Okay I have read your advice and I know you say to look for someone with the qualities that you want not make someone into what you want. Also you say to look for someone who likes doing the things you want (I assume like bringing flowers, saying compliments) instead of trying to force that on someone. What I can’t help but feel is, when a guy automatically does these things (typical nice guy) he would just do them for any girl and it makes us feel less special. I’m actually seeing a really nice guy right now but I just don’t feel special to him. I just feel like he’s overly nice and would be overly nice to
anyone he dates. Is it wrong to feel this way? Is it right to believe that we’re not really special to the nice guys?

Deep inside I guess I want a guy who doesn’t just do these things by nature for every girl he dates, he specifically does them for me. How do I date him and still feel special? Or how do I know that he does think I am special?

Answer from The Last Honest Guy

It sounds like you’re the typical kind of girl who likes to date a-holes and is constantly trying to change them into nice guys. Well, the bad news is that it’s practically impossibly to do that and it’s actually something I advice not to do, as you know.

You’re basically complaining about dating a guy who is genuinely nice, just because you claim to not feel special to him.

Is it wrong to feel this way?

The answer to your question is yes because I believe the reason you feel this ways is due to the way you’re perceiving the situation.

You’re right that he behaves this way with girls he dates but that’s because he only acts this way because at that time he really likes that person. What I’m saying is that at this time he really likes you and as a result he’s doing the things he normally does for girls he really likes.

You should be worried if he is bringing flowers to other women at the same time he’s dating you. If that was going on then I would completely understand why you wouldn’t feel special. My guess is that he’s not doing this and he’s not giving flowers and complementing every women he knows.

Think about this; if your feelings were consistent and your logic made sense, then you would also feel less special for him being faithful to you because the only way he would be faithful is if he was really into you and he has probably been faithful with the women he has really liked in his past.

This is obviously an extreme example but it’s a good way to make you realize that the way you’re feeling doesn’t make sense and you should just see things differently.

He is nice to you because he is only that nice with a girl he really likes, you.

How do I date him and still feel special?

I think the real issue here is that you find the relationship boring and you’re blaming it on him being “overly nice”. The truth is that you need to find a way to create excitement in order not feel this way.

At the same time this might also be an indication that you guys might not be the perfect match and he’s not what you’re really looking for. Sometimes it’s not necessary to have problems in order to realize a person is not the right one for you. Sometimes it’s just a matter of having different personalities and different needs.

Have you thought about that?

Well I hope you find a way to balance the way you feel. Good luck.

As a side note, I would like to clarify that when I recommend to look for a guy who naturally likes the things you do, I am talking about someone who you share mutual interests with. For example, if you like the outdoors (hiking, beach, etc.) find someone who also likes the outdoors. By doing this you will avoid a situation where you’re constantly having to drag your partner to those places and avoid those problems. Keep in mind that you’re never going to find someone who likes exactly EVERYTHING you do, so you must identify those things that are absolutely important to you and could never see yourself NOT doing and find a person who is naturally that way.


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