by The Last Honest Guy
Q:
Long story short: My husband and I are both 31 and have a 4-year-old daughter. I love her more than anything, but we had her early on in our relationship. I went back to study when I was pregnant with her and we’ve struggled financially. Had to live with my controlling in-laws. They said they’d help us get back on our feet. Instead kicked us out and said they’d increase the days with my daughter at our place.
Fast forward- they never did and I begged my husband to do something. He was working a lot, has Aspergers (only found out later) and told me it was “my problem”. My husband blames me for everything and blames me for not working. I try EVERYTHING to get a part-time job.
My in-laws file for custody and get interim custody. My life feels like its falling apart.
Now: My husband constantly blames me for everything. He buys a franchise for me to work. But it’s been much harder than the company makes out. The fees are VERY HIGH and combined with rent, it’s been very stressful. We work together but it’s not working. I wish we never bought this business.
A:
Here at The Last Honest Guy, I pride myself on giving honest and wise advice from a neutral point of view. Since I don’t know you, I don’t have to sugar coat things or even try to be “nice” about the response I’m about to give you. This is what it’s referred to as “tough love”.
Sounds like you never learn from any of your mistakes and always wants to blame someone else for your misery.
In the brief description that you’ve given me, you’ve made up an excuse for practically everything that’s wrong in your life.
First, you made up an excuse for having a 4-year-old child by saying “we had her early on in our relationship”.
Your in-laws were kind enough to take your entire family in until you guys could get “back on your feet”, which honestly sounds like a bailout and probably the reason why you still haven’t learned to be self-sufficient, but you’re still complaining for them kicking you out sooner than you thought they would–which I’m sure they had a good reason for.
Then, your husband buys you your own business so that he can guarantee that you’ll never get fired from it, but yet, that’s still too much work and too stressful for you? Geez! Nothing in life is easy!
On top of all that, if I understood correctly, it sounds like your in-laws got custody of your child which doesn’t happen often unless you’re some kind of drug addict, drunk, have mental issues or you’re a violent person.
Quite honestly, based on everything you just said, I do think there’s way more to this story than what you’ve told me and I’m willing to bet that at 31, you do have some other kind of problem. I would highly recommend you take this analysis as a wakeup call and not as an insult. If you can do this, you are in the right track to admitting that you may have a more serious problem and hopefully you seek a professional to help you. Think about your daughter and realize that she derseves a better future with responsible and healthy parents.
by The Last Honest Guy
Long Distance Relationship Dilema
Q:
After dating my BF (who is a year older than I) for about 3 years, I took a job 350 miles away.
As a bit of background, I was married for about 11 years and left my ex-husband in a very messy divorce.
My BF and I had ups and downs when I first left but decided to let the relationship be what it is. We see each other occasionally (he travels to me, I travel to him). He takes care of his elderly mother (admirable.. the kind of guy you want!) and I know he loves me a lot.
I am a very busy independent person who has a professional career and a son in high school so I don’t sit around waiting.
The problem is, despite the way I feel about him, I wonder if I should give up on this relationship? I enjoy my time with him and he has told me if it weren’t for his mother he would have made the move with me.
We are not getting any younger… am I just being impatient?
I have a pretty good idea of what I am looking for in a relationship and just about all of it exists with him. As I said, this isn’t some internet thing, we basically lived together when we were in the same town. As for me moving back, that isn’t an option at this point either…
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by The Last Honest Guy
Is the guy you like too shy? Do this…
Q:
So, this guy in my grade, Josh, used to be my best friend in elementary school. Like best friends. When high school hit, we kind of faded apart. We’ve always had this vibe (a good one) through high school. Even though he has a girlfriend, he always gives me these looks. I’m a junior in high school now, so is he, and he just broke up with his girlfriend, He contacted me, he said hey, and we talked a little. He invited me to his wrestling match. I went, it was awesome, we got a picture. How do I know if he’ll start something, or get it rolling, I like him, but I don’t know if I should ask him out, I’d like to save myself from embarrassment. Because this happens a lot to me, I try too hard, and it ends bad. I like this guy, he’s kinda shy. What do I do?!
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by The Last Honest Guy
Has a guy ever told you he needs time to think? This is why…
Q:
Hello, I’m 18 and I met this guy 2 months ago and I really like and he liked me back too. But last week he told me that “his heart likes me but he’s afraid and confused and doesn’t understand his feelings and he just needs time to think-” HELP ME PLEASE
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by The Last Honest Guy
I have this ugly pattern in relationships with guys
Q:
Hello,
I am happy that I found this site, you seem to be very helpful in giving relationship advices so I thought I should also ask you one myself since I also have a interpersonal relationship problem with guys that has been bothering me for quite a long time. I noticed that a same pattern repeats in every relationship I have with guys, whether they are just casual or a bit more serious one.
At first it’s always fine just like other people might have, but I end up sleeping with them and after that the spark is gone, well for them but on the other hand I become more emotionally attached to them. So whenever I think things will move on to the next level, they are gone. A lot of them just disappear without any explanation. I see this quite rude, I mean it is quite natural and normal for a person to suddenly lose interest or just don’t feel it anymore toward the other person without any reason, because I get that too sometimes, but at least I tell them in a nice, non-hurting way so they understand, I really hate, and a bit disturbing to some degree whenever those moments come where I notice they left and I get all paranoid, even to the point I get physical reactions like cold hands and I’m trembling in fear, just like a child thinking her mom may have disappeared and crying for her.
Maybe this has something to do with my attachment anxiety or something, but I also thought since a lot of them were who I met online so I thought I was just being too naive for believing what they only said too quick and being credulous, that I shouldn’t have taken it too seriously myself,.
Recently this guy I’ve known from elementary school through high school suddenly confessed that he liked me and we met and watched movies, but I made a mistake and slept with him on the first date, which I regret very much because I promised myself not to do this, and take things slow.
I also know now that guys kind of lose interest or in a way get disgusted by women who they quickly have sex with. I feel like I’m in a way tamed to be this way, like I don’t know how to be seen as a relationship material. I know at 23 years old, I am still young but I want to break this pattern and get the type of relationship I deserve. But I know I have to have self-respect first, but it is hard, I am thinking I should take some time alone for a while and just remain as good friends with the guy as well as other guys I might meet in the future.
But please, I want the real reason why guys think they can just get away with it, just leaving without a single word even when we didn’t have a fight, when we actually had a good time the last time we met, one guy would just stop talking to me after he last said he’ll call me few hours later, I am so confused, Thank you for reading this long message, I hope I get a reply from you. Thank you.
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