by The Last Honest Guy
I’ve been seeing this guy for nearly 3 months now. The Sunday before last (so 10/31) I asked the question we all love to hate: are we just friends? Before I launch into his response, here’s some background on the two of us.
I moved to MD from NY on August 1st. I’m 28 with a bachelor’s degree and I work in the marketing end of health care at a large academic hospital system. I hate this job and plan on starting nursing school soon. Anyway, a week after I moved here, I met a guy (32, RN, divorced finalized 2 years ago) through my house mate at a party she had at our place. We chatted a great deal at the party. I saw him out a couple more times after that, the following week at yet another mutual friend’s housewarming party, and then a few days later at a bar celebration for a different mutual friend’s birthday. The Saturday following our friend’s birthday, he called me up and asked me if I wanted to go out (which shocked the hell out of me, because he wasn’t really on my radar, so to speak).
Ever since our first date, we have seen each other every single weekend with the exception of ONE, when I had to go back to NY to tie up some loose ends. For actual one-on-one dates we’ve had about 7-8, but thanks to our ridiculously large circle of mutual friends, I have more than enough opportunity to see him at multiple gatherings.
Recently he invited me to go out with him, one of his two absolute best friends, and his friend’s girlfriend, which went well. He started a new job in mid-September working from 3 PM to 11:30 PM, and I was positive I wouldn’t see him at all, but he has kept up the trend of wanting to see me at least once a week, even if it’s just for lunch before he goes to work. We do not have a physical relationship right now (we haven’t even kissed), but he’s always had very positive body language (lots of eye contact, leans forward and listens closely and all that), and whenever he does touch me, it’s respectful touches on my hand, arm or back. And of course we always hug when we part.
Our friends have volunteered all of the information about his past relationships, including his ex wife. I didn’t even have to ask and I actually knew a lot about it before he ever asked me out. He even gave me an overview on our first date of all his relationships, minus his marriage (he said I could ask my housemate about his ex wife). From what I understand, every woman he’s dated has been emotionally unstable, extremely dependent, and needed to be “fixed” in some way. I learned that his ex wife proposed to him after dating him for 9 months, and after a year of being married, he is the one who filed for divorce because she would literally come home from work and go straight to bed, and sleep through the entire night. The others were clingy, or needy or just crazy according to our friends (one mixed narcotics with alcohol often). And my friends always say he’s co-dependent this and co-dependent that. Everyone sort of knows we’ve been hanging out, but it’s not like I get interrogated anytime our friends see me out and about. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Hi, thanks for taking my question!
OK, my husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now, and we are very happy. We love to do fun things together, and to just chill out at home. He works outside of the home, while I work from home, so our time together is precious.
Here’s the issue:
Last year, we had to move across our state because my husband got a new job. Because we hadn’t sold our house in our old town yet, we had to stay with his parents for 9 months (which we were very grateful for). That being said–it drove us nearly insane. Thankfully, we got our own place in August, and are now feeling free and easy. His family, however, feels that we don’t spend enough time with them. Admittedly, we like to keep to ourselves, as we were counseled before we got married to “make our marriage THE priority.” We do visit every now and then, and we recently saw his parents at a wedding, but after 9 months of living with them (and basically with the rest of the family, who were constantly at their house, at least 4-5 times per week)…we need a little breathing space. When we were living at our old house, we didn’t see the family every week, so why should we be expected to see them every week now?
Also, they try and make us feel guilty about not spending enough time with our niece and nephews (4 kids in total). While we love the kids, and do want to spend time with them, we don’t have kids of our own, so children really aren’t our top focus right now, our marriage is, as well as our careers (which are just starting and require a ton of focus). We do try and spend time with them (we just invited them to a Christmas sleepover at our new place, which we still haven’t received a response from yet!), just not every day or week.
My main issue is the fact that the problem is not between my husband and me…he freely admits that his family is out of control and tries to avoid their drama as much as possible. We just want to get settled in our marriage, and build a happy home and life together. We don’t want to completely shut anyone out, but we do want some space and peace. Are we being “selfish” and inconsiderate (as his family has said) or are we just trying to make a decent life for ourselves while we can?
Thanks! (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
About 6 months ago, I went on a couple of dates with a mutual friend of some really good friends of mine. I do not usually date a lot of people, considering that I almost always am the one that gets hurt, but I figured why not and decided to see what would happen. We both have similar personalities, interests, sense of humor, etc… so it was always fun spending time together. He is a recovering addict and has been sober for about 5 years, but he made it perfectly clear that my drinking/partying habits were not a problem with him. He was very persistent about hanging out together and would always make plans to hang out again before the present date had ended so I just assumed things were going well.
