by The Last Honest Guy
How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend?
How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend? Or how long should a girl wait to have sex with someone they are seriously interested in? Does hooking up too soon ruin the relationship?
Okay, so this is a really common question that always gets tons of different answers and crazy rules. What I’m going to do here is tell you how a guy thinks when it comes to having sex with a girl. Essentially this is what this site is all about, which is why is very beneficial for women to use it as a reliable source for having accurate information and access to the way guys really think.
Let me start by saying that a guy expects to get lucky the first night he meets you and definitely after officially becoming your boyfriend. However, I don’t recommend that you give it up right away if in fact, you’re looking for a serious relationship. What tends to happen is that a guy just loses interest in you because it was so easy to get in your pants and it didn’t really present a challenge. Remember that guys like challenges and the harder it is to get something, the more valuable it becomes to him.
It’s really just like anything in life, if something is easily obtainable you tend to not care so much if you lose it, but when something takes work and effort to get, the appreciation for it is enormous.
That’s exactly what you want to achieve with a guy. You want him to appreciate you and make it clear that having sex is not something you do with just anyone but instead is something you only do with someone who has become special to you and therefore has gained your appreciation to the point where you’re willing to take the relationship to the next level.
In reality, the way a relationship should go is in the following order:
1. Initial meet
2. Date for a while
3. Become exclusive
4. Become intimate
5. And eventually after a couple years if everything is still going well you make a life-long commitment to that special person.
Now, the amount of time for each one of those steps to last all depends on what feels right for BOTH of you. The important thing to keep in mind is that both of you have to feel the same way at the same time. This means that If you don’t feel ready to do something, you shouldn’t do it under any circumstances. This gives you full power to control step 4 (becoming intimate) and determining when the time is right. Just remember to always keep in mind that the harder you make it for a guy to get what he wants, the more he will appreciate it.
By the way, I’m not opposed to women not being free to sleep with whoever they feel like and as soon as they feel like. In fact, this is something I encourage women to do simply because I think it’s important for women to learn about their sexual needs and have experience before making a life-long commitment to anyone. I really hate to see women commit to who they think is the love of their life just to later find out that person doesn’t completely fulfill them sexually.
The real answer
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by The Last Honest Guy
Dear Last Honest Guy,
Last night I was talking to new acquaintances and we started talking about first loves. I always thought guys forget their first loves easily. I was surprised that these 3 guys were all in agreement that they are never truly over their first loves — or if ever they are, they never really forgot. So I am curious…
You see, I had a wonderful first love. Yet I broke up with him 8 years ago. We still loved each other so much. I broke up with him because I was young and was just… scared. We belonged to different churches and I was getting more active in my church. The break up dragged on because we still loved each other…
I dated a guy from my church but it never worked out. My thoughts would always go back to my first love. I tried to get my ex back but I was told “There’s no more love left in me. For you. Or for anyone else”
He hasn’t had a girlfriend. I know he dates and all that.. but no girlfriend until now.
I moved halfway around the world to get over him.. But I still am haunted by thoughts of him. Even when I don’t think of him, he appears in my dreams.
Add to that, each time I try to resolve that I will forget him, something always happens — like his brother telling me he still loves me. Or my high school coach telling me that she asked him if there is a chance that we can get back together. He just kept silent. A NO would have been easier said. Maybe I am over thinking. Also, random stories from his coworkers reach me too. My ex works in our old high school (where we met) and his coworker tells me a story about how my ex was playing with this student’s hair. The student complained and asked my ex why he always plays with her hair. Another student said that the girl student should just let my ex be as her hair reminds my ex of my hair. I have no idea how these students even know my name or of my existence. My ex just blushed and walked away. This is according to his coworker (who happens to be a guy).
I can’t help but think that maybe he is not over me. Am I over thinking it? Am I being overly optimistic? Should I just go on and live my life and forget him?
The last time we talked he admitted to me that he hasn’t written any poetry the way he used to. I was his muse when we were dating.
