My boyfriend (45, white, cop) and I (together 5+ years) live together (1+ year) and I’m discovering that he is resistant to my suggestions when it comes to training our dogs.
I hired a trainer when they were younger and go for refresher training every now and then (he doesn’t participate) and it’s really helpful. Our dogs are strong and since I do most of their care and walks alone, I need all the help I can get.
When we walk the dogs together, I’ll make suggestions on how he can better control one of them and he gets tense with me. I’ve started asking “would you like to see what the trainer taught me that works?” so that he has a choice and doesn’t feel like I’m telling him what to do, but he resents that too.
I’ve explained that it’s really helpful for us to walk the dogs in the same manner (using the same training), because I’m not strong enough to control them on my own the way he can and he seemed to understand, but still seems to resent me speaking up and critiques my methods all the time. When explain my methods, he does the “hey don’t jump all over me,” but I don’t think I’m jumping.
What is this all about?
You seem to be in a unique situation due to the fact that you’re with a 45 year old male who happens to be a cop.
Being 45 years old means he already has his ways set and it’s really hard to change that. In addition, throw in the fact that he’s a cop and you have a real mess. Ok, maybe I shouldn’t use the term “mess” but I’m sure you know what I mean, you have your work cut out.
You see, cops are generally trained to be the leaders and call the shots. They’re used to being the ones who tell other people what to do and not the other way around. This makes it extremely difficult to make them realize when they’re doing something wrong and generally won’t want to admit to it.
I really think this is exactly what you’re dealing with on a daily basis. I’m sure this kind of dilemma doesn’t just happen with the dogs but also every time you try to correct him on anything he might be doing wrong.
Another thing to consider if in fact he only acts this way when it comes to the dog training techniques is that he might be jealous of the trainer who you go to. Of course this would only apply if the trainer is a male (you never mention the trainer’s gender) because that would mean he’s competing against another male. This would also explain why he doesn’t want to participate when you take your dogs for a refresher training.
There you go, I hope that helps a little bit. I suggest you sit down and talk to him about this and simply explain to him how you’re feeling. I always recommend doing this kind of talking preferably when the other person is in a good mood. Pick your timing strategically because you’ll be surprise what a big difference in attitude you’ll get just by simply catching him in a good, positive and willing mood.