swear to god I wish I was such a crazy nut last year. He didn’t initially say anything until he asked me how many people I’ve slept with since I’ve been to Canada (as I’ve lived in Hong Kong my whole life). I told him 9 because I thought it was the right thing to tell him. He didn’t really say much of it but it really hurt him and he kept on going about how he pictures me with 15 penises.
We’ve made up and everything. But for the sake of the future (if this relationship doesn’t work out) and I’m in a different relationship. Should I lie about how many people I’ve slept with? I understand I should choose a guy who accepts me for who I am including my stupid past history. I mean the fact that I’ve been with 16 people, its made me appreciate him for who he is so much more, and thats why hes “unique and special to me” Whereas he sees the opposite because I’ve done it with so many people, its not special anymore.
Whats more is that he says that having sex with so many people makes people disrespect you. I’ve always thought that girls having sex with many men because they can is a sign of female empowerment (too many sex and the city episodes?).
How many guys is “too many”? Is it considered better to have fallen in love with 16 people and slept with them or to have casual sex with 16 people? Why do some guys care so much and if they don’t care about it what does that mean? And should you really tell your partner your past sexual history? There just seems to be a lack of information about
this subject online. Except the “it’s just how society works” bull-crap.
Sincerely,
The girl in need of a third-person perspective (more…)
