by The Last Honest Guy
In the beginning we were really good friends but due to mutual attraction things became “awkward” pretty quickly. As time went on we continued to become very close & he seemed to be falling hard. He often took time out of his schedule to see me, brought me meaningful gifts, ditched his friends to hang out, was happy doing nothing but just be with me, constantly placed me in future, would try to initiate hand holding or relationship discussions but shied away, sent text and called back regularly. I also began noticing he would get jealous quickly or would not talk (only stare) other days. As we continued to talk he stopped initiating contact unless he was trying to apologize for missing a date. Eventually, he stopped responding to every text but his actions in person were more apparent and frequent. After trying to ask me out but shying away he stopped initiating contact. While he would always answer and would express the desire to meet up or date things were never the same. A few months went by and I found myself feeling really hurt because I lost both a good friendship and someone I cared about romantically.
A few weeks ago, we ran into each other again. Despite not initiating contact or even responding to it for the past few months, he seemed unusually excited to see me. While I tried ignoring him, he kept trying to get my attention. He had a wide smile on his face, his eyebrows were higher than normal, kept giving shy waves and big waves, and tried to maintain eye contact. A guy friend of mine joined and I noticed he became less talkative, would not look directly at me, stared at the ground, and his feet pointed inward. Once my friend left, he seemed to open up but he seemed stiff with his movements. When he would open up, face towards me, or make eye contact he would literally “snap” the other way. At one point, when he would laugh, he would make sure to stop it and would only look at me from the side or when I wasn’t looking. He also kept placing objects of his closer to me and kept sharing my drink with me. He told me to call him if *I* wanted to talk and stayed to finish the conversation with me before leaving with a friend.
Oddly enough, when we talked he acted as if nothing had happened. He began opening up about all of his worries and hinting about coming over to visit or talking again soon. He also kept bringing up past memories and conversations and refused to get off the phone for any sort of distraction. It seemed to go really well and I thought we were going to be friends again (if not more—the conversation became progressively romantic). I ended the conversation because I was busy and he told me to call him again as well as promised to call himself. However, when I called him twice afterward the phone continued to ring and he never picked up.
What did I do wrong? From what I mentioned, does it seem as if he has no interest in talking to me again? Why does he seem to show interest and then “disappear”? I’m currently receiving pressure from friends to contact him again (social reasons) and I’m curious about contacting him myself, but I’m reluctant to do so because I feel as if he doesn’t want me in his life.
I apologize for the length and thanks for reading.
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by The Last Honest Guy
3 months ago I caught my now ex boyfriend with another woman. (she happens to be his now ex best friends baby mama) He tried to say it wasn’t like that but I didn’t fall for it and turns out it was like that. I moved home to live with my parents. She has since then quit her job and moved in with her 2 kids. I’ve been with this man since we were 17. I got pregnant when I was 21. He said he wasn’t ready to marry and we should take it slow. I loved him so I gave him that. The idea was that when my son turned 5 we would get married. Obviously he was ready to settle down just not with me. He hid her for 8 months before I found out. Anyway I’m confused. He chose her but has never stopped telling me he was sorry and that he loves me. He blows up my phone saying he misses me, he’s not happy without me and she could never take my place. (BUT SHE DID) He wants to see me and take me out but I won’t allow it. I had to have my mom escort my son to him when he picks him up because every time I saw him for that second he would try to kiss me or grab me. He once followed me to a friend’s house and wanted to know who lived there. 2 months went by and last night I escorted my son partially because I wanted to see him and because my mom was getting tired of dealing with it all. He saw I had my phone and snatched it from my hand to see the last caller which happened to be a male friend. He questioned me and got angry then peeled out. I don’t know what is going on with him and I don’t know how to handle any of this. I love him and miss him too but I don’t trust him. I feel like everything was a lie and I don’t think I could ever take him back. I want to do what is best for my son and maintain dignity but this is hard. Can you please help me understand why he did this to me and continues to behave like this? I’m lost.
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by The Last Honest Guy
I’ve been seeing this guy for nearly 3 months now. The Sunday before last (so 10/31) I asked the question we all love to hate: are we just friends? Before I launch into his response, here’s some background on the two of us.
I moved to MD from NY on August 1st. I’m 28 with a bachelor’s degree and I work in the marketing end of health care at a large academic hospital system. I hate this job and plan on starting nursing school soon. Anyway, a week after I moved here, I met a guy (32, RN, divorced finalized 2 years ago) through my house mate at a party she had at our place. We chatted a great deal at the party. I saw him out a couple more times after that, the following week at yet another mutual friend’s housewarming party, and then a few days later at a bar celebration for a different mutual friend’s birthday. The Saturday following our friend’s birthday, he called me up and asked me if I wanted to go out (which shocked the hell out of me, because he wasn’t really on my radar, so to speak).
