by The Last Honest Guy
Dear the last honest guy,
I dated my ex for almost a year and everything seemed great. Then out of the blue he phones me and dumps me. He didn’t even have a reason prepared! Then later he texts me and blames everything on me. Then he insults me by saying ” I should’ve dumped you a long time ago”. Callous much? I was a good girlfriend and never cheated, even though I had plenty of opportunity. How could someone who used to love me be so heartless? How cruel can you get? Kind of wish I cheated now. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
A couple of weeks into the school year, a boy 2 years older than me and in my study hall asked around and found out my name and then contacted me on Facebook saying he was trying to get to know more Freshman. Right away he started telling me how pretty I was and how he thought he’d really like me a lot if he got to know me better, but asked me to keep quiet about what he was saying (he has a girlfriend of 2 years).
About a month later he broke up with his girlfriend and offered me his cell phone number and told me to call him if I wanted to so I gave him mine too. Over the next few weeks, he texted me for 2-3 hours almost every day continuing to say how pretty I am, how I seem cool, asking me to come to his football games, etc.
That went on for a few weeks and one Friday night when we were texting he told me he wanted to hang out with me some weekend, but we both had a lot going on for a few weeks so no plans were made. The following Monday he updated his Facebook status to in a relationship with his ex again.
Before they got back together he was staring at me constantly and smiling and wouldn’t look away when I would catch him. Once he got back with his ex, all contact stopped and he started looking away when I would catch him looking at me at school.
The no contact lasted for about 2.5 weeks. I texted him one night last week because a friend of mine wanted his cell number to ask him a question about a class they have together and I wanted to make sure it was ok with him to give it to her. He replied back yes and then started texting me like crazy because he found out that I like him, which makes me think he didn’t think I liked him and that’s why he went back with his ex. He was going crazy in his texts saying how he hated himself for going back to his ex because he could have been dating me the whole time and telling me I was beautiful and even texting me at midnight to say sweet dreams.
That went on for 2 days. He left school early the 2nd day and texted me as soon as school let out to say “Hi” and tell me he wished he could have seen me that day. He kept repeating how much he wants to date me so I told him that he needed to make a decision between me and his girlfriend and that I wasn’t going to wait around long for him. He told me he knew and that he was sorry and that he would make a decision soon, but he never came right out and said he’d break up with her and even said he didn’t know when I asked him right out. He then changed the subject and we continued to text for another hour.
I have not heard from him again since. He still stares at me constantly and does things to try and get my attention and then stares and smiles at me, but he has yet to actually speak to me in person. Part of him not talking to me in person might be because I’ve heard that his girlfriend gets really jealous whenever he talks to any other girl and they get into a big fight.
Is there any chance that this guy is going to break up with his girlfriend again and give us a chance? I don’t plan on waiting around for him and won’t date him or make initial contact while he’s still with her, but I have no interest in anyone else right now either so it makes it difficult to forget about him.
Thanks! (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Okay I have read your advice and I know you say to look for someone with the qualities that you want not make someone into what you want. Also you say to look for someone who likes doing the things you want (I assume like bringing flowers, saying compliments) instead of trying to force that on someone. What I can’t help but feel is, when a guy automatically does these things (typical nice guy) he would just do them for any girl and it makes us feel less special. I’m actually seeing a really nice guy right now but I just don’t feel special to him. I just feel like he’s overly nice and would be overly nice to
anyone he dates. Is it wrong to feel this way? Is it right to believe that we’re not really special to the nice guys?
Deep inside I guess I want a guy who doesn’t just do these things by nature for every girl he dates, he specifically does them for me. How do I date him and still feel special? Or how do I know that he does think I am special? (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Dear Last Honest Guy,
So I met this guy at a friend’s party on a Friday night. Never really noticed him as I was mingling with everybody. The following Tuesday he added me on facebook. When I accepted his friend request, he initiated a conversation on Facebook. Then he asked me out. Went out with him coz we had such an interesting conversation. We had a nice time. He asked me several times after that but I had other things to do. Then he left for Boston for a few days but he kept in touch with me. He asked me out again for when he gets back. We met at another friend’s party and we were supposed to go out that night but at the party he said he lost his phone. Anyway, I went back to my apartment since I really wasn’t sure if we were going out or what. He caught me again on facebook and said he waited for me but because there was no definite arrangement he knew he had to get online. He had to weather the cold to do so and I think wow, he must be into me to go through all that. (We can’t leave the party together.. as we both agreed it would not be in our best interest if our friends know that we are going out. There are a lot of things — race, religion, etc that complicates the whole set up. But this isn’t really what I want to ask about). (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
I’d been seeing this guy pretty steadily for about 3 months. We hung out once a week every week without missing a beat, and while we didn’t talk or text a lot during the week, we did make contact on an almost daily basis. To be fair, I never was sure what to call it. Mutual friends would ask “so what’s going on there?” and I would always shrug and say we were just hanging out. For the record, we’ve never even held hands or kissed.
