by The Last Honest Guy
When a male friend starts acting weird, it is easy to call it confusion, jealousy, or mixed signals.
But sometimes a man is not confused. Sometimes he is losing access to you and does not like it.
Reader Question: Why Is My Friend Acting So Weird?
Me and my good friend of 7 or 8 years have always had a good friendship.
After about a year, we started messing around. Nothing serious, just for fun sometimes. We had a good friendship and would just fool around once in a while. I cannot say it was just about sex, because we would do more than that. We were just good friends.
He has a girlfriend. He got with her maybe 2 or 3 months after he and I became friends, and they have 2 kids now.
I am in a relationship with my son’s father, who my friend has no respect for and I do not know why. My boyfriend and I have a lot of history. At one point we were separated for a couple years, and a little over a year ago we rekindled our relationship. I am very happy.
But since I got back into this relationship, my friend seems to be acting differently.
He calls and drives by my house at all hours of the day and night, and he lives on the other side of town. He has no problem putting down my relationship when he does not even know my boyfriend at all. He does not even like for me to talk about my boyfriend in any way.
I really do not know why he is acting this way, because I am not his type. I never thought he would want more or see me as more than just friends, especially because he already had someone.
I will admit that maybe after a year or two of always being around each other, I grew feelings for him. But knowing he was involved, I had to shake it off. I came to a point where I did want more, but I knew it would not happen and that I would always come in last. So after a while it was nothing to me, and I felt like we had a great friendship that I did not want to mess up.
Then I got back into this relationship and told my friend that I wanted to be faithful. After a while, I stopped talking to him and ignored his calls. Eight months passed, and he still hit me up, not really caring if I was with my boyfriend or not.
Sometimes he just stops by my house unexpectedly. He does not call. He just shows up. He calls me from random numbers or even blocked numbers.
He hunted me down once, calling my stepmom’s phone, driving to my father and stepmother’s home looking for me. He went to my house when I was not home. He found me one morning when he came to my mother’s house out of the blue. It was just random.
He looked like he had just woken up, like he did not wash his face, still in his pajamas, wearing Crocs with no socks on. I know him so well that I would not think he was crazy or anything like that. I just called him a crackhead and laughed about it.
But really, honestly, what do you think is the real reason my friend would do these things? Do you think he is trying to mess up my relationship?
There is so much more, but I do not want to go on and on. From what I have told you, do you think you know?
The Honest Guy’s Answer
Wow. This is a really interesting situation, and honestly, I do not think you are going to want to know what I really think.
But since you wrote to me for my honest opinion, I am going to give it to you.
At first, reading the beginning of your situation, I would have said this guy probably really likes you. It sounded like a case of a man being secretly in love with you, especially after that many years of being “friends” with benefits. Everything seemed to point in that direction.
But then I kept reading.
And the second part of your situation changes things.
This guy honestly seems obsessed with you, and that is not a good thing. The behavior you are describing is not normal for a guy to do. It is also extremely disrespectful for him to show up at your house unannounced.
Even when someone is in love, people may do a few things out of the blue. But everything you mentioned is going to an extreme.
You do not call someone from other people’s phones. You do not block your number. You do not contact her family just to find out where she is. You do not drive around looking for her like this is normal.
That kind of behavior is obsessive.
Some people would even call it stalking.
Quick Answer: He Is Trying To Stay In Your Life And Mess With Your Relationship
To answer your question, yes, it is definitely clear to me that his obsession with you is driving him to do whatever it takes to destroy your relationship.
Of course he is doing these things on purpose.
He may not sit there and say, “I am going to ruin her relationship today,” but his behavior is still aimed at keeping himself in the picture and making your current relationship harder to protect.
This Man Is Basically Your Ex
My advice is to cut all connections with this guy if you really want your current relationship to work.
This man is essentially your ex, even if you do not want to see it that way. You had a sexual history. You had feelings. He had access to you. Now that access is gone, and he is not handling it well.
There is absolutely nothing positive about keeping this “friendship” going, especially if he does not even respect your current boyfriend.
You Cannot Have The Best Of Both Worlds
You need to set your priorities straight and determine who is going to be number one in your life.
If you are serious about being faithful and having a happy relationship with your current boyfriend, this other guy should not be part of the picture.
Remember, in order to be successful at anything, you have to give it your all. If you do not, all you will have is a halfway relationship, and you will never reach true happiness.
You cannot have the best of both worlds.
Do Not Make Excuses Because You Know Him
You said you know him too well to think he is crazy. I get why you would say that.
But do not make excuses just because you have history with him.
People change the minute they stop getting what they want. Or maybe they do not change. Maybe you just finally see a side of them that did not come out until you stopped giving them access.
Either way, you need to stop laughing this off.
What You Should Do Now
- Stop private conversations with him.
- Stop answering blocked numbers or random numbers if you think it is him.
- Tell him clearly not to come to your house uninvited.
- Let your boyfriend know what is happening if it is safe and appropriate.
- Tell trusted family members not to give him information about where you are.
- If he keeps showing up, document it and take it seriously.
This is not about being dramatic. This is about not pretending strange behavior is harmless just because you once cared about the person doing it.
The Honest Truth
The honest truth is that this guy is not acting like a normal friend.
He is acting like a man who lost access to you and cannot stand that another man has the spot he wants. He may like you. He may be jealous. He may feel replaced.
But none of that gives him the right to disrespect your relationship, show up uninvited, call from blocked numbers, and hunt you down through your family.
It is up to you whether you want to see reality or not.
Be careful, and good luck.
by The Last Honest Guy
Hello, there… I’m 43 years old and I’m not so great in reading men. I’m so bad at it, I lost a male friend of 7 yrs. thinking we’re nothing more than friends. We always exchanged gifts for the holidays’ b’days, hung out… nothing fancy always a casual setting. He did say once I was a good woman… I don’t know what those terms mean when it comes from a Man. Such as the guy I’ve been dating for the last 3 yrs -who has said I’m sweet and he thinks the world of me… again what does that mean? And this kissing on the forehead (what am I 2 yrs old). You see, when a man flirts with me, I don’t take much value in what they say… sorry, I don’t.
Please tell me how to tell if a guy is being real or playing, I don’t want to hurt anyone I care about. I feel horrible I, lost this friend for life. I wish I knew how he really felt.
I’ve also been dating another guy, I would say on and off, and when I used those words to him, or say something on the lines he has lost interest in me, he’s says I’m wrong. However, I will say… if I ask him to do something with me other than sex… he does, it may not be right away, yet he does. So, what’s his deal, why is he staying around, for play or is there something more?
Thnx (more…)
