3 months ago I caught my now ex boyfriend with another woman. (she happens to be his now ex best friends baby mama) He tried to say it wasn’t like that but I didn’t fall for it and turns out it was like that. I moved home to live with my parents. She has since then quit her job and moved in with her 2 kids. I’ve been with this man since we were 17. I got pregnant when I was 21. He said he wasn’t ready to marry and we should take it slow. I loved him so I gave him that. The idea was that when my son turned 5 we would get married. Obviously he was ready to settle down just not with me. He hid her for 8 months before I found out. Anyway I’m confused. He chose her but has never stopped telling me he was sorry and that he loves me. He blows up my phone saying he misses me, he’s not happy without me and she could never take my place. (BUT SHE DID) He wants to see me and take me out but I won’t allow it. I had to have my mom escort my son to him when he picks him up because every time I saw him for that second he would try to kiss me or grab me. He once followed me to a friend’s house and wanted to know who lived there. 2 months went by and last night I escorted my son partially because I wanted to see him and because my mom was getting tired of dealing with it all. He saw I had my phone and snatched it from my hand to see the last caller which happened to be a male friend. He questioned me and got angry then peeled out. I don’t know what is going on with him and I don’t know how to handle any of this. I love him and miss him too but I don’t trust him. I feel like everything was a lie and I don’t think I could ever take him back. I want to do what is best for my son and maintain dignity but this is hard. Can you please help me understand why he did this to me and continues to behave like this? I’m lost.
Wow, I must admit that your story really got to me and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. By the way you’ve described your situation I can tell you’re really hurt by all this but at the same time I know deep inside you wish you could go back to the way things used to be. The reality is that things will never be like they used to be and you must learn to accept it and find a way to work through this.
I’m also going to straight out tell you that the guy you claim to “love” is a piece of shit who has no morals or real values.
First, this guy chooses to have an affair with his best friend’s ex. I’m sorry but that goes against “Guy Code”. There’s plenty of women out there he could’ve one this with, but why her? Clearly it shows he’s not a real man.
Second, it seems like this guy is a total control freak who really thinks he can get you back by harassing you, trying to sweet talk to you and by blowing up every time he knows you interact with the opposite sex.
I would like to refer you to an article I wrote on my friend’s website HERE and would like for you to read it. I mainly talk about how to determine if you have a relationship to save after an infidelity.
You also say that you “love” this guy but I really think you’re confused. You’ve been with this guy since you were 17 years old and in reality you don’t know anything else about having a relationship but him. You’re much more mature now and I really think you have a different perspective in life and you have a lot to learn about relationships.
Just remember that this is not the end of the world and lots of women go through similar situations but manage to get passed it. You won’t be the exception and I’m confident you can be strong and get over him. You’ve already shown real signs of strength on your part by not allowing him to manipulate you and play his games. I truly admire you for this.
You should feel proud of yourself.
So why is he doing this?
To answer your question and help you understand him, I’m going to tell you exactly why he’s acting this way. The fact that he’s been with you since you were 17, makes him feels like he owns you and as a result he can’t accept the idea that you want nothing to do with him anymore.
He knows that he has a strong bond with you because of the kid you guys have together and it’s trying to use that to constantly interact with you. Having a kid together definitely make things difficult but not impossible to have a non-sentimental relationship with him.
I also have a feeling this guy is used to controlling you throughout the years and generally people like this have a hard time accepting that they can’t control someone anymore. They will try to do what ever it takes to keep that control and will go to extremes to prove it. For example, taking your phone away from you and looking at your recent calls and following you to places to see what you’re doing. Who does he think he is? It’s unacceptable.
I will also tell you to be careful because guys like this are also the ones who will turn into stalkers and will do crazy things when they lose control of someone who they have controlled for years. I’m sorry if this sounds scary but I just want you to be aware of this possibility so you can take the proper precautions.
To summarize everything I just told you, this guy probably does have some feelings for you but mostly due to the long history between you guys. However, the main reason he’s acting this way is because he can’t accept the fact that he has lost control over you and can’t handle it.
Please keep in mind that if you decide to give him another chance you will create the idea that by acting jealous and begging you to come back he can have you back anytime he wants.
I hope this helps and please don’t forget to read the article I referred you to. Good luck.