Q:

Long story short: My husband and I are both 31 and have a 4-year-old daughter. I love her more than anything, but we had her early on in our relationship. I went back to study when I was pregnant with her and we’ve struggled financially. Had to live with my controlling in-laws. They said they’d help us get back on our feet. Instead kicked us out and said they’d increase the days with my daughter at our place.

Fast forward- they never did and I begged my husband to do something. He was working a lot, has Aspergers (only found out later) and told me it was “my problem”. My husband blames me for everything and blames me for not working. I try EVERYTHING to get a part-time job.

My in-laws file for custody and get interim custody. My life feels like its falling apart.

Now: My husband constantly blames me for everything. He buys a franchise for me to work. But it’s been much harder than the company makes out. The fees are VERY HIGH and combined with rent, it’s been very stressful. We work together but it’s not working. I wish we never bought this business.

A:

Here at The Last Honest Guy, I pride myself on giving honest and wise advice from a neutral point of view. Since I don’t know you, I don’t have to sugar coat things or even try to be “nice” about the response I’m about to give you. This is what it’s referred to as “tough love”.

Sounds like you never learn from any of your mistakes and always wants to blame someone else for your misery.

In the brief description that you’ve given me, you’ve made up an excuse for practically everything that’s wrong in your life.

First, you made up an excuse for having a 4-year-old child by saying “we had her early on in our relationship”.

Your in-laws were kind enough to take your entire family in until you guys could get “back on your feet”, which honestly sounds like a bailout and probably the reason why you still haven’t learned to be self-sufficient, but you’re still complaining for them kicking you out sooner than you thought they would–which I’m sure they had a good reason for.

Then, your husband buys you your own business so that he can guarantee that you’ll never get fired from it, but yet, that’s still too much work and too stressful for you? Geez! Nothing in life is easy!

On top of all that, if I understood correctly, it sounds like your in-laws got custody of your child which doesn’t happen often unless you’re some kind of drug addict, drunk, have mental issues or you’re a violent person.

Quite honestly, based on everything you just said, I do think there’s way more to this story than what you’ve told me and I’m willing to bet that at 31, you do have some other kind of problem. I would highly recommend you take this analysis as a wakeup call and not as an insult. If you can do this, you are in the right track to admitting that you may have a more serious problem and hopefully you seek a professional to help you. Think about your daughter and realize that she derseves a better future with responsible and healthy parents.

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