I have a crush on my secret friend but I’m married…

by The Last Honest Guy

Im a married woman who is having a “secret” friendship with my hubbys buddy/workmate. We get along so well, text each other on a daily basis. I started to have feelings for him. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband, and would never cheat on him. My guy friend has never come on to me and Im almost positive hes NOT into me. I don’t think I can continue this friendship because we sadly have to hide it and Im crushing on him. How do I save face and end our friendship without letting him know Im into him? How do I get over this crush on him? Should I confess to my hubby that we’ve had this secret friendship? He probably would never believe it has always been strictly platonic 🙁
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In love with a prison inmate

by The Last Honest Guy

My names Jenn, I’m 39 – I met Iain (also 39) 5 yrs ago when he came to my house to visit my flatmate. Initially, he came across a bit arrogant for my liking and it took a few visits for me to break the ice. Despite the slightly frosty beginning we found we had a lot in common and became fast friends. We were both in relationships that had passed their use-by date, a subject we often discussed, among others. Over the next few months we hung out at my place often, spending hours working on his car (something we both enjoyed) and we talked, talked and talked. Sometimes it was just the two of us but more often than not other friends were around including my partner whom I lived with. His partner was rarely with him when he’d come over. Although I only looked at him as a friend, I enjoyed spending time with him and it was mutual, it was an easy comraderie, with lots of humour and teasing. I was unaware of any controversy regarding the two of us, until a mutual friend pulled me aside one day and told me people had begun to talk about Iain and I and about how friendly we appeared to be getting. I dismissed the gossip as ridiculous but to my surprise our friend agreed, adding she’d begun to suspect something more intimate had happened between us. Even though I assured her it hadn’t, she maintained our familiar behaviour with each other said otherwise. I started to reflect on our interaction, we were very comfortable with each other, conversation flowed with little effort, laughter punctuated most of our discussions, he was a natural flirt and I had to admit, I enjoyed his attention. A few days after my discussion with our friend Iain pointed out that he’d noticed my partner didn’t like he and I spending so much time together – I scoffed at the suggestion, my partner is one of the least jealous personalities I know, but once it was pointed out I begun to notice the signs and was frankly dismayed. It was time I acknowledged to myself at least, that there was something developing between us and I had some thinking to do. One night a few days later Iain turned up at home, his partner in the car, refusing to come in and for the first time ever he looked angry. He and his partner had been arguing furiously so he was off to drop her home. During the 10min he was there, his ph rung at least 6 times – guess who! Clearly disturbed he got up to leave, he uttered a few expletives and something like “she has got to go – I cant stand her anymore”! He left then, promising to return the next day. The following day I didn’t hear from him at all, I txt and called, ph was off. Then I got a call from a mutual friend – Iain and an old friend of his had been caught up in a shooting and someone was dead – they were both in jail on charges of assault and murder. When I got the news I excused myself and went to the bathroom – as the reality of what had happened began to sink in, I began to cry, I sat and sobbed uncontrollably. It was in those moments that I realised how much the man had begun to mean to me – the thought that I might not see him for a month was bad enough, but possibly years, I couldn’t bear the thought, I felt his absence more keenly than I could ever have imagined. 4yrs on he is serving a prison sentence which should see him out in another year (for the record he didn’t hurt or kill anyone – his mate did and it happened before he could stop it). Those events served of course to not only change his life irrevocably but to also hinder any progression in our relationship, incredibly – we are both still with the same partners! We talk on the ph every day – I visit him once a week, I take care of anything he needs in there, liaise with his lawyer when required, write any letters he may need, contact anyone he needs to contact, in short I do everything his partner SHOULD do – he maintains she couldn’t manage half of it! I’d help him with anything if he needed it – and even being where he is he is a great friend. That however is the problem – for some reason since his incarceration he has become blind to his partners many faults and lack of support and caring, where as before he would point it out and discuss it, now he denies it and hides it, making out like everything is rosy! There have been rumours of infidelity and even a terminated pregnancy – he brushes it off as rumours and changes the subject. Our friendship now is as solid as a friendship can be – like I said we talk daily and I often write to him about all kinds of things – he loves getting the letters and shares them with fellow inmates much to my consternation. He is a little less confident of himself since being inside, he hugs and kisses me on the cheek when we see each other but he does it shyly without the arrogance of before. I regularly make him blush and stumble over his words but we are still as comfortable as ever and it is always a surprise how quickly the two hour visits pass. Long story short, I love him, like I have never loved another. Although my partner still lives with me, we haven’t shared a bed for 4 years and have agreed we are now just friends -Iain is aware of this. What confuses me now is why he continues to hold on to his washed up relationship? I have never told him how I feel – if he hadn’t been dragged away that night four years ago I believe the “talk” would have taken place ages ago. But because he continues his farcical relationship, I don’t feel confident sharing my true feelings and sometimes I think maybe the connection I thought we had is all in my head??  For four years I have been his friend, loyal, reliable, optimistic and supportive, that will never change. But I need to know whether the attraction truly is mutual, if it isn’t the sooner I know the better. Please help me figure out what I should do from here? Do I show him my cards now, wait till he’s out? Would he have spoken up by now if he had feelings for me (in a guys opinion?)? I wont be surprised if this one goes in the too hard basket – it’s a bit of a mess I know but he and I are teenagers no more and I believe it’s worth every bit of trouble and I will be praying that you think so too and are willing to help this hopeless romantic through this frightening but exciting journey! Please please please help me sort this out.
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Should I just hold on and continue the “best friend” role?”

