Hi I am having a problem with my fiancé. We are both in our late 20′s and he doesn’t have a job yet, so as a result, he has stolen from me. The first time he stole money I had laid out on my dresser (we don’t live together yet) that I was going to use for gas to get to work that day. The most recent time, he stole my debit card and used it, then put it back without telling me, thinking I wouldn’t notice. He has also stolen items besides money from me too, like computer equipment, a digital camera and other items. I honestly don’t know what to do. I love him to death and I help him out as much as possible, but he keeps taking. I am not even sure if it is a crime since we’re engaged. And I have asked questions of what would happen if I got the police involved, but I don’t want to get him in trouble. I just don’t know what else I can do? He doesn’t even apologize, he just takes things, and I don’t even know it’s missing until afterwards. Sometimes the money he takes, I really need for things. I am just really confused…I help him out with money and anything I can (most recently a LOT of money to get his car engine fixed). But it doesn’t help, he keeps taking. Any advice? I don’t know if counseling or therapy would help or what.. I just know something has to be done. Continue >>
This guy I’ve been seeing for the past few months; divorced 2 years ago after 7 years of marriage, dated a girl 10 years younger for 10 months after his divorce was final and broke up with her to be single for once in his life. 6 months later he meets me and gets pretty serious early on and has become Mr Confused.
he doesn’t want to give me up but feels like he wants to be single bc 1 marriage counselor told him he should be single for 1 year before getting into another relationship. I’m guessing to not fall into the arms of someone like his ex wife. I am nothing like her at all but he seems to have been experiencing post traumatic stress recently. He keeps on telling me he doesn’t want to feel guilty when he wants to travel and doesn’t want to worry about a girlfriend at home bc it makes him feel bad. His ex wife didn’t let him do much without him and did make him feel bad when he did things with friends and not her. I could care less what he does as long as he doesn’t cheat and he knows this. I’m an extremely independent person and I do things with my friend alone all the time.
Well a few evenings ago he tells me his gut is telling him he should be single. That he fights wanting to be with me and being single. I told him I was crushed but if that’s how he feels, that’s how he feels.
The next day he calls me in the morning and leaves me a message that he couldn’t sleep well last night; he was all stressed out. The guys at his fire station told him he was talking about me in his sleep and sleep walking and talking. I then spoke to him later that day and he ask me how I’m doing, I tell him I’m crushed and he proceeds to tell me, “I care about you so much, I mean I don’t think you realize how much you mean to me.” “Please let me come over after my shift on Wed morning to see you.” I don’t know what the point of this meeting is but I said I would see him. I’m really hurt but understand that he needs time. I’m not sure what to do bc I don’t want to date him and him date other people too.
Would you want to back off entirely or date but not as seriously and accept him dating others too? Any other advice is appreciated Continue >>
By now, some of you might have heard about a new iPhone app called the TigerText App. What is it? And what does it do? This application works by allowing the sender to control when a text message is deleted from the recipient’s phone and the TigerText server. In other words, it automatically deletes the text message from both mobile devices and you can even set the timer yourself to “Delete on Read” or up to 30 days after it was sent.
Some are calling this application the “cheaters app”. While this application does have the capability to facilitate cheaters, in reality there’s nothing to be worried about. Let me explain, say your boyfriend or girlfriend has this app installed on their iPhone, then it’s pretty obvious that they’re trying to hide something from someone (probably you). Most likely when questioned, the typical response might be something like, I use it so that my_____ (mom, sister, co-workers, friend, etc.) don’t see what I text. But in reality, don’t get fooled, chances are the only person they’re really trying to hide this from is you. If this is your special someone, then who else can possibly spend more time with this person to that level? The answer is nobody but you. So let’s take off the blindfold and just assume that the only reason to have and use the TigerText App is to hide text messages from you. Now let’s clarify that if this person is single and is just dating you or is just a friend-with-benefits or as we like to call it, “this chick I’m nailing” then they have the right to do whatever they want, no questions asked and you should really stay out of it and stop fighting over this because you have absolutely no right to say anything about the matter.
Now, the real question is, what should you do next after you catch you significant other using the TigerText App? As I’ve stated before, there’s nothing to worry about because it is very simple, you should ask yourself, have I had enough of this? The question shouldn’t be if he’s doing something behind your back or not. The question should be what to do next and if you’ve had enough? As a guy I can say that we are pretty easy to please and the minute we decide to go that route and do things we shouldn’t be doing is because something is missing at home and our needs are not being met. So, your options are clear, either try to find what’s missing and what you can do to fix it or simply call it quits and move on. The last thing you want to do is nag and bitch about it every opportunity you can, because this will only cause more conflicts and if in fact he’s confused about the whole relationship, this could push him away even further. As a guy, nothing can be worse than to fight over the same issue time after time without ever coming up with a resolution to it. Never try to force anyone into a relationship because at the end it’s just harder when things are done and over. There has to be equal effort from both parties into a relationship and if you constantly find yourself being the one trying to make things work, you should take that as a sign that it’s time to move on and find someone who is willing to put the same effort you’re putting into it. Always remember to be realistic and know that sometimes, no matter how much you dislike the idea, things come to and end an there’s nothing you can do about it.
