Q:

My boyfriend of 2.5 years is 38 years old. I met him on eharmony. When we met, I liked him but wasn’t 100% sure about him. He had some undesirable traits in a mate. He was divorced and the nature and reasoning he gave me for the divorce didn’t seem that terrible. He made himself seem to be a victim of a crazy narcissist irresponsible woman. He also had a temp job, lived with 3 other guys and didn’t manage his money well. He was also rushing to move into my house after 4 or 5 months of dating.

Now a little over 2 years later, he moved out on his own, got a permanent position and have started saving money. I’ve also grown to love him and could really see him being a man I could marry and start a family with.

Last summer I started getting a feeling that something wasn’t right. I felt he was seeing someone else but could never find any evidence. I asked him about it and he reassured me he wasn’t. So I let it go. I found a pair of earrings at his apartment and he swore he thought they were mine then said they could have been his cousins who visit often. I let it go but remained suspicious. A few weeks later I had that feeling again so I went through his phone and found pictures, text and pornographic video of him with another woman. A girl from his class that he often talked about. He knew her from previous circles of friends and he said he was never interested in her and she likewise. We broke up for a month and I offered to work it out with him if he was willing. I often check his phone and occasionally see where they’ve texted but he promised to cut her off to move forward with our relationship. If find it odd that the guy who would go on a date with me while just leaving the gym with a hint of BO will spend two hours getting dressed for church wearing new clothes cologne even new underwear and socks. When I go out with him I shower, take time getting dressed put on makeup etc. I often feel disappointed that he doesn’t put in the same level of effort for me. He often seems distracted or uninterested when he’s with me constantly checking his phone. He says it’s to keep track of soccer. I love him but not 100% happy and have become very insecure. He doesn’t put the effort in dating me, paying for meals or activities when we’re together (we often go dutch).

Should I keep trying to teach him how to love me and hope he gets it or should I cut my losses and move on?

A:

It’s definitely time to move on! A guy who is 38 years old will not change any time soon. He will definitely not change for you, as you have already noticed.

You seem to want to give him excuses for his behavior. The bottom line is that he’s a rotten piece of food that needs to be thrown away.