Ever since our first date, we have seen each other every single weekend with the exception of ONE, when I had to go back to NY to tie up some loose ends. For actual one-on-one dates we’ve had about 7-8, but thanks to our ridiculously large circle of mutual friends, I have more than enough opportunity to see him at multiple gatherings.
Recently he invited me to go out with him, one of his two absolute best friends, and his friend’s girlfriend, which went well. He started a new job in mid-September working from 3 PM to 11:30 PM, and I was positive I wouldn’t see him at all, but he has kept up the trend of wanting to see me at least once a week, even if it’s just for lunch before he goes to work. We do not have a physical relationship right now (we haven’t even kissed), but he’s always had very positive body language (lots of eye contact, leans forward and listens closely and all that), and whenever he does touch me, it’s respectful touches on my hand, arm or back. And of course we always hug when we part.
Our friends have volunteered all of the information about his past relationships, including his ex wife. I didn’t even have to ask and I actually knew a lot about it before he ever asked me out. He even gave me an overview on our first date of all his relationships, minus his marriage (he said I could ask my housemate about his ex wife). From what I understand, every woman he’s dated has been emotionally unstable, extremely dependent, and needed to be “fixed” in some way. I learned that his ex wife proposed to him after dating him for 9 months, and after a year of being married, he is the one who filed for divorce because she would literally come home from work and go straight to bed, and sleep through the entire night. The others were clingy, or needy or just crazy according to our friends (one mixed narcotics with alcohol often). And my friends always say he’s co-dependent this and co-dependent that. Everyone sort of knows we’ve been hanging out, but it’s not like I get interrogated anytime our friends see me out and about. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Hi, thanks for taking my question!
OK, my husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now, and we are very happy. We love to do fun things together, and to just chill out at home. He works outside of the home, while I work from home, so our time together is precious.
Here’s the issue:
Last year, we had to move across our state because my husband got a new job. Because we hadn’t sold our house in our old town yet, we had to stay with his parents for 9 months (which we were very grateful for). That being said–it drove us nearly insane. Thankfully, we got our own place in August, and are now feeling free and easy. His family, however, feels that we don’t spend enough time with them. Admittedly, we like to keep to ourselves, as we were counseled before we got married to “make our marriage THE priority.” We do visit every now and then, and we recently saw his parents at a wedding, but after 9 months of living with them (and basically with the rest of the family, who were constantly at their house, at least 4-5 times per week)…we need a little breathing space. When we were living at our old house, we didn’t see the family every week, so why should we be expected to see them every week now?
Also, they try and make us feel guilty about not spending enough time with our niece and nephews (4 kids in total). While we love the kids, and do want to spend time with them, we don’t have kids of our own, so children really aren’t our top focus right now, our marriage is, as well as our careers (which are just starting and require a ton of focus). We do try and spend time with them (we just invited them to a Christmas sleepover at our new place, which we still haven’t received a response from yet!), just not every day or week.
My main issue is the fact that the problem is not between my husband and me…he freely admits that his family is out of control and tries to avoid their drama as much as possible. We just want to get settled in our marriage, and build a happy home and life together. We don’t want to completely shut anyone out, but we do want some space and peace. Are we being “selfish” and inconsiderate (as his family has said) or are we just trying to make a decent life for ourselves while we can?
Thanks! (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
About 6 months ago, I went on a couple of dates with a mutual friend of some really good friends of mine. I do not usually date a lot of people, considering that I almost always am the one that gets hurt, but I figured why not and decided to see what would happen. We both have similar personalities, interests, sense of humor, etc… so it was always fun spending time together. He is a recovering addict and has been sober for about 5 years, but he made it perfectly clear that my drinking/partying habits were not a problem with him. He was very persistent about hanging out together and would always make plans to hang out again before the present date had ended so I just assumed things were going well.
After about 3 weeks of hanging out, he called out of the blue to say that we should stop seeing each other before anything else happened. (Side note: Although he spent the night multiple times, we never had sex. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just get nervous when I actually like a guy.) I asked him what happened, because I thought we were just having fun, and his response was “I can’t seem to put a finger on it…”
6 months later, we still talk (almost daily) and have become very good friends. However, he continues to act somewhat flirtatious around me and I feel like there is something still there, but I can’t tell if that is just his personality. I feel like the more time I spend with him, more and more the situation doesn’t make sense, and I become more frustrated.
I really would like to talk to him about everything, but I am somewhat reluctant because I don’t want to ruin our new friendship. I am not good at serious conversations either. I try to avoid them in all situations when possible. I am just torn on what to do. What do you think about the situation? What is a good way to deal this? Should I just talk to him and get it over with? I am such a retard when it comes to dating and relationships I literally have no idea what to do. And I hate getting friends involved. (more…)
