One word to define this guy: immature!

by The Last Honest Guy

I’d been seeing this guy pretty steadily for about 3 months. We hung out once a week every week without missing a beat, and while we didn’t talk or text a lot during the week, we did make contact on an almost daily basis. To be fair, I never was sure what to call it. Mutual friends would ask “so what’s going on there?” and I would always shrug and say we were just hanging out. For the record, we’ve never even held hands or kissed.

After seeing him every week though, naturally I started to develop feelings for this guy. Not the kind where I would just DIE if he didn’t return them, but I certainly did like him and decided to broach the topic of “what are we and where do you see us going” (I even cringe when this comes up, but sometimes it’s a necessary evil). I wouldn’t have even bothered if this guy had made his intentions clear from the start, but he never really did. He ALWAYS talked about “the next time we hang out, we can do this” or “after I get better hours at my job, we can have more time together”, etc. etc.

Of course, when I asked him, instead of getting essentially a yes or no answer to my questions of whether or not he liked me and if he could see us moving into a relationship, I was blindsided by a big long explanation of how right now he’s “effed up in the head” and he doesn’t really feel anything for anyone, and that “it will get better” (um, what will get better?) and that he’s just been depressed lately, and his biggest concern is that we are able to just “hang out and have fun”. What, may I ask, in the hell does THAT mean? Naturally I can assume from all of that many things: he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t want a relationship, and I guess that he just wants to be friends. But why do I have to assume at all? Why couldn’t he just say “Right now I’m kind of messed up, so if it’s all right I’d like us just to be friends right now.”

Here’s my problem: ever since we discussed this, it’s been NOTHING but mixed signals. After we talked, he kicked up his attentiveness a notch. Nothing dramatic, but it was certainly noticeable and even my friends remarked that he seemed to be backpedaling on everything he said to me, and it felt like yes means no and no means yes. He started actually CALLING me more, even when I’m at work, which before he never really called

except when we had to finalize plans. He sent more text messages just to say have a good day at work. He wanted to hang out more than just once a week.

Last Wednesday I’d had enough. I called him over to talk to him and tell him that because he would not come out and define us (I don’t know why I need this definition so badly, but I do), I had to. I had to choose friendship for us, which is fine with me, but I did it because I needed to set a healthy boundary for myself. I cannot stand being in limbo, and regardless of what’s going on in his head or whatever, I was NOT okay with leaving things swimming around in the open. After I tried to tell him this though, he basically disregarded everything I said and reiterated everything he’d already told me about being depressed, being messed up, etc. etc. After that, I was just like whatever and reminded myself that even if he didn’t accept that I was choosing to be just friends right now, I still knew what I needed to and that alone made me feel better. Oh, and I tried to tell him he was sending me mixed signals and driving me crazy, but he insisted he wasn’t and was just being himself.

Sunday after Thanksgiving rolls around, I haven’t seen him at all during the weekend since he was with family which is just fine with me, and I get a call. It’s him, and I was a little confused as to why he was calling. When I asked him what was up, he told me literally “just checking in and seeing how your weekend is going”. Not a huge deal I guess is what I thought. I still thought it was weird (nice, but still weird), especially since he called it checking in (I don’t check in with anyone but significant others for instance), but talked to him a bit and continued on with my day.

Monday morning a mutual friend of ours who is quite close to me tells me something that pissed me right off. She says to me “So… he told my brother that he had to go over to see you last Wednesday and AGAIN clarify for you what he wants, and I was LIVID because I knew you called him over specifically to tell him you just wanted to be friends!” And since I had done exactly that, naturally I was extremely upset as well.

Why is he doing this? Does he honestly think he’s being perfectly clear in his behavior right now? Why is he telling people I’m acting like a dense, desperate girl who’s chasing him around and doesn’t get what he’s trying to say to me? Please, help me out here. And if I’m the one who’s overreacting and needs to be set straight, I’ll gladly hear it. I’m just sick of his behavior and his decision to misrepresent me to save face not only really made me upset, but it hurt me a lot too. I can’t help but feel a bit betrayed by that, because I never would have expected him to pull a stunt like that in a million years.

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Easy comes, Easy goes

by The Last Honest Guy

I’ve met this Asian guy at work, he’s 21 and we were in a situation living together for 2 weeks because of a work field trip. As I met him he was sort of ignoring his girlfriend, when she’d call he say he was busy and call her back, but never would. While on the work field trip we started hooking up in secret because it was against work rules. On the day before I had to catch a train back to the city I got badly bitten by a dog and had to get stitches, he tried to sneak into the hospital to see me at some ridiculous hour of the night after I woke up from the anesthesia, and was there the next morning in a chair next to my bed before I woke up.

