Q:

I really need a man advice….so..as you are the last honest one..here I am. My name is Ad******, I am 49 and I have a relation with a man for about one and a half year. We are both singles,he is divorced ten years ago. In the early stage of our relation he explain to me that he is used to be single and don’t think to be available for emotional attachment. But I really liked him, felt good together, so I remain in this relation. Now,everything is good between us (from all points of view), somehow feel very close together and I’m pretty sure he feels good with me. But we are not really a couple;I mean, we don’t live together, don’t make plans for the future. So,I’m confused. It is possible that a man really prefer to live alone? or is just some fear of attachment? Can I do something to change this, if it is the case? I wish I could understand because I really love him (and is not just desire, but also appreciation and respect). So I wish that things go well for us. But I don’t want to “manipulate” him, because I think it must come from him to be worthwhile, no mater what. I will be grateful for your opinion.

A:

Sounds to me like this man has had such a bad experience with his first marriage that he has promised himself to never ever fall for it again. In other words, he’s scarred for life and unfortunately, there’s not much you can do but to give him time. Even after you give him time, there are no guarantees he will want to move in with you and be a traditional couple. He has been alone for 10 years and I’m sure that if he wanted another relationship he would’ve had it already.

He was very clear with you at the beginning when he told you he didn’t want to get emotionally attached. You don’t have a magic vagina that is going to make him change his mind, so please do not even try it. I think that after a year an a half it’s time to have a serious conversation with him, tell him what you want, and find out if he is thinking along the same lines as you. If he is not, it’s time to move on. You’re not necessarily a spring chicken and can’t waste your time like this. You also can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want, especially when he was honest with you at the beginning. And please, don’t become a nagging girlfriend because there’s not a man on earth that would like to put up with that.