Hey honest guy, Hope you can help me. I’m 28 and I’ve been married before. I have 5y.o. boy., then happily divorced. Now I’m dating for over 16 months with a man, who is 10 years older then me. He has his own lifestyle, business and bugs as we all do. I love him with all this set, as is, and I understand that people at that age will never change. The thing is that after more then a year in relationships we still pretty much scheduling our dates like ones or twice a week and it seems like fine by him. He is introverted, so I understand that sometimes he needs some space. My concern that relationships isn’t growing. We don’t talk about moving in together or anything like that. At the same time I’m the FIRST woman that have been introduced to his family. He has never been married or lived with somebody. Do you think someday he will wake up one day, and say, now I’m ready for more. Cause I am ready, at list ready to start talking and planing. I want to have real family, and unfortunately can’t date with somebody till I get grey hair.
It sounds to me like you’re in a really sticky situation and you need to make a tough decision. First of all, if he wanted to move forward and take the relationship to the next level he would’ve done so already. After almost a year and a half of being in a relationship and at his age it would only be normal for him to do this if that’s what he wants. It seems like he’s perfectly fine with the relationship the way it is and unfortunately he’s happy and your not.
Here’s what to do:
You need to talk to him and be very honest about what your relationship goals with him are and get his point of view. Be calm and reasonable and just hear what he has to say. You might be able to set a time frame for a follow up conversation on the subject if he needs time to think about it. Make it clear that you’re looking for an honest answer and you’re open to hearing only the real truth and not what he might think you want to hear. It’s important to make him feel comfortable talking to you and opening up. Let him know he can trust you 100% in order to see where he really stands in the relationship.
If you’re able to accomplish that and be successful, you will be able to determine what your next move might be. Don’t take open ended answers from him and again, if he needs time to think and get back to you, set a date for the next talk. It’s important to follow up and get a real answer from him.
Here’s what not to do:
- Don’t give him an ultimatum.
- Don’t threaten to leave him if he doesn’t want to move forward with the relationship.
- Don’t be a bitch.
I really hope this guy has a good and convincing reason why he hasn’t explore the possibilities of evolving in the relationship. To be honest, I don’t believe he wants to move in with you any time soon. Be prepare to face the music and walk away. Remember that you also need to be happy in this relationship. Good luck.