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Is he playing me like a fiddle and laughing at me or is he emotionally unavailable?

Is he playing me like a fiddle and laughing at me or is he emotionally unavailable? post image

I will make this as short as I possible can… I will call the man I am speaking of “Tony” when referring to him.  Before now, Tony and I knew each other on a “hi/bye” level for several years.. We have mutual friends so throughout the years we would run into each other from time to time… A few times he made comments to me like “If you were single, you’d be my girl” but I never paid much attention to it. In August 2012, I requested to be his friend on facebook and immediately I received a message from him. We exchanged phone numbers and have been “friends since.” He asked me out several times before I finally gave in one morning when he asked me to breakfast. He would send me good morning texts just about everyday as well as text me multiple times throughout the day. About two months into our “friendship” and 3 dates later, I slept by his house and I slept w/him…I never had a bad intuition about it or anything… He called the next day, and the next and things continued good… He attended my birthday party, he seemed interested in my life and my opinions on things, he remembers the little things, blah, blah, blah… And I strarted to grow feeling for him.. Through the months of us talking, we have gone to eat or have a drink several times and continued seeing each other… Not once did we talk about “us.” As time past, I could feel him fading away/losing interest… Instead of texting everyday, it would be maybe once every 2 or 3 days… but never did he go more than 4 or 5 days w/o being in contact. Sometimes if I didnt hear from him for a day or two I would contact him.. Everytime he came back around I would be right there and everytime he would ask me to do something I would say yes.. I finally decided to tell him that I have realized that I put myself in a position where I am going to get hurt and that if I was going to continue to “give myself” to someone, I expected to be worth their time and effort.. I did not give him an ultimatum nor was I demanding, I was just expressing how I felt..He responded by saying he is so glad that I am honest and he would want nothing less that for me to be honest but that he is just not ready for a relationship. He went on to say that he recently got out of a long relationship and he had a bad taste in his mouth for ladies and that I opened his eyes.. blah blah! I told him I understood and completely respected the way he felt and agreed to remain friends. Unfortunately, I did the stupidest thing ever and have slept with him twice since! He still keeps in touch but not nearly as much. I have pulled back within the last week and have not contacted him at all. I just need a mans opinion on a few things…. What should I do that would give me the best chance to potentially have something with him? or am I kidding myself? Is he playing me like a fiddle and laughing at me or is he emotionally unavailable ? What do you suggest I do that would result in him having respect for me but also realizing that I do care for him but wont be played for a fool? (or is it too late for all that?)

PLEASE HELP!

http://www.thelasthonestguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ANSWER.jpg

The number one way to get a guy’s attention is to make him feel like he’s losing what he thinks he has won already. What I mean, is that you need to stop “giving it up” every time he wants it. Also, I suggest you act like you’re not interested in him anymore and stop calling him. Once he gets your point he will start trying to get your attention again and you will once again have a chance to make him value you by making him earn his privileges with you again. If he doesn’t pursuit you anymore that means he is no longer interested in you as a girlfriend. Don’t get the fact that he’s willing to sleep with you for wanting to be your boyfriend. Every guy wishes he can find a friend with benefits. That’s what you are right now.

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  • Arielle

    His name is Jamie and we are both 18 and we dated for 3 months, we met by text, my friend had said she had this perfect guy for me and gave me his number. We liked each other isntantly and both had a similar bad past…which got us closer along with troubled ex’s. Few weeks later we met and before I knew it he was kissing my face off. Our relationship was so intense…I have never fallen so hard for someone and I was introduced to his parents and he to mine. We started being sexual like a week after knowing each other but we didnt have sex until 2 months in..it just felt right and since he lives far away we would only see each other every weekend. I got so close to his family and friends and he to mine, i felt the distance was good for us though and in the third month I started sleeping over. We started talking about if we woud want to stay together in uni and stuff but it was nothing really. He is so smart and was accepted into a VERY perstegious uni that required him to get an A*, A A which put alot of pressure on him so one day after sex he told me he needed a break cause he couldnt handle the relationship during exams and I cried of course and took it as a break up but he wanted to make the most of it and talked about marriage and stuff( this wasnt the first time by the way)..but a week later he was distant and wouldnt say I love you anymore or call me beautiful and so I asked and he said we may get back together after exams but we may not and he doesnt want to lead me on….well 2 visits over at my house and 2 weeks later he called me..after talking to my friend the night before saying how much he loved me and still liked me and told me he didnt love me anymore and would prob not get back together with me…I didnt cry and just said fine but told him I would not be his friend and the life I had with his family is over now and he hanked me.for eing strong and said he wanted me to be his friend…I didnt talk to him for a week and in that week he kept calling and asking my sister an my friend if I was ok and wanted fo let me know I dont have to give up the life I had…I saw he still cared about me and was trying. So I sent him a text saying I needed time. His mom had sent me a text saying how sad she was and how much she missed me. 2 weeks later i invited him to my b-day and when he came it was reeeeally nice, he kept saying how pretty I was, poking me, playing with me, brushing my lap and staring at me, even sticking out his tongue at me which is what we do when we sexualy want each other, at the resteraunt we were sharing food. At the end I took him to the bus stop and he said thanks for bringing me along and then took me in his arms and was about to kiss me but remberd we were broken up and said oh yeah…sorry about that and got on the bus….do you think there is a chance of gettig back together? What do I do?

