by The Last Honest Guy
Lost, Confused but Willing to Love
Q:
Hi! I came across your site as I was looking for a bit of clarity in my own “relationship” with a guy friend of mine. He’s 29(almost 30 in two months,) I’m 28. We met on a dating site over a year ago and we became fast friends, Talking almost every day and staying up until the wee hours of morning just talking and texting each other. He’s a really amazing person and, over time, I ended up falling for him. However, about three months after we met, (around March of 2014), he started dating a woman who was 20 years older than he; she didn’t like that he and I were so close and I didn’t see or hear from him much during that time, and she didn’t want me to see him. The relationship fell through some months later and we were closer than ever. This time, I wasn’t going to lose him again: on July 9( my late father’s 55th birthday) I told him how I felt and that I wanted to be with him(it was the most nerve wracking and most worthwhile thing I have ever done!). While he was flattered that I did this, he said that he wasn’t looking for a relationship(due to his ex gf hurting him) and at that time, was concentrating on finding a new job and moving out on his own. I understood his choice and for the most part, I keep my feelings for him to myself.
He eventually got a better(albeit a tad stressful) job in Florida and moved there in October. We’ve managed to keep in touch as much as we can, but lately it feels like I am bugging him a little with wanting to talk to him and with checking up on him. Sometimes he responds to my texts, and sometimes he doesn’t, but I can’t help but feel like he’s holding back a little-he talks to his other friends a lot more than he does with me, and I think that it has a lot to do with how he thinks of me as a person. Bottom line- I care for him. A lot. I may even be so bold as to say that, in fact, I may even be in love with him. I think of him a lot at times (even when I’m very, very busy) and I dream of the day when I could tell him “I love you” and he can open up his heart to me.
So far, we’re still friends, but I feel that there’s so much confusion now. I never know how he thinks or feels(or what he thinks of me); I don’t know if he just can’t tell me or doesn’t want to tell me and I genuinely want to know. I understand that he has a life of his own and he has responsibilities now, but I don’t want to harm him or cause him pain. I only want to be apart of his life and give him love. I feel as though I’m in a way paying for the way his ex gf treated him, and I can’t seem to get closer to him. And I want to. So badly. I want to be with him and gladly be a gf he deserves but I just can’t get through to him. Sometimes I feel so stupid that I want to be with him so bad, that I take an interest in his life that I admit, I do overdo it with texting him and contacting him. He may think that it’s just easier to blow me off whenever and talk to his friends, but to me, it makes me feel as though I don’t matter to him anymore when he means everything to me.
Did I make a mistake to always be there for him, to try and love him and never abandon him? Am I wrong for wanting to be apart of his life and to be more closer to him, even though he is clearly treating me differently than he treats his friends. I wish I knew what was going on in his head, I wish I was let into his world and I had a chance to give him love. If I had just one chance to show him love, I would tell him that I love him every day and night, to be there to believe in him and support his dreams and to stand by him. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. Please tell me what do you think of this? I love him so much but I’m so confused. I feel like I’m not his friend, but I’m not his girlfriend, either(even though it would be a dream come true for me) so I’m stuck in the vast nothingness of the friend zone/relationship limbo. What’s your take on this? (Sorry for the long diatribe, by the way)
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by The Last Honest Guy
I’ve dated some real Aholes in my time and have never gotten any regret or apology. And they just keep doing the same thing. Eg one guy turned up drunk to a second date with his best mate. Then asked ME to take them home. I was alone and didn’t have central locking at the time. A few months later the same guy contacted me and begged me back- only to never meet me. Then blow up MY phone with verbally abusive messages. Regretfully I deleted them and didn’t go to the police. Then I look on Facebook and this sick guy is in a relationship? What the he’ll?
