Q:

Hi, I am a 23-year-old girl/woman, who is looking for a decent guy. As it turns out, I am still a virgin; in part due to my upbringing in a fairly conservative society but more because I now find myself unable to simply give it away, so to speak. I am not psycho-religious, but I do think there is something to be said for waiting a few months, once you are past the puppy-love stage and know the person you date for who they are – I imagine it’s better for one’s heart [esp a girl] and for the relationship. Thus, whenever I meet a guy I feel obliged to explain that I will not have sex. [This is also in part because I am in a really tough grad program and I honestly don’t have time to spend on a guy when I feel like it won’t go anywhere. All around me, people a couple of dates into a relationship are more than ready to sleep with their new found love, and while I don’t judge them, I wonder if this is going to get in the way of me ever having a long-term relationship with anyone if they are just not willing to wait, because, clearly, there’s plenty of people OK with sex on the first or second date/meeting. I also wonder if my ‘being a virgin’ puts too much pressure on a guy/leads him to judge me in a way that isn’t completely accurate. Lastly, as I get older I don’t expect to find a fellow abstinent dude, but somewhere in the back of my mind is a fear of being with a guy who is much much more experienced than me, because the thought of being compared to other sexual partners galls me. Is that being ridiculous? Thanks!

A:

OK, first things first; get laid as soon as possible! You’re 23, what are you waiting for?

Second, most guys that just want to get laid will definitely get scared of dating you knowing you’re a virgin. Generally, virgins are also categorized as “clingers” and hard to get rid of and that’s what you are to them. FYI: most guys in your age bracket just want to get laid.

Third, I do think that down the road you will feel inexperienced when it comes to sex and may cause you to feel insecure about yourself. Not to mention that the older you get, the weirder it will be.

My advice, since this is not a religious thing, is to just get it over with and have sex with a nice guy. I always recommend women to date casually and of course, have sex until they reach at least 25 years old. This allows you to finish school and also get to learn about your sexual needs. At the same time when it’s time to be serious about a relationship you will know exactly what you want and by this time you will also be dating guys that are a bit older and are also looking to settle down, not just players.