I have to constantly initiate sex!
Q:
After dating my BF (who is a year older than I) for about 3 years, I took a job 350 miles away.
As a bit of background, I was married for about 11 years and left my ex-husband in a very messy divorce.
My BF and I had ups and downs when I first left but decided to let the relationship be what it is. We see each other occasionally (he travels to me, I travel to him). He takes care of his elderly mother (admirable.. the kind of guy you want!) and I know he loves me a lot.
I am a very busy independent person who has a professional career and a son in high school so I don’t sit around waiting.
The problem is, despite the way I feel about him, I wonder if I should give up on this relationship? I enjoy my time with him and he has told me if it weren’t for his mother he would have made the move with me.
We are not getting any younger… am I just being impatient?
I have a pretty good idea of what I am looking for in a relationship and just about all of it exists with him. As I said, this isn’t some internet thing, we basically lived together when we were in the same town. As for me moving back, that isn’t an option at this point either…
A:
It’s clear to me that your career is way more important than your relationship with this guy. You already made the decision to move 350 miles away and that tells me that you’re only with him because you’re too afraid to just ends things. I understand that there’s nothing “wrong” with him and that makes it harder, but deep down I know that if he was a lot more important than anything else in your life, you would’ve declined the job and looked for something a lot closer.
My advice is to open up your options and perhaps ask him if he’s willing to be in an “open relationship”. This type of relationship allows both of you guys to meet new people but at the same time enjoy each other’s company when its feasible. Visit www.cirillas.com if you are looking for a way to improve your sexual relationship.
If someone better and closer to you comes a long, then you’re straight forward with him and end the relationship permanently.
At the same time, if his situation changes and he’s able to move closer to you in the future, you would then be able to continue where you left off.
I hope that helps.
The Last Honest Guy
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i dunno if he could be gay if they have sex up to this much “we can have sex between 3-5 times in a single day” that is a lot. Maybe he likes that you take charge. Lolly, why not simply… ask him why? XD
The only reason I bring up the gay thing is because I’m really concerned about the fact that he pretends to be sexually aroused when he’s clearly not.
:] I figured your answer might include the gay thing lol I listened to your podcast last week about the guy who turned out to be gay. But I think that’s far from where my boyfriend’s issue is lol he’s about as straight as any other guy I’ve dated. It’s funny though because I’ve asked him about being gay but he says he likes titties too much lol also I don’t think he’s lying about being aroused I think he’s just focused on my arousal. I dunno. But he was gone all last week posted in the field and when he came back he was so dominating and animalistic it was great 😀 he actually initiated sex before I even had the chance to lol
Or he finds it really attractive when you come on to him. I know I like it more when my girlfriend comes on to me, but I take the lead most times because that’s what she likes. Sometimes I am really into taking the lead, but I find it super attractive when she does. It’s a lot less stressful for her to take the lead, especially when I’ve had a stressful day. He could be the same way, especially with his job. It could just be a preference. Let him know that it turns you on when he takes the lead.
Yes! Communication is always a good way to go…
I have to say, my initial reaction was “momma’s boy”. Totally the kind of guy who always his laundry done for him, catered to pretty much his whole life. He’s never really had to initiate much. Especially, if you’re always initiating, you’re not giving him a challenge.
My whole approach is to appeal to basic human emotions. People like to be interested, intrigued, we LOVE to figure things out. My suggestion is to not be so transparent.
Though, now that I see how old this post is….I’d be super interested to know how things are today.
Hey guys 🙂 I just stopped by to see what was new and some so comments requesting to know the status of our sex life now lol “Soyouhaveagirlfriend” I loved your comment because my boyfriend has always worked his whole life for himself because both his parents were always working themselves. He’s absolutely self-sufficient and it’s quite refreshing lol We have been together for almost a year now and I managed to bring him out of his shell. I must say I was incredibly wrong about him. I think it just took him a bit to realize I wasn’t going to insult him like his ex.
all in all, I think I’ve turned him into a freak lol