I was married for 10 years and about 6 months after leaving my husband I met someone else who I care very, very much for. We dated for a while and things were absolutely perfect. I have 3 kids and he has 1. I am 31 and he is 41. When we were comfortable enough to bring our kids into the picture we did. He unfortunately is not much of a kid person and I have 3. Kids don’t bother me at all so it never bothered me to have his child around me even if my kids were with their father. Anyway, after 4 or 5 months of dating we broke up for a few weeks, then got back together for a couple months then broke up again. All the while staying “friends”. We never officially got back together but he is the first person I talk to everyday and the last person I talk to every night and most of the time all day in between. Our conversations never get old, we always laugh and I can honestly say that he is my best friend and he says the same of me. When my kids are not with me (which is rarely) I spend my free time with him. Even when they are with me and we don’t actually spend time together we are usually always on the phone. weeknights, weekends, late into the night. I know he’s not seeing anyone else but I really just don’t know what to do about the situation. We’re not “together” but we are. It’s very confusing. He has helped me so much in so many ways. I had nothing after my divorce and he helped me to get my first vehicle and pushed me to go back to school and is always there for me when I need him. We are sleeping together and that is always absolutely amazing as well. I just feel that sometimes I’m wasting my time and things will never work out. I’m not getting any younger and if I let myself stay attached to him I will never move on and find someone who is willing to love me and everything about me including my kids. I love him unconditionally and I will love him unconditionally even if things don’t work out. I want the best for him. He will always be part of my life, he’s become family to me and has been a better support for me through everything than my own blood family has been. I just don’t know where to go from here. What do I need to do??? HELP!!!
You sound like a teenager when you speak of this man. Lets see, if I do the math correctly you are now 31 and was married for 10 years, that means you were between 18-20 years old when you were dating your ex-husband. For that reason I suspect you are another case of a women stuck in a teenager’s body. What I mean by that is you’re now trying to live the things you weren’t able to do in the past when you were younger. At the same time you lack the experience necessary to be able to treat and handle a relationship in a mature manner.
You have fallen for this man way too fast and you’re simply going trough the “honeymoon stage”. This stage typically last about a year or so and I really believe you are moving way too fast. You can’t possible know someone for 6 months and say thing like; “He will always be part of my life, he’s become family to me”. You realize that sounds exactly the same way a young high school girl would sound when she falls for a boy. On top of things, what you have with this man is not even a real relationship.
Please snap out of this and slow down. Give him some room and space and don’t try to make him commit to you so soon, you will end up scaring him away.
My advice to you is to take some time for yourself and realize what you really want in life. Set you’re priorities straight and come up with a clear definition of what would make YOU happy. Be realistic and don’t expect something out of the ordinary.
After successfully figuring out your needs, it’s time to meet with this man and have a long conversation. During this conversation you should find what he wants out of life and what would make him happy. If at that point both of you have similar interests and life goals than you can continue this relationship. If you realize you guys are completely different then it’s time to let go.
I suggest you don’t try to convince him to want the same thing you do or bend your own needs in order to conclude that you both want the same things. If you go down that route you will only be fooling yourself and will just elongate the future pain to come. He seems like a nice guy so it’s likely that he will try to not be so harsh on you and maybe even want to give it a shot and comply with your needs but trust me when I tell you that in the long run true feelings eventually surface and the pain it’s ten times worst at that point. Good luck.