Hmmm OK where to start! So I met this amazing guy back in February and we were great together but he wanted children and I already have children of 12 and 13 and don’t feel that I want to start again so mutually we decided that it was better to end things before it really hurt! Obviously it did hurt but we got through it and we moved on and
then just seemed to gravitate towards each other but we were both attached elsewhere and decided to cut all contact. Last month he got back in touch after breaking up with the girl he was seeing and I’m single too now anyway one thing led to another and we’re back to seeing each other although both looking elsewhere and agreeing to end things if and when we meet that other person although on my part I’m honest enough to admit I’m not looking that hard! He’s gorgeous and if he didn’t want children I’d grab him with both hands and am even now thinking perhaps I should compromise on children and take the plunge but I’m scared that revealing too much will scare him off and that perhaps I’m reading too much into it all? Also the sex is amazing, we’re so in tune and he makes me feel like no other man I’ve known and often tells me the same and this makes me worry that it’s blurring things?
So we talk everyday he makes me go to his house just to cuddle him and is very loving and affectionate and if I was to believe actions speak louder than words I’d be in there but accompanied by the fact that he tells me he’s looking elsewhere I wonder if I’m just fooling myself? At the weekend whilst very drunk he told me I’m perfect and fit with him in every way? He claims to remember nothing from that night though? do I bring it up?
I’m so confused 🙁 So what do you think, do I stay or, do I go?
Well, the holidays are over and that should free up my time to be able to answer all your questions quicker. I admit I get a lot of questions and it’s hard to answer them all at the same time, although I do answer every single one of them sooner or later.
As far as the above question goes, I can tell you that if you really don’t want to have anymore kids, it’s completely understandable and it’s a decision that should be made with a lot of thought. I wouldn’t recommend having a kid with this guy just to keep him with you.
I strongly believe that only people who TRULY want kids should have kids. It’s unfair to a child to be brought into the world when the parents of that child know they’re not ready nor want that kid in their lives.
In addition, it seems like you just really like this guy and enjoy him very much. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel like there’s love in this relationship. The guy just absolutely drives you crazy and you love it. Most people who love each other generally want to form a family out of that love that they have for each other and I just don’t think you are at that stage.
I also don’t think that if you decide to have kids with this guy just because you want to have a long term relationship with him that you will be enthusiastic about having this kid. This would be more of a requirement to be with this guy than a normal result of love between two people. As I’ve said before, it’s not fair for the kid. The kid deserves a mother who will be excited and happy to have a baby.
Do I stay or do I go?
The bottom line here is you should go! No point in staying with someone who you already know doesn’t have the same goals as you. Although if you can manage to never think of that relationship as a long term one, I don’t see anything wrong with just enjoying everything he has to offer.
This is actually something that men are very good at doing; we are able to separate a pure physical relationship from an emotional one. No doubt that when he says he’s keeping his options open he means it. Don’t be surprised if one day out of the blue he tells you he has found someone. Prepare yourself for that day.