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by The Last Honest Guy
Q:
This may be a silly question but after reading your response to ” how long should I wait” I felt more compelled to ask it.. My sexual history is somewhat colorful… I made a lot of very poor choices very early on, my very first boyfriend I only made wait a month, mostly because I was young and he was substantially older than me and I felt pressure, from that point on I continued to be frivolous with my body and never felt any real emotional connection to sex, I found it very impersonal actually… I never saw it as a very intimate act, it was something I did for fun… well I grew up… that all that ended a couple years ago, I’m now 29 and its been close to a year since I’ve had sex with anyone at all. This doesn’t bother me as I very rarely date, I’m taken a lot of time for myself. I recently started talking to a man… I’m very practical, I don’t believe in throwing all you have into someone right off the bat, I find that to be a recipe for disaster, so i try to remain reserved at first for the most part for my own protections, this may be flaw I’m honestly not sure. But he and I have spent time together about 6 times over the last two weeks, he did wait until the 6th time we spent time together to even kiss me, which I appreciate a great deal, I should also mention that we work together and have for a long period of time before ever beginning to see each other… now the first time he kissed me was slightly more hot in heavy than id have planned..it was like having one of those all out high school make out sessions and maybe its possible that my brain is trained to think this way…. but the entire time I was thinking… hes going to want this to go further, hes going to want to have sex… I’m not ready for that I don’t want to do that yet… in between kissing I finally just said ” i feel like I’m frustrating you” or “I don’t want you to get frustrated” i forget how I worded it… he told me he wasn’t frustrated at all and he wouldn’t have it any other way… you see here is my issue, because I’ve treated it so causally in the past I almost feel like I’m not entitled to change and want to wait… and I know you said in your previous answer to do other things like oral and hand jobs but I’m not really comfortable with that either…Id like to wait until there is a deep emotional connection, id like to experience that for the first time with someone I already had some pretty strong feelings for, to maybe try and experience the intimacy…but I’m no spring chicken I’m 29 and he is a few years older than me and I worry it will be found as childish or dumb, I’m not sure at all how to go about it, its very new territory for me, and I’ve spent so much time avoiding dating that I really don’t want mess this up, Id like to see it go somewhere.. I could use a little guidance, I apologize for the long question, I really hope to hear back from you.
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by The Last Honest Guy
Q:
Hi, I’m a 52 years old woman and would like to know if you confirmed plans the day before to meet but were stood up by a no show/ no call is this being disrespectful to the other person?
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by The Last Honest Guy
Q:
My ex and I have known each other for 16 years. dated for 81/2 yrs. He left me a year ago. I went no contact for about the whole year. I was pretty devastated. He then started to get in touch with me. Fast forward to now. We recently slept together a few times. He has made it clear he still has feelings for me. I’ve been pretty casual about it because I don’t want to pressure him & he’s in school full time. Sunday I was at a concert by myself & he texted me asking to help him watch his dog. I told him where I was & he flipped out on me. He said I’m doing “gay ****” all the time.that all his friends are there for him & I haven’t been & that he’ll never ask me for help again. I was shocked cause I’m always there.Even after everything that’s happened between us.”You’re clearly moving on & doing stupid ****. I’ll do my thing,you do yours, whatever it is this time” Hes ignored me all month. His response was he’s busy with work & school & his bands. Then he says “I’d always be there for you if you asked, you have not been. I told him I’d help him & like an idiot left the concert. he stopped answering his phone & was like “I have **** to do bye my phones dyn” so I said “thanks for making me feel like a one night stand, the nights we spent together actually meant something to me. I’m not moving on I’m in love with you asshole” haven’t talked to him since.Whats his problem? All cause I went to a concert? Any men out there that can tell me why he’s so cruel. I feel like a sucker. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Q:
A couple of months ago I was joking around on Twitter with a guy I thought was cute, but he is also the lead singer of an up and coming band. When I say “up and coming” I mean, they are still the opener for the opener. Either way, they are gaining popularity so that’s good, but I am fully aware of what comes along with lead singers. So after a few brief direct messages on Twitter he gave me his number. During that time they were on tour and for the next 3 weeks we were texting all day, every day. Once he got home, both of our schedules filled up and communication went from daily to weekly. About 2 weeks ago he sent me the dates and venues for the next tour he is going on, and asked if he was coming close. I said he was about 3 hours away but said I would make it but I would just need a hotel. He said that he had to make some sleeping arrangements as well for a few more cities, including the one I will see him in. Jokingly I said he could stay with me, as we have been discussing a date from day 1. He agreed and when I asked about the other guys in the band he said he was tackling that next. I have travel points and can get hotels for pretty cheap so I told him I would take care of it to take the stress off. After that night though, communication has just halted. I know he is extremely busy, as am I, but why wont he text back? Also, I found his personal facebook this morning and am wondering if it would be creepy to friend request him? Help. Please. (more…)
