My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now but he’s moving to a different state and we are going to try a long distance relationship but I have so many issues with trusting him. I get jealous to the point where I just fall apart and I just learned that my ex just cheated on my best friend so in my head I just think that he’s like every dude and a lot of dudes are pigs so that makes me even more jealous. he hasn’t really ever done anything to ruin my trust except for a few situations where he lied to me in the beginning of our relationship but the trust thing has gotten so bad that he has told me that I’m acting selfish and if I cant trust him then he doesn’t know what’s going to happen and he keeps telling me how faithful he is but I just don’t know how to just trust him more and lose the jealousy, please HELP!
I stopped reading after the first sentence. I think it’s stupid to try to make a long distance relationship work. The reasons are simple, when you have a long distance relationship it makes it real easy for both to be unfaithful and it also facilitates the possibilities of either one of the two to find another person that will fulfill the need for companionship.
You have to remember that the whole point of being in a relationship is to have a companion and have a person that can be there for you when you need them. Being in a relationship is about spending time with each other with the hopes that you get to know the other person enough so that you can eventually make an accurate decision of whether or not that’s the person you want to spend the rest (or at least a really long time) of your life with.
If you think about it, how long do you think it would take for a couple that’s in a long distance relationship to spend the same amount of time as a couple that sees each other on a regular basis?
Let us analyze this, if couple A is in a long distance relationship and sees each other once a month for a whole week in one year and couple B sees each other just about every day for the same year, then it would take couple A, 52 weeks (52wks=1yr) of seeing each other in order to have the same amount of time as couple B. That means it would take couple A 4.3 years of seeing each other in order to have an equivalent year as couple B.
For you mathematicians out there, the formula is simple.
1 year =12 months=52 weeks
1 week a month=12 weeks/year
12 weeks (divided into) 52 weeks= 4.3 years
I recommend for people to date the same person 3-5yrs before committing to them long term or marrying them, which means that if you’re in a long distance relationship and you date for at least 3 (regular) years it would take you 13 years (4.3×3=13) of dating before you are able to make a good decision.
Now that I have broken it down for you guys, is it really worth it to be in a long distance relationship? I think the answer is obvious. It’s hard enough to make the right choice when you have a regular relationship and you really shouldn’t make it any harder. 50 percent of marriages fail now a day and it’s wise to try to make everything in your power to have a fair and just chance at making it work. Agreeing to a long distance relationship will only diminish the chances to being successful and it will put the odds against you.
My advice is to just let it go. If the reasons for moving out of state are that strong and important then let it be and agree to remain friends. Keep the friendship and date other people while you’re single. If you haven’t found anyone else down the line and the two of you happen to cross paths then maybe you can give it another shot then, but for now keep in touch, keep your options open and keep moving on.