I’m 25, my boyfriend is 32; we’re both Puerto Rican. We’ve been together about 4 years. Overall we have a great relationship. He works very hard in his business to be able to provide for his son and to make sure that we have a nice lifestyle in the future. Over the last several weeks, he has had little to no sex drive. To add to that, I’ve lost weight and he doesn’t find me sexually attractive because I’m too skinny. I understand that stress from working can make him not as into sex and I’ve tried to be patient. We spoke about it today and it turned into an argument. Finally I said “I shouldn’t have to twist your arm into being intimate with me, “look at me” and he said, “you know I’m not into super skinny chicks so what is there for me to look at that’s supposed to get me aroused?” My feelings are very hurt by this whole situation because I would think that genuine feelings and love would supersede physical appearance. It’s also messing with my psyche as a woman to know that the man I love that claims to love me so much isn’t sexually attracted to me and has no desire to be intimate with me. We’ve been intimate lately about  every week and a half. It used to be several times per week. I feel like I have no control here. Please advise.

Thanks!

Sounds like you have a good overall man next to you, he works hard, he’s responsible and you have described your relationship as “a great one”. Quite honestly this guy sounds like a winner.

Now, to address the real issue here, which is your man not being into your current physical appearance is something tough. In all honesty for men just being in love with a women does not do the trick. Men need to be physically attracted in order to want to be sexually involved to you. This is something that women find hard to believe because for women sometimes just being emotionally attached to a man is enough to make them want to be with them. The truth is men need to like the way you look other wise it’s not going to happen or is just going to be a difficult thing.

You should also be grateful that he’s able to tell you exactly why he’s not attracted to you anymore. Most guys can’t identify the problem or simply don’t know how to say it. It’s quite clear what you need to do.

He’s not into skinny chicks

I suggest that you first realize that maybe you are too skinny. Nobody likes a girl who looks unhealthy. This is how you find out if you’re too skinny; find out your body mass index (BMI). That will give you a clue whether you’re in fact too skinny. If you are, then gain some weight god damnit!

In the event that you fall under the normal weight of somebody your height then you have a more serious problem. The bottom line is that you can’t change somebody’s taste in women. It’s like trying to make somebody like strawberry ice cream when they prefer vanilla ice cream. Sure they’ll be able to eat strawberry ice cream every once in a while but they’ll never really crave it. That’s exactly the situation you’re in right now. He’s able to have sex with you every once in a while but not as much as you want him to.

The easy thing to do is to just gain some weight so that you’re the same size you were when he met you. But I don’t think that’s the right thing to do, specially I you were on the unhealthy side.

My advice to you is to explore your bedroom and try to find out what other things in bed he might be into. Try to add some chocolate fudge to the strawberry ice cream. Maybe this is the time for both of you to discover a new side to sex. Try new things, different positions and find a way to turn him on. If you can find this out, you might have a shot at saving you’re sex life, other wise you can either live an unfulfilled sex life next to him or just realize that some relationships do end because of this. I think you have your work cut out at this point and it’s time to get to it. Please keep me updated and let me know if I can help you in some other way. Good luck.