by The Last Honest Guy
These days it seems like you’d be hard-pressed to find a marriage that truly lasts. Ten years in and people call it quits because they’re bored or no longer attracted to each other. They forget how hopeful there were, how in love they were and decide to throw in the towel rather than work it out. Granted, some people should get divorced because, perhaps, they should have never gotten married to begin with, but what about the rest? Are they lazy or just short-sighted? Just this past week I went to a beautiful 60 thousand dollar wedding only to have it bookended with the news of two fresh divorces, one to a newly married couple and one not so new.
Is there hope? Can our relationships last the test of time? Can we be like our grandparents who have made it 40+ years or are our times different?
With the advent of internet and social media, I think it does get harder to build and maintain a healthy and happy marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Prove to everyone else that you don’t have to be apart of the 50% divorce statistic. You can do so by using some of these relationship building tips whether you’re getting married, want to get married or already are.
Communication is single-handedly the most important aspect of your marriage. You are doomed to fail if you can’t communicate effectively with one another. Be open about your needs, emotions, fears and desires. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Bottling up your emotions won’t get you anywhere and will ultimately cause you to be resentful. Talk through your issues, work on the disagreements and as the old adage goes, never go to bed angry.
Honesty and trust fall shortly behind communication. What’s the point in being together if you can’t trust each other? Jealousy can be the fast track to frustration and separation. Keep your fears in check by being honest with each other and being able to trust one another. Effectively communicating will in turn help you build up these two aspects.
Keeping your sex life interesting is also very important. You want the fire to burn, the desire to grow and still feel insatiable towards one another, because without sex, what do you have? A really great best friend. There will be times when you go through ruts, when you get bored and even when you’re not attracted to one another. You’re going to have to work on it. It will take attention, creativity and communication. And hey, sometimes even just a little dirty talk and some nice lingerie can go a long way.
You’ll also want to set goals with one another, as they give you something to both work towards and be apart of. Think of career aspirations, travels, and even personal hobbies that you would like to focus on and set goals to reach them together. Doing so will help you build a stronger bond and greater sense of personal satisfaction.
Money can become a major issue in marriages. You may even find that it becomes your biggest fight. Avoid yelling over the bills by setting a budget from the get go. Figure out what you make, what your bills are and how you can both feasibly leave within if not under your means. Discuss big purchases and remember that it isn’t just you and your own bank account anymore. The days of going out to buy expensive shoes on a whim just may be over. For now.
Make a commitment to each other that you will make time to talk to one another daily, spend time with one another and to actively work on your marriage. Recognize that there will be hard times physically, mentally and emotionally and commit to be there for one another during those moments. Marriage isn’t going to be easy, but it can be great and very rewarding. Get there by keeping each other in the present and reminding each other why you wanted to married in the first place.
Finally, have your own life. The key to a happy marriage starts within yourself. Your partner can’t be responsible for your happiness, you gotta get there on your own. So maintain your own friends, hobbies and interests. Do what makes you feel good and happy and in turn, your partner will be happy too.
by The Last Honest Guy
So, there is this guy and we were friends over the summer but slowly grew apart. One night I wasn’t myself and I freaked out at him because I felt like he didn’t care and didn’t even want to be my friend. The next couple weeks I ignored him when he came up to me in the halls and I would avoid him as much as I could cause I didn’t want to face him.
He soon started to leave me alone and I started slowly talking to him a little more but it was pretty awkward. Another night I was talking to my best friends ex boyfriend (they were still together at the time) and I was telling him that the guy wanted to steal my best friend from him because that’s what I had heard from some other people including his really good friend. The next day my friends ex told the other guy what I said and nothing has been the same, I am friends with some of his friends and they all tell me that he hates me and thinks I am annoying and he never talks to me in the halls. I have tried to apologize but he blocked my number (I think) and I can’t get up the courage to face him in person. He talks to my friends but never even gives me on glance. I get messages from his friends that i am not friends asking if I like him just to piss me off but, I don’t know if
there is an actual reason behind it other than that. I miss talking to him and I really still like him but there are soo many reasons why I shouldn’t like him and it hurts to see him and know that he pretty much hates my guts. I am usually really good at getting over guys but not with him. I feel like there is a reason why I can’t get over him and so I am waiting it out. Should I give up on him or keep fighting for him? If I should give him up then how do I move on? If keep fighting then how do I get him back? Please help! (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
I will make this as short as I possible can… I will call the man I am speaking of “Tony” when referring to him. Before now, Tony and I knew each other on a “hi/bye” level for several years.. We have mutual friends so throughout the years we would run into each other from time to time… A few times he made comments to me like “If you were single, you’d be my girl” but I never paid much attention to it. In August 2012, I requested to be his friend on facebook and immediately I received a message from him. We exchanged phone numbers and have been “friends since.” He asked me out several times before I finally gave in one morning when he asked me to breakfast. He would send me good morning texts just about everyday as well as text me multiple times throughout the day. About two months into our “friendship” and 3 dates later, I slept by his house and I slept w/him…I never had a bad intuition about it or anything… He called the next day, and the next and things continued good… He attended my birthday party, he seemed interested in my life and my opinions on things, he remembers the little things, blah, blah, blah… And I strarted to grow feeling for him.. Through the months of us talking, we have gone to eat or have a drink several times and continued seeing each other… Not once did we talk about “us.” As time past, I could feel him fading away/losing interest… Instead of texting everyday, it would be maybe once every 2 or 3 days… but never did he go more than 4 or 5 days w/o being in contact. Sometimes if I didnt hear from him for a day or two I would contact him.. Everytime he came back around I would be right there and everytime he would ask me to do something I would say yes.. I finally decided to tell him that I have realized that I put myself in a position where I am going to get hurt and that if I was going to continue to “give myself” to someone, I expected to be worth their time and effort.. I did not give him an ultimatum nor was I demanding, I was just expressing how I felt..He responded by saying he is so glad that I am honest and he would want nothing less that for me to be honest but that he is just not ready for a relationship. He went on to say that he recently got out of a long relationship and he had a bad taste in his mouth for ladies and that I opened his eyes.. blah blah! I told him I understood and completely respected the way he felt and agreed to remain friends. Unfortunately, I did the stupidest thing ever and have slept with him twice since! He still keeps in touch but not nearly as much. I have pulled back within the last week and have not contacted him at all. I just need a mans opinion on a few things…. What should I do that would give me the best chance to potentially have something with him? or am I kidding myself? Is he playing me like a fiddle and laughing at me or is he emotionally unavailable ? What do you suggest I do that would result in him having respect for me but also realizing that I do care for him but wont be played for a fool? (or is it too late for all that?)
PLEASE HELP! (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
I’m 51 and I’ve been dating a newly divorced man. He’s only been divorced for 3 months and although been out on dates, I’m the first he’s dated for any length of time (about 6 weeks) We have spent nights together and done pretty much everything except have actual intercourse. He says he told himself he was not doing that for at least 3 months. I don’t get it because essentially we have been having other forms of sex. Any ideas as to what’s going on? (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Im a married woman who is having a “secret” friendship with my hubbys buddy/workmate. We get along so well, text each other on a daily basis. I started to have feelings for him. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband, and would never cheat on him. My guy friend has never come on to me and Im almost positive hes NOT into me. I don’t think I can continue this friendship because we sadly have to hide it and Im crushing on him. How do I save face and end our friendship without letting him know Im into him? How do I get over this crush on him? Should I confess to my hubby that we’ve had this secret friendship? He probably would never believe it has always been strictly platonic 🙁
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