After seeing him every week though, naturally I started to develop feelings for this guy. Not the kind where I would just DIE if he didn’t return them, but I certainly did like him and decided to broach the topic of “what are we and where do you see us going” (I even cringe when this comes up, but sometimes it’s a necessary evil). I wouldn’t have even bothered if this guy had made his intentions clear from the start, but he never really did. He ALWAYS talked about “the next time we hang out, we can do this” or “after I get better hours at my job, we can have more time together”, etc. etc.
Of course, when I asked him, instead of getting essentially a yes or no answer to my questions of whether or not he liked me and if he could see us moving into a relationship, I was blindsided by a big long explanation of how right now he’s “effed up in the head” and he doesn’t really feel anything for anyone, and that “it will get better” (um, what will get better?) and that he’s just been depressed lately, and his biggest concern is that we are able to just “hang out and have fun”. What, may I ask, in the hell does THAT mean? Naturally I can assume from all of that many things: he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t want a relationship, and I guess that he just wants to be friends. But why do I have to assume at all? Why couldn’t he just say “Right now I’m kind of messed up, so if it’s all right I’d like us just to be friends right now.”
Here’s my problem: ever since we discussed this, it’s been NOTHING but mixed signals. After we talked, he kicked up his attentiveness a notch. Nothing dramatic, but it was certainly noticeable and even my friends remarked that he seemed to be backpedaling on everything he said to me, and it felt like yes means no and no means yes. He started actually CALLING me more, even when I’m at work, which before he never really called
except when we had to finalize plans. He sent more text messages just to say have a good day at work. He wanted to hang out more than just once a week.
Last Wednesday I’d had enough. I called him over to talk to him and tell him that because he would not come out and define us (I don’t know why I need this definition so badly, but I do), I had to. I had to choose friendship for us, which is fine with me, but I did it because I needed to set a healthy boundary for myself. I cannot stand being in limbo, and regardless of what’s going on in his head or whatever, I was NOT okay with leaving things swimming around in the open. After I tried to tell him this though, he basically disregarded everything I said and reiterated everything he’d already told me about being depressed, being messed up, etc. etc. After that, I was just like whatever and reminded myself that even if he didn’t accept that I was choosing to be just friends right now, I still knew what I needed to and that alone made me feel better. Oh, and I tried to tell him he was sending me mixed signals and driving me crazy, but he insisted he wasn’t and was just being himself.
Sunday after Thanksgiving rolls around, I haven’t seen him at all during the weekend since he was with family which is just fine with me, and I get a call. It’s him, and I was a little confused as to why he was calling. When I asked him what was up, he told me literally “just checking in and seeing how your weekend is going”. Not a huge deal I guess is what I thought. I still thought it was weird (nice, but still weird), especially since he called it checking in (I don’t check in with anyone but significant others for instance), but talked to him a bit and continued on with my day.
Monday morning a mutual friend of ours who is quite close to me tells me something that pissed me right off. She says to me “So… he told my brother that he had to go over to see you last Wednesday and AGAIN clarify for you what he wants, and I was LIVID because I knew you called him over specifically to tell him you just wanted to be friends!” And since I had done exactly that, naturally I was extremely upset as well.
Why is he doing this? Does he honestly think he’s being perfectly clear in his behavior right now? Why is he telling people I’m acting like a dense, desperate girl who’s chasing him around and doesn’t get what he’s trying to say to me? Please, help me out here. And if I’m the one who’s overreacting and needs to be set straight, I’ll gladly hear it. I’m just sick of his behavior and his decision to misrepresent me to save face not only really made me upset, but it hurt me a lot too. I can’t help but feel a bit betrayed by that, because I never would have expected him to pull a stunt like that in a million years.
(more…)