After about 3 weeks of hanging out, he called out of the blue to say that we should stop seeing each other before anything else happened. (Side note: Although he spent the night multiple times, we never had sex. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just get nervous when I actually like a guy.) I asked him what happened, because I thought we were just having fun, and his response was “I can’t seem to put a finger on it…”
6 months later, we still talk (almost daily) and have become very good friends. However, he continues to act somewhat flirtatious around me and I feel like there is something still there, but I can’t tell if that is just his personality. I feel like the more time I spend with him, more and more the situation doesn’t make sense, and I become more frustrated.
I really would like to talk to him about everything, but I am somewhat reluctant because I don’t want to ruin our new friendship. I am not good at serious conversations either. I try to avoid them in all situations when possible. I am just torn on what to do. What do you think about the situation? What is a good way to deal this? Should I just talk to him and get it over with? I am such a retard when it comes to dating and relationships I literally have no idea what to do. And I hate getting friends involved. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend?
How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend? Or how long should a girl wait to have sex with someone they are seriously interested in? Does hooking up too soon ruin the relationship?
Okay, so this is a really common question that always gets tons of different answers and crazy rules. What I’m going to do here is tell you how a guy thinks when it comes to having sex with a girl. Essentially this is what this site is all about, which is why is very beneficial for women to use it as a reliable source for having accurate information and access to the way guys really think.
Let me start by saying that a guy expects to get lucky the first night he meets you and definitely after officially becoming your boyfriend. However, I don’t recommend that you give it up right away if in fact, you’re looking for a serious relationship. What tends to happen is that a guy just loses interest in you because it was so easy to get in your pants and it didn’t really present a challenge. Remember that guys like challenges and the harder it is to get something, the more valuable it becomes to him.
It’s really just like anything in life, if something is easily obtainable you tend to not care so much if you lose it, but when something takes work and effort to get, the appreciation for it is enormous.
That’s exactly what you want to achieve with a guy. You want him to appreciate you and make it clear that having sex is not something you do with just anyone but instead is something you only do with someone who has become special to you and therefore has gained your appreciation to the point where you’re willing to take the relationship to the next level.
In reality, the way a relationship should go is in the following order:
1. Initial meet
2. Date for a while
3. Become exclusive
4. Become intimate
5. And eventually after a couple years if everything is still going well you make a life-long commitment to that special person.
Now, the amount of time for each one of those steps to last all depends on what feels right for BOTH of you. The important thing to keep in mind is that both of you have to feel the same way at the same time. This means that If you don’t feel ready to do something, you shouldn’t do it under any circumstances. This gives you full power to control step 4 (becoming intimate) and determining when the time is right. Just remember to always keep in mind that the harder you make it for a guy to get what he wants, the more he will appreciate it.
By the way, I’m not opposed to women not being free to sleep with whoever they feel like and as soon as they feel like. In fact, this is something I encourage women to do simply because I think it’s important for women to learn about their sexual needs and have experience before making a life-long commitment to anyone. I really hate to see women commit to who they think is the love of their life just to later find out that person doesn’t completely fulfill them sexually.
The real answer
(more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Dear Last Honest Guy,
Last night I was talking to new acquaintances and we started talking about first loves. I always thought guys forget their first loves easily. I was surprised that these 3 guys were all in agreement that they are never truly over their first loves — or if ever they are, they never really forgot. So I am curious…
You see, I had a wonderful first love. Yet I broke up with him 8 years ago. We still loved each other so much. I broke up with him because I was young and was just… scared. We belonged to different churches and I was getting more active in my church. The break up dragged on because we still loved each other…
I dated a guy from my church but it never worked out. My thoughts would always go back to my first love. I tried to get my ex back but I was told “There’s no more love left in me. For you. Or for anyone else”
He hasn’t had a girlfriend. I know he dates and all that.. but no girlfriend until now.
I moved halfway around the world to get over him.. But I still am haunted by thoughts of him. Even when I don’t think of him, he appears in my dreams.
Add to that, each time I try to resolve that I will forget him, something always happens — like his brother telling me he still loves me. Or my high school coach telling me that she asked him if there is a chance that we can get back together. He just kept silent. A NO would have been easier said. Maybe I am over thinking. Also, random stories from his coworkers reach me too. My ex works in our old high school (where we met) and his coworker tells me a story about how my ex was playing with this student’s hair. The student complained and asked my ex why he always plays with her hair. Another student said that the girl student should just let my ex be as her hair reminds my ex of my hair. I have no idea how these students even know my name or of my existence. My ex just blushed and walked away. This is according to his coworker (who happens to be a guy).
I can’t help but think that maybe he is not over me. Am I over thinking it? Am I being overly optimistic? Should I just go on and live my life and forget him?
The last time we talked he admitted to me that he hasn’t written any poetry the way he used to. I was his muse when we were dating.
I maybe thinking a lot. So set me straight Last Honest Guy.
I really need a guy’s POV. (more…)