So for about a week and a half we were hooking up, no sex or anything, after about a week we start messaging each other from our rooms at night, he told me about his girlfriend, just vague things like ‘she’s bad, I don’t like who she hangs around with’, ‘I cant trust her’ and ‘she’s a bit dirty’. He told me that every time they have sex he wears a condom despite the fact she has the birth control implant thing. (the one where you can feel it in chicks arms), he also said something along the lines of ‘well I haven’t really spoken to her in a while, I think she knows its pretty much over’.

As soon as he got back to the city (I left on the Friday, he left on the following Wednesday) he came straight to my house, picked me up, took me back to his and introduced me to his mother, the next day was his birthday, he dropped me home and came back to get me after work to go out for his birthday, after going to the bar with him and his friends I realized his girlfriend wasn’t there (well obviously since he brought me), which strikes me as a bit odd because it was his 21st, and that is kind of a big celebration for most people. He calls me gorgeous every time I pick up the phone, in every good morning and good night txt, and he always calls me at least once a day for a nice chat.

I’m really on guard about it but I can sort of notice myself slipping into some mind frame where I could see this working out, but I also feel like there’s some sort of game he’s playing. When I tell him I’m going to go to a friends / friends coming over to hang out, he always asks if its a guy or girl, telling me to behave while he’s not around, basically acting as if were exclusive. He’s told me he has trust issues and that he wants to trust me and make me his, but that sounds all a little too cliché to me.

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I like a guy at work

by The Last Honest Guy

Well, I need some help here because I am really confused…

I like a guy at work…I see him every day and from the different things he does or says (glances, smiles etc) I think that there is a chance he likes me too but you never know for sure…He is 35 and single. He is an average looking guy but with a strong personality and he is also very sociable and humorous. I noticed that even though he is really comfortable talking to and teasing other girls at work, he is not that comfortable when he talks about me or to me! Sometimes I wonder if he does this because he finds me boring…However, he has made it clear many times that he likes me as a person and even said once that I am the best in everything without specifying what ‘everything’ includes! Many times, I may turn to him unexpectedly and catch him looking at me. For example, he may make a joke that has nothing to do with me at all and I turn to look at him and laugh at the joke and I notice that he had already been looking at me!

The other day, I was out with a male friend of mine. We were just having drinks and having a great time like I would do with any female friend of mine. I do not think that someone would think we were a couple…The guy I like was also there but not too close to us. By the way, he knows that I do not have a boyfriend. I pretended that I did not see him but I could see from the corner of my eye that he was watching us. My male friend also told me that he was watching both of us. I was waiting to see if he would come to say hi, but since he did not come, after a while I decided to go talk to him. 90% of the times he talks to me he is smiling and in general he is a happy person especially when he is out. But that night, he looked really serious. When we said hi, he said he had seen me a while ago. I told him that I just saw him and asked him why he didn’t come talk to me, he said that he did not come because I was ‘busy’. I said ‘really? with what?’ and he replied ‘with a male…’! After a moment of silence, I did not know what to say, I lost my words and after some seconds I replied ‘yes, with my best friend’. He did not reply and I said ‘I have to go now, bye’ and left. How do you explain his behavior? Was he jealous or was it just an excuse for not coming to say hi?

The next day at work, I did not mention anything about what happened and he teased me about going for drinks really late that night… Over the following days, I tried to show him that what happened that night did not affect my behavior and actually I felt that we came closer. We talked more and teased each other more. But that was just for some days.

Lately, I feel that we grew even more apart. I started feeling awkward and really nervous around him and there are some times where he has the chance to talk to me but he does not. I do not know how to act any more and I do not know what to believe. Did he understand something about my feelings and decided to avoid me or does he feel the same and is confused?

Do you think he has feelings for me?

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The guy I’ve been seeing is in an open relationship

by The Last Honest Guy

So I’m in a pretty sticky situation. I’ve been seeing this guy who is in an open relationship with his gf. She lives a few states away for college. We just started as friends, and having sex. Things were going awesome. After a while of hanging out, and making out we fell in love. We both care about each other deeply. He loves his gf. I don’t know what to do. We click so well. I would go as far to say that he could very well be the one for me. Any advice?

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