by The Last Honest Guy
Q:
Hi, I am a 23-year-old girl/woman, who is looking for a decent guy. As it turns out, I am still a virgin; in part due to my upbringing in a fairly conservative society but more because I now find myself unable to simply give it away, so to speak. I am not psycho-religious, but I do think there is something to be said for waiting a few months, once you are past the puppy-love stage and know the person you date for who they are – I imagine it’s better for one’s heart [esp a girl] and for the relationship. Thus, whenever I meet a guy I feel obliged to explain that I will not have sex. [This is also in part because I am in a really tough grad program and I honestly don’t have time to spend on a guy when I feel like it won’t go anywhere. All around me, people a couple of dates into a relationship are more than ready to sleep with their new found love, and while I don’t judge them, I wonder if this is going to get in the way of me ever having a long-term relationship with anyone if they are just not willing to wait, because, clearly, there’s plenty of people OK with sex on the first or second date/meeting. I also wonder if my ‘being a virgin’ puts too much pressure on a guy/leads him to judge me in a way that isn’t completely accurate. Lastly, as I get older I don’t expect to find a fellow abstinent dude, but somewhere in the back of my mind is a fear of being with a guy who is much much more experienced than me, because the thought of being compared to other sexual partners galls me. Is that being ridiculous? Thanks!
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by The Last Honest Guy
I recently left my husband and began talkin to an old high school friend. We were close but never dated. We are having sex. He has a friend that recently moved in with him but it is temp. He says he loves me. Whenever I ask for money he always gives me more than I ask. We don’t talk much on the phone and we don’t spend anytime together. He also has other friends he told me about. I feel like what we do is all that’s gonna be between us. I know he likes me but its not enough. He has also been married twice. I feel like he is guarding himself. Should I run and don’t look back. I have strong feelings for him already. I’m so confused. (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Dear Last Honest Guy,
I’ve taken your advice to move on to just casual dating (while focusing on my career/uni) and getting to know guys for who they are. I met the sweetest guy and I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months. We’re the same age, we’re doing our first year in university in the same city. He’s been in quite a few long term relationships, (one was with this girl Tania for a year and the other was with this girl Michelle for 3 years). There was this other girl Mary after Michelle but the whole point of that was that they ALL cheated on him. Now this guy probably has a knack for just choosing virgins who can’t deal with long distance relationship.
Apart from my boyfriend’s paranoia at the beginning and his depression (due to his schizo-affective disorder), I didn’t think there were any underlying problems between us. We enjoy each others company and hes my best friend in so many ways. At the beginning of our relationship we’ve told each other how many people we’ve slept with. He said 6 and I said 15 (including him). I understand its a large number and I swear to god I wish I was such a crazy nut last year. He didn’t initially say anything until he asked me how many people I’ve slept with since I’ve been to Canada (as I’ve lived in Hong Kong my whole life). I told him 9 because I thought it was the right thing to tell him. He didn’t really say much of it but it really hurt him and he kept on going about how he pictures me with 15 penises.
We’ve made up and everything. But for the sake of the future (if this relationship doesn’t work out) and I’m in a different relationship. Should I lie about how many people I’ve slept with? I understand I should choose a guy who accepts me for who I am including my stupid past history. I mean the fact that I’ve been with 16 people, its made me appreciate him for who he is so much more, and thats why hes “unique and special to me” Whereas he sees the opposite because I’ve done it with so many people, its not special anymore.
Whats more is that he says that having sex with so many people makes people disrespect you. I’ve always thought that girls having sex with many men because they can is a sign of female empowerment (too many sex and the city episodes?).
How many guys is “too many”? Is it considered better to have fallen in love with 16 people and slept with them or to have casual sex with 16 people? Why do some guys care so much and if they don’t care about it what does that mean? And should you really tell your partner your past sexual history? There just seems to be a lack of information about
this subject online. Except the “it’s just how society works” bull-crap.
Sincerely,
The girl in need of a third-person perspective (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
Yes, I am just 13 years old, and I know that seems pretty young to want some guy advice, but I REALLY need help. You see, I’ve been trying to get over a guy I’ve been liking for like 9 months now, but I just can’t seem to prevail. I have NEVER liked a guy this much before, and I honestly don’t know why I do. We’re complete opposites, he’s the obnoxious troublemaker, and I’m the little miss goodie two shoes. He says he loves someone else, and I’m tired of crying over him. Please help me, I really don’t know what to do! (more…)
by The Last Honest Guy
I am a college student, and was recently at a party for St. Patrick’s Day. I was having fun hanging out with people, when this guy came over and started dancing with me. He seemed sweet, so I continued to dance. We kind of talked a little bit, but then I thought I was going to have to leave, so I gave him my number. After dealing with a friend who was sick, I went back to the party. For the rest of the night he would hold my hand, put his hand in my back pocket, and was constantly touching me. I knew he was fairly intoxicated, but I liked the attention. We ended up sitting on a couch cuddling for almost a half hour. He told me about how he was finishing up school after being in the marines, and we just talked until the party ended. A couple days later, I asked him to go bowling with me and some friends. He paid for two of my games without even asking, sat near me, and had fun poking me after figuring out that I was ticklish. We talked a little bit over the course of the next week, but it was mostly me starting the conversations. I invited him to come along to a party a week after we originally met. As soon as he got there, he was touching me and poking me. He was drunk again, and so I was concerned about his real feelings. After he continued to act like he was flirting with me, I took him away from the party and told him that I didn’t want to just be “a piece of ass” because I had never been kissed or anything like that and wasn’t about to start letting him play games with me. We tried to talk, but he kept rambling drunkenly, and I knew it wasn’t a good time to have a conversation. We went back to the party, and after more dancing and touching he asked me to help him change the song in the dj booth. He kissed me and gave me a hickey. The party ended a little while later, and as I was leaving he said he was coming with me. We walked through campus, and this was when I saw how drunk he truly was, stumbling and hiccuping. We stopped and he asked me where he wanted this to go, and I told him that he was nice and I wanted to talk to him more. I also mentioned something about wanting to be in a
relationship. We kissed again, and then he headed off towards his dorm. It’s been almost a week now, and I continue to try to get together with him, but he says that he wants to focus on his school work and he is busy all the time. I want to talk about what happened when he is actually sober. I think that I either scared him off or he has lost interest, but at the same time I still like him and want to give him a chance. I am very, very confused. (more…)
