I could really use honesty. My husband and I have been together for 13 years married 7 this December. We have 2 small children together ages 6 and 7 and I have 2 older. 1 out of the house the other 15 (female). We have always had a loving relationship, supportive. He’s my best friend. My husband has always worked hard and played hard. About two years ago he started using drugs. The past 9 months I believe he has been doing something harder. The past 6 months he has completely changed. Does not hang with closest friends, been staying out all night at least 3 to 4 nights a week. He always told me need to quit drinking, just having fun. Well I found him at the house of his best friends ex 11 pm about a month ago. A friend of ours cared enough about me to at least give me a name and then the rest all made sense. He came home we talked or basically I cried he made up bullshit excuses as to y he was there. I then found a text on his phone. I don’t look at his phone but he fell asleep with it open on his lap. I wasn’t really expecting to see anything but I did see a revealing message from this woman or to this woman how they missed cuddling, goodnight love you had fun tonight(was supposed to be out with a bud) Who of course insists my husband isn’t cheating. He has been home every night since I found him at her house and has been somewhat more affectionate though I sense there is something still going on. I have asked to see detailed wireless bill online and he will not give me password and phone company will not help me because my name is not on the account. I love this man. We have built a life together I do not want to lose him and I do not know what to do. Every time I bring up this person which he says is just a friend he tells me I’m crazy also said I was crazy and did not know what I saw when I read the text. He tells me he loves me does not want anyone else but I feel he is still speaking with her and will under no circumstances admit any wrong doing. I just want my husband and the life we had before. I have always given him space and freedom, treated his friends as family and taken care of the kids, bills etc. Do I back off? I need some advice badly. Thank you. Continue >>
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 9 months ago because he can’t accept that I have kids from a previous marriage (he’s 26, I’m 31) He says he doesn’t believe he loves me, but I feel like he does. We had a great relationship, great chemistry, are best friends, and are compatible in many areas. For 9 months we still continue to talk and see each other, and neither of us have wanted to fully stop. He seems confused, as he is trying to move on, but doesn’t want to let go of me. Am I fooling myself that maybe he will realize his true feelings?
Hello, I am 17 and I’m having some concerns about long distance relationships. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 3 years and the past 10 months he has been living in Japan for a youth exchange program. Everything would be fine because he comes home in a month, but after the summer I will be moving away to Belgium for a year in August. I am really excited for my exchange and I have no doubts that I would stay faithful, but whenever I mention anything about he changes the subject and seems almost angry. I mean… I am only doing the exact same thing that he is doing and I have known that I’ve wanted to do this before we even started dating. Do you think he’s considering… I don’t even want to say it… but ending it? We have only talked twice in the past month and I am really worried if these are early signs.
Hello, Last Honest Guy!
I’m a 27 year old woman married to a 27 year old man. We had been in a 3 year long monogamous relationship prior to our marriage, with no real plans to make it official, but we married almost 4 years ago out of necessity when he enlisted in the Navy. It was either get hitched or never see him again, and the pre-existing stability, security, and comfort were too good for either of us to refuse. I deeply respect and cherish my marriage and my husband (even my in-laws!). Truly there is no one else on earth that is as good to me as he has been. He is exceedingly practical, hard working, fiscally solid, a homebody, emotionally withdrawn, intellectually beyond brilliant, physically large and imposing, and utterly alpha. I believe he considers me to be his, to protect and to provide for. Our relationship borders on master and pet at times; though he would never insist on it being that way, I know he enjoys it.
The problem I’m having stems from potential infidelity, on both sides. My husband is currently on an 8 to 10 month deployment to the Mediterranean. I am not unfamiliar with the culture of the Navy (shipmates wouldn’t dare air out someone else’s dirty laundry), about my husband’s epicurean tendencies… for instance he enjoyed hard partying and going to strip clubs, mentioning it later to me, off-handedly, while he was temporarily assigned to a station near New Orleans. I honestly believe him when he says he doesn’t care about other people enough to develop a relationship with them, but that didn’t stop the myriad of one-nighters in the past. He has not cheated on me to my knowledge, but he willingly admits cheating on exes. The old adage, “Once a cheater always a cheater,” plus the sheer ability to cheat while on the other side of the globe in fabulous Italy? It’s got me in a heightened security state, we’ll say. But I’m not innocent either, at all, and this is the real meat of my story. As much as I love my husband, I am still in love with a man I knew (and slept with) in high school. He’s similar yet very different than my husband: vivacious and charismatic, social and intellectual, and very proud. We met and I immediately felt like he was something special… no one else in my life has electrified me the way he does, and he knows it.
For nearly 10 years I’ve suppressed an intense physical and mental attraction to him; that suppression led to some very saucy dreams, I must say. We chatted passively over the Internet, but lived in different states. However, since I’ve been home, we recently met over a few beers (which was probably a dumb idea). The depth of passion that he brought out in me just by being physically close was shocking, especially as compared to the comfortable rut of my relationship with my husband. I was extremely honest (and moderately drunk) with him about how I felt, and while he was honest in return about wanting sex, he admirably deflected my more obvious advances. He seemed to enjoy flirting, as always, but was talking a hell of a lot more than usual since I’m sure we were both nervous even with the liquid courage. It had been 10 years, after all. Even still, it took all I had not to jump him then and there, and he could tell. The worst part of my side of this story is that I’m only a phone call away from sleeping with this man. My husband has been clear about his feelings on extra-marital relationships: with other women it’s fine, but when another penis enters the scene, his alpha male-ism flares up like a wildfire. It literally comes down to primal instincts, and he actually used the words “breeding rights”! So here’s the rub: I want to sleep with my high school lover. When I want something, all nuance flies out the window and I take that bull by the horns. He seems well aware of how bad an idea this is, but we think on the same wavelength and I know he wants me, too. I’m desperately in love with him, and to him, I’m the one that got away.
Is there a way to solve this for all parties? I know I’m looking for excuses to make it OK, and that’s not OK, but one more night of racy dreams in an empty bed will have me howling at the moon. Should I tell my husband any part of this? I’m a diehard “brutal honesty” kind of gal, but it seems risky to even bring up the prospect. Should I break off contact entirely with my old lover? Suffering silently through 10 more years of insane attraction is a bummer, too. The male points of view would be pretty awesome at this point!
A faithful but frustrated wife
When I was 22 I started dating a girl. shortly thereafter she found out she was pregnant from her ex boyfriend. we eventually got married in 2008 and divorced in 2011. She had a little girl and I was there throughout the entire pregnancy, birth and have raised her even after the divorce. My daughter is now five. I am now 27 and I have been dating my girlfriend, 22, for over a year. She has always said that she doesn’t particularly like kids and didn’t want kids. She has since decided she wants kids with me however does not accept my daughter as mine because of the lack of DNA. She refuses to come hang out with us and barely talks to me on weekends when I have my daughter. Other than this issue we are perfect for each other. Why can’t she accept her as my daughter? Am I expecting to much from her about the situation? Has anyone else been in this situation before? Advice needed!!!!! Continue >>