I maybe thinking a lot. So set me straight Last Honest Guy.
I really need a guy’s POV. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
I don’t get guys. I’ve been going out with this guy for about three weeks. We have a college class together. The last time we went out he said that he’s never been in a serious relationship and he only hooks up. He said that he isn’t looking for a relationship or anything really. I told him I don’t do that. In his car we were talking and he thought we were exclusive. How can you be exclusive with someone and not in a relationship? I told him I did not want to be exclusive with someone I am not in a relationship with and he seemed really upset. Then when I saw him about 5 days later he told me he wants to be
exclusive, again I said no. What is wrong with this guy? Am I wrong for thinking that exclusiveness and relationships are pretty much hand in hand? I don’t even want to date him anymore because obviously we’re not on the same page. I do appreciate his honesty but now he is being very confusing.
Also he thought we were being exclusive and yet he still went to the movies with another girl. What is wrong with this dude? He said nothing happened but I really don’t trust him. I get really bad vibes. It doesn’t matter what happened (I never thought we were exclusive) it just matters if he’s lying. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
A few weeks ago I got out of a two and a half year relationship that, well, wasn’t so healthy. Basically my ex was flirting with other girls behind my back, after an episode a year ago of full-blown infidelity. I have trust issues because of it, and am going to be very picky when even talking to someone else. I’m looking to start dating again, at the very least meeting new guys. A few months ago I met a lady at a job I had, and we became friends pretty quickly. We both no longer work there, so I don’t get to see her much – which is why I was happy to drive 45 minutes to her house to hang out with her and her family for the first time.
Now, I’ve seen pictures of her son online, and I’m very attracted to him. I just get a very good vibe from him, and know he is the type I would definitely be interested in dating, or pursuing a relationship with, He’s the same age as me, 22 years old. I know he also had just gotten out of a relationship, and he’s still hurting from it. His mom (my friend) actually asked him about meeting me and he told her he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend and was looking for ‘rebound girls’. I did get to finally meet him the night I went to her house. He lives in another state, but was visiting for a few days.
I must say I was quite nervous. We said hi when we were introduced, and those were basically the only words exchanged. I think it might have been a bit awkward because his mom already asked him about me. I am normally a shy person, but since I felt so comfortable around his mom and I really liked the atmosphere, I opened up quite a bit. I spent several hours there hanging out, and though I talked to everyone else present (his brother, brother’s girlfriend, step-dad, etc.) I didn’t get to talk to him at all, even though we sat next to each other part of the night. He had been sitting on the other side of the room, but when I got back from using the restroom he had moved to the chair next to mine – although, that’s where his phone charger was, and he was frequently texting. The purpose of the get-together was to watch a fighting event on tv, so that accounted for some of the lack of conversation. He’s actually a fighter, so is his brother, so they were really into the program. He was complaining all night that he was tired, because of the beer he was drinking, so not too long after the event was over he went upstairs to sleep.
I REALLY like this guy. I’m trying not to come on too strong, because honestly I doubt he returns my interest. But at the same time, I know he’s still recovering from his last relationship. Also, I don’t know him too well, and this could be his normal behavior. I’m friends with him online but have never had a conversation with him there either. From your experience, does this sound like a case of ‘he’s just not that into you’? He IS going on dates, from what his mom said; so he does have some current interest in the opposite sex. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
My boyfriend of 5 months dumped me and I don’t know why. He is in ROTC and moving to Pensacola this summer and I told him I would move with him. We moved kind of fast and we discussed marrying each other and having kids. 3 days before we broke up we went to my cousins wedding and I introduced him to everyone and we were lovey dovey and we laughed when I caught the bouquet. He just said that he doesn’t know if he can do it anymore because he “just doesn’t do relationships”. He has been the best boyfriend and always wanting to work at it when I don’t. He says he still loves me and cares for me. He has mentioned that his parents divorce messed him up and what a bad guy his dad is. I don’t want to let him go. He is my first love and I know we can make it work. What can I do?
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