by The Last Honest Guy

I am in a difficult situation right now and dont know what to do, to start off I used to date this guy, we will call him T. Well one day I was at his house just hanging out, and a couple of his friends came over, one of them being his cousin (e) that I had never met before. Well, to make a long story short, the attraction was there since first sight, and after that, he just seemed to always be around. One night after a night out with a group of us, E and I met up down the road and went driving around together, nothing sexual happened, just deep conversations and it felt like I had known him for years, well this back and forth talking everyday and hanging out went on for a couple months with nothing further than that because we both knew that the situation was wrong because of him being related to the guy I was dating. I knew that I had way stronger feelings for E than I did for T and just more of a connection, so I ended things with T. Well, shortly after that E and I went out together one night and things starting happening very quickly, he was the sweetest, most caring guy I had ever met, our relationship went to another level after that and we had sex. Everything was fine after that, more like perfect, until about 2 months later when T confronted E about our situation and told him that they are family and nothing needs to come between that, including me, and just let E know that he was hurt about what we were doing. Shortly after that, E ended things with me after a long talk and deciding that we should just be friends until the situation calmed down with his family. I understood and agreed, but now it has been about 6 months since that day, and we are and have been strictly friends since then, nothing at all extra, we still hang out all the time , talk and text all day, still give each other the same looks that we used to, and all of my same feelings for him are still there. I just dont know how he feels and I am afraid to tell him how I feel because I feel like he doesnt feel the same way anymore that he used to. Everyone else says that they think he still has deeper feelings for me, but I dont know if he really does because if someone asks him what we are, he always says “best friends, thats it” it hurts me because I want things back the way they used to be, but I am afraid of rejection, and ever more terrified of losing him all together. Should I just hold on and continue the “best friend” role, or tell him how I feel?
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Am I fooling myself that maybe he will realize his true feelings?

by The Last Honest Guy

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 9 months ago because he can’t accept that I have kids from a previous marriage (he’s 26, I’m 31) He says he doesn’t believe he loves me, but I feel like he does. We had a great relationship, great chemistry, are best friends, and are compatible in many areas. For 9 months we still continue to talk and see each other, and neither of us have wanted to fully stop. He seems confused, as he is trying to move on, but doesn’t want to let go of me. Am I fooling myself that maybe he will realize his true feelings?

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