I made plans about a week ago for my husband and I to spend the day out at the lake on Memorial Day. I thought it would be a good chance for us to spend some time together, because he’s going to be working a lot of overtime the next several weeks. He agreed and I’ve been looking forward to this. Today his mom called and wants us to come to her house tomorrow for a cookout. I’m upset because we’ve had our other plans for a week, and she thinks she can call the day before for a cookout? Of course he wants to go, but I want to stick with our original plan. (We can’t do both as his mom lives a few hours away.) My husband knows I don’t want to go to his mom’s and now he’s acting mad at me. Who is in the wrong here? Should I give in and just go to his mom’s even though I’ve been looking forward to going to the lake?
As a guy I can say that most of us usually think about events and everything in our every day life as a money sign $$$$. With that said, I can tell you that if given the option to go the lake and spend money buying all the food and supplies or going over to mom’s and not have to spend a penny, not to mention the fact that there’s no labor involved, I would definitely take the second option.
Another thing you must take in consideration is that most of us guys usually consciously or unconsciously have what we call “plan A” “plan B” etc. So in this case he may have just agreed to go to the lake because there were no other better options available at the time. So the minute something better came up he took it, that simple. In all reality is a no-brainer and if you think about it, going over to his mom’s also saves you the hassle to have to buy everything that you need and have to cook it too. On top of things, if you were planning on making your husband cook everything, then it’s no surprise that he wants to go over to moms. You mention that he has been or will be working a lot of overtime which might one more reason why he wants to just relax this Memorial Day weekend and do as little work as possible.
Really, what you need to do is sit down and have a conversation with your husband and really find out why he wants to go over to his mom’s instead of the lake. Now, keep in mind the possible reasons I just gave you and know that if you guys are not very well financially or have big expenses coming up, then it might be a smarter choice to go over to the in-laws and eat for free. With that said, if he has already given in to your demands and called it off with the in-laws, then at least be kind and don’t expect him to do much work when he comes along to the lake against his wishes. He has already told you what he wants to do and now everything he’s doing is to please you and avoid a fight. In the future just know that we always look at things from a financial perspective and that’s usually the basis of our decisions. We rarely want to throw away money when is not necessary.
I’m a woman of 48 who thankfully looks and feels about 33. This is due to keeping active and eating well. I’ve had a good career and lots of lovely friends. My only heartache is that is seems so difficult to have a relationship which works and lasts. Sure I’ve had two serious boyfriends, one for a year and a half who wanted to marry but I wasn’t into him enough to settle. The second was 14 years younger and ended the relationship after 4 years as he couldn’t commit for a life. I am a good person and would love to meet someone with whom it works. I’ve tried dance classes, traveling and even internet dating clubs all to no avail. I usually go about my day without focusing on this as I tend to take it in my stride. This helped by the fact that I often get asked out and do feel attractive. The problem is that I’m only really attracted to much younger guys. I don’t want a guy who has children. However, after the most recent breakup with a guy of 24 (we dated for 2 months) I feel that it is so hopeless. This hurt me a bit as I liked him so much even though he had a serious drink problem and knew it couldn’t continue. I started saying to myself ‘am I a lesbian?’, it was that bad! I know I’m not a lesbian of course but why is it so difficult? Thanks for any advice.
First of all let me just say that this is the Honest opinion of a Guy from a guy’s perspective. Being a woman of 48, you should not be looking for guys that are much younger than you. Let me explain, A guy who is younger than you is more likely to have a different prospective in life than you. In other words, you guys have different interests. He might want to drink and have fun and not settle down. Hint: the 24 year old guy. I would say that a guy who is 35 and up, is more likely to want to settle down only if he doesn’t have kids or has never been married before. If this has happened and he’s now single, than he’s probably the kind that started too young and this is his second chance at life and is definitely not looking to settle down again.
Also look at the current trends in our society and look at yourself. Right now it is “cool” to hook up with older ladies, especially if they look hot and younger than their own age, i.e. you. You are referred to as a “cougar” or a “MILF” (look it up), which is the reason why younger guys might try to hit on you. All they really want is to “hit it and quit it” That’s all! In reality you should know that those are the intensions of any guy that is much younger than you.
In my opinion it seems that you really like the attention of young guys because it makes you feel young too and because obviously a younger guy looks physically better than a guy your age. The problem here is that there is a difference in the stages of life you are both in. Mainly the fact that you want to settle down and they don’t. That also includes a lot of other differences that are only normal for their age group.
My advice would be to look for guys that are closer to your age because chances are that both of you might have the same priorities in life. Now a day, there are a lot of 40-50 year old guys that also look a lot younger than their age and have a healthy life style as well. One good place to start looking is the gym. If a matured age guy is at the gym and looks good, chances are that he’s into a healthy life style already, which seems to be one of the major requirements for you in a partner. At this point in your life you might also need to compromise some of the things you need in a guy. For example, chances are that a mature guy that looks good probably has kids, and that’s normal. Think about it, he was probably even better looking when he was younger and therefore had a lot of available options, so chances are that he’s already divorced or has kids. What I’m trying to say is that you need to pick your priorities of what you want in a guy and separate them between the “must have” and “should have”. Be realistic or be very patient. Those are you two options.