So, I’m not really into clingy

by The Last Honest Guy

Let’s get the easy stuff out of the way: I’m 22; the male in question is 21. We’re both ultra boring white kids who grew up in (insert laugh here) Catholic school, although not the same one.

So, I’m not really into clingy – something I’m sure to note to anyone with whom I speak, be it friend, foe, or significant other. Not so into the last one, as I don’t typically date.

I also have pre-defined relationship views and decisions (already made and ready to go) should I ever idiotically enter into one. They’re simple things, mostly…like telling the guy how often I am comfortable being contacted and how I get really easily annoyed if certain lines are crossed.

I make sure to tell whatever unfortunate male thinks dating me is a good idea in advance, and usually it works out rather well. (An example is my saying, “Hey, I’m perfectly okay with kissing…but not so into the sex thing, so don’t get too excited.” Insert a wink and a smile, and they’re usually already laughing. AND they respect the boundaries.)

Maybe I’ve just gotten lucky.

Whatever.

The male in question is respectful of those boundaries, although I feel they may have made him insecure, as he asks a lot of, “Do you think this is too clingy?” type questions. Or perhaps he’s just open to lines of communication. I was hoping for the latter, but…

Probably not the case in point. He’s um. You know. 21.

Anyway, lost my virginity to this kid about…oh, two days ago, and yesterday he called me and asked me to come over and stay the night. 1.) The dog is sick. 2.) Had been up since 5am, and was entirely too exhausted to drive two hours to see him. It was 6pm. 3.) Those two combined formed this sentence to him: Not tonight. Don’t get me wrong. I’m heartless, but I did explain the former two reasons as well.

So. 21. Yes. Must mention that again.

This morning, he calls with a “You know how I make rash decisions…?” and you can probably guess the rest from there, but he found another girl with whom to share his bed.

He sounded…apologetic on the phone.

I just said, “Well, best of luck in your new relationship.”

So that’s most of the situation. (Also, one of my pre-planned things. I don’t think it’s worth it to get mad over something like that. If he wants to be with someone else or, say, become upset enough to do it out of…whatever reason he did it… he’s more than welcome. I also don’t think it’s worth it to try and work it out when it happened so early on in the first place. Really,  thank high heavens. Later in the relationship may have led to my being less rational about it.)

Okay, so what I’m failing to understand is WHY OH WHY he’s being ridiculously clingy right now. I was assuming that I had done something (other than the not-coming-over thing) to prompt all of that. I’d assume that sleeping with someone else is one of those, “I don’t want to be with you anymore” things, or maybe he just thinks that’s okay and we can move on. Or even better yet, a way of saying, “I’m not that into you.”

I am so failing to understand this. My guess would be something along the lines of immaturity mixed with a strange understanding of how the world works (ie: that his behavior is okay because of whatever rationale he formed in his head to explain it away,) because he’s not giving me, “GO AWAY” signals. He’s giving me the exact opposite.

If I had said, “Yes, I am angry,” when he asked me if I was mad, would that have helped? Not really into lying, but still…Seriously.

WHAT is going on??? (more…)

A female chubby chaser?

by The Last Honest Guy

Ok… so I’ve been talking to and really enjoying this great guy I met through friends, my only issue is that he’s considerably larger than me, I’m 5’4, 105 lbs, he’s 6’0, 300+ (I’m bad a judging guy weight but he’s pretty huge), I don’t really know how any of the physical stuff would work….. HELP!! (more…)

Do you beg your boyfriend?

by The Last Honest Guy

Hi Honest Guy,

This past year, I was in a nine month relationship with an older guy (he’s 26 now and white), and things were great in the beginning. This is our second time dating, by the way. We were just like any other happy couple, until my trust issues started to kick in. I don’t know why they’re so bad, but I do feel like I hurt his pride/feelings in the process. It got to the point where he wanted to take a “break.” I really didn’t like the idea, and begged him not to do it. We ended up going along with it anyway, because I was really wanting to make things work.

It was rocky the whole time, and I think the final straw-breaker was me checking his e-mail and seeing a message from a dating site. At first, I thought he was using it actively, but then I found out he never deleted it the first time around. He wanted to end things

completely at that point.

I don’t remember what was said or what we did to come to an agreement, but he said that we could be friends and try to build our way up to what we were. In the mean time, he wanted me to go to counseling to work on my problems. I felt like we should both go (we both have problems). He agreed.

I started to think about the whole situation, and I realized that going to couple’s counseling without being a couple is sort of a silly idea, so I told him so. He got upset and said, “If you want to just end things, just do it.”

That really upset me. I called/texted and called some more. Of course, he ignored me. That seriously hurt my feelings.

He told me he’d call me later. Instead of calming down, I ended up texting and calling him more that night.

No reply.

I sent him a text the next day asking if this was something we could work out, or should we go our separate ways.

No reply.

So I called three days later to tell him I had a solution to our problem, and if he wanted to hear it, he should call me. If not, I understood.

No reply again.

We hadn’t talked in two weeks. I made a mistake of texting him, and saying, “Thanks for the break up. Made me realize that I had some issues. I hope we can be friends in the future. Until then, I hope you’re doing well.”

Should I just accept that things are over, or does he just need a break from us? And should I not have sent that last text message? (more…)