I often hear of cases where a couple is in love, everything’s great and they couldn’t be any happier so they get married. The funny thing is that after some time suddenly their magical relationship goes to the crapper. One of the most common complains by men is their current sex life in comparison to the one they had prior to getting married.
Some of these reasons are things like; “We don’t have as much sex as we used to” or “She doesn’t like to do the things we used to do in bed anymore”. Of course some of the things men are referring to are bj’s or oral sex for those of you who don’t know what that means.
Should a wife be required to give as many as 5 bj’s a week as part of their marital agreement?
The answer is simple, YES. Before you get all upset and angry let me explain when the answer is a yes or a no. If the whole time you and your man were dating you used to give him an average of 5 bj’s a week, then absolutely you should continue to do this after you get married.
Pain and simple, if you used to go down on him on a regular basis and he really enjoyed it, that lead him to believe that you really enjoyed do in it too or at the very least you were always willing to do this for him. If after you got married you suddenly decide you never liked it in the first place and you’re not willing to do it anymore, then he has all the right to be upset and it’s a valid reason for him to even leave you.
In other words you basically lied to him or at least presented yourself in a deceiving and inaccurate way. Therefore his decision to married you was made based on erroneous facts. If he decides to leave you as a result, you would have no one to blame but yourself for that.
Yes, you can make the argument that a relationship is not all about sex and looks but about feelings and it sounds romantic and all but in reality for men, sex plays a big role in a relationship and the lack of it can change a great relationship into a bad one. You can call me shallow but if you didn’t know it now you do,
That’s how most men feel.
Put it this way, have you ever been to Costco where they give you all this delicious food samples to try every where you go? What would happen if after you eat the sample and think you have a great dish on hand, you buy it, but when you get home it turns out the dish was nothing like the way it tasted at the store? You would probably feel cheated and disappointed. You would probably want to take it back and get your money back. If you decide to keep it anyways, you would probably be unhappy and not really care much to eat it. Maybe even just throw it away. Am I right (you know I am) about this?
If you can understand that simple concept you can understand how men feel when women pretend to like certain things in the bedroom and once they sucker a guy into marriage the real truth comes out.
On the other hand, if you only used to do it every once in a while and now that you guys are married he expects you to do it because you’re his wife, then no you shouldn’t have to do it. He has no right to expected you to do it when you were always straight forward and honest about how you felt in regards to oral sex from the beginning. He made the decision to marry you knowing how you truly felt and you should stand your ground if he ever demands it from you. Otherwise he obviously had the wrong idea about the marriage and you should consider leaving him if things worsen.
Now, for all of you out there who probably think that all I’ve said is misogynistic in some way, let me just say that this doesn’t just happen to men, it happens to women too. A lot of the times women go and cheat on their husbands because of this and when they get caught they say thing like “I felt lonely” or “I wanted to feel loved” and want to pretend like that makes it ok.
Well what’s the solution to this entire mess? The answer is simple and is what this whole blog it’s all about, honesty. Just be honest with your man from the beginning and make things clear about what you like or don’t like in bed or anything for that matter. This way you avoid surprises and disappointments later on. If you have to lie or do things you don’t like in order to keep a man, then you’re obviously with the wrong one.
I hope this helps understand men better and I would love to hear if anyone out there has ever gone through a similar situation and how have you handled it? Do you agree or disagree with me?
It’s all about expectations.
I’ve often heard that one of the worst disappointments in life, is crossed-expectations. That’s why our mental models, truth seeking, and authenticity play such a key role in how we experience life.
If you’re married to the person… I don’t see how it classifies as a requirement or seemed as a duty, when you love your spouse.
I think expectations should be set from the beginning that way disappointments can be avoid it in the future.
Completely agree Nia, when you’re in a successful relationship that’s based on true love you really don’t mind doing the things that makes your partner happy…
I think things change for men and women once the vows are read. Many men are romantic and attentive while dating but change after the wedding, or he spends less time when she is a wife than when she was a girlfriend or time spent on foreplay is curtailed.
Do you think a man should do all of the things he did before when he he SH urea his bride. If he changes it might lead to changes in his wife. The guy she was attracted to sexually may become a different person. May not be a man she would want to give a bj.
Seriously though?! It should be a a requirement to continue the 5 bj’s a week? That’s is completely ludicrous. It shouldn’t be a duty, like “oh i know he likes this but i don’t feel like doing it tonight or the next day but he may leave me if i don’t so i’ll do it anyways even though i don’t want to” WOW. AND the fact that some guy would marry a woman based off of how many bj’s she gives it so stupid. This article is pointless and shouldn’t have even taken up space in your brain.
If a guy was great in bed, passionate, attentive and wanted you all the time and then changed after you married to barely wants it, five minutes or less, rolls over and starts snoring guy, wouldn’t you be a little upset? The things you do for someone out of love shouldn’t change just because you’re married. That’s a huge part of why so many people get divorced; they think marriage is a license to let themselves go and stop doing all the things they faked liking to do when they were dating. If you don’t want to do something, don’t. That way you don’t build up the expectations for things you aren’t prepared to do for the rest of your life. That’s the point of the article.
If a guy was great in bed, passionate, attentive and wanted you all the time and then changed after you married to barely wants it, five minutes or less, rolls over and starts snoring guy, wouldn’t you be a little upset? The things you do for someone out of love shouldn’t change just because you’re married. That’s a huge part of why so many people get divorced; they think marriage is a license to let themselves go and stop doing all the things they faked liking to do when they were dating. If you don’t want to do something, don’t. That way you don’t build up the expectations for things you aren’t prepared to do for the rest of your life. That’s the point of the article.
Finally! Someone who gets it!!! Thank you.
Thank you. I’ve always felt I am some kind of bridge between guys & chicks (mentally I act like a guy, physically & emotionally female. it’s fun & weird) but only if they actually explain it. I can’t read minds. You put everything in a context I can understand.
amazing reply. the last honest guy should really look at the perspective of women too rather than giving out relationship advice he thinks is right.
I should look at the prospective of women? Are you kidding me? You obviously have no idea what this blog is all about. This blog is the complete opposite of that.
This blog is about women getting the perspective of a man on dating, marriage and sex. There’s no hope with you. You’ll never get it…
For the women who don’t think this is good advice…you’re really not trying to keep your man, or UNDERSTAND him at all…
Men are simple and have simple needs…the woman willing to accept that and meet those needs will have a man crawling over broken glass to be with her.
Thank you….