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Move on, don’t wait around for him. If you do, you’ll be wasting your time.

  • Doriel

    HONEST GUY ok I have a friend that I’ve known for years. We used to hang out go for walks etc. At one point we were both seekng other people but our chemistry was so right that even other people would notice it. It just so happened that we both broke up with our exes at the ssme time. We started hanging out again after that. We Finally kissed for the first time and nearly had sex. After that he didnt call and I got upset. Finnally we had ‘the talk’ he said he’s a bad communicator and sometimes he just “goes with the flow’ I was reslly hurt by this and managed to let him go.
    Fast forwsrd now a year later we got over it and decided to hang out again. Things got heated and we slept together again.. He has checked up on me afterwards but then 3 days later he hasnt called. I know his life has become really busy since the first incident he now has a new baby( he’s not with the mother) he bought a new house and he sometines works 7 days a week. But he also shows signs of being emotionally unavailable. The thing that keeps me holding on to the possibilities of us really being together is that when we are togeyher it really feels right we really connect as friends…but then he goes MIA. Please tell me what I should do? Am I just wasting my time should I remain friends with him until he comes around or do I cut him off completely?

  • Purice Nichols

    From an experienced woman’s point of view, play hard to get..a man loves it..Don’t put out until he starts “putting in”…If this is the man you really care about and hope to perhaps SOMEDAY be the one he would want a relationship with, then be the apple at the top of the tree that is the hardest to get, and maybe someday you will end up being the APPLE OF HIS EYE…I know all about this, cos it happened to me for a year, and now, let’s just say, I am THE BIG RED APPLE…:))

  • Purice Nichols

    I seee a man who truly still loves you and cares about you, but has just simply “wanted his space”, sweetie..Give him his space, let him be the one who does the chasing…I think he could be a keeper..Looks as though you both have had a lot invested in this relationship..He is not playing games with you, he just needs his space, and you are playing it okay right now..Continue to be yourself, but not needy, and see what happens in the future now..Sometimes when a guy has pressures that are mounting up, a relationship can seem like a pressure cooker on top of everything else. I have found, even with my own man, space is important to a man, and a patient, understanding woman…In the end, sometimes she ends up to be the one he wants after all to TAKE UP THAT SPACE…

  • Purice Nichols

    He sounds complicated in his own right, which, from experience, some men are..and you say baby even? I think, if it were me, I would stick to just friends with nooo benefits, and if you really care about him the way you say you do, let him know you are there for friendship only…Maybe if he sees what kind of girl you are, he will start to relent, open up more, and include you in his life…Play it cool, don’t be too easy, just gets more complicated right now for him…Let time dictate if it is really meant to go further for you both…

  • Arielle

    Hey 🙂 That was the last time I saw him :-/ 3 months had gone by and we hadnt talked to each other and so I texted him cause I was emotionaly ready and he was bery distant and wouldnt text me…it be one of those he’ll answer if I text him but he kept saying stuff like when he apologised for not texting I said I forgot and he said “I’m glad your ok..really? Like why wouldnt I be and then couple weeks later I asked him to hang out and he said “is that a good idea, I dont want to lead you on”…so I told him I may still love him but I was over him and asked him really? I am fine with being friends and then he texted me it was weird talking to me after everything….I didnt want him to know I was hurt so I texted him saying “ok…when your ready you can talk to me and he said ok…talk to you later. And that was the last time I herd from him :,( not a day goes by I dont think about him. I still love him and I know he still feels something for me but I guess he wanted to be away from me cause its easier to hide from your feelings, or maybe he didnt like me anymore….Its been 3 months but honestly….I dont know if I will hear from him again 🙁 Even though I still love him very much.

  • Arielle

    That makes me feel alot better 🙂 I habe actually been working on myself and lost alot of weight, enjoying being single and hey 🙂 Most guys come back at some point in your life….I want to be the best i can be and to be the one to make the decision weayher we get back together or not….not cause I am desperate and was waiting 🙂

  • Purice Nichols

    lol!!! Yes, they do at some point, some do come back..whether or not we still want them still is in our ball park…Good for uu, sweetie..Feeling good about yourself is the key to everything as a woman…feeling independent and good about yourselves takes all precedence over anything..

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