I have a crush on my secret friend but I’m married…

by The Last Honest Guy

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Im a married woman who is having a “secret” friendship with my hubbys buddy/workmate. We get along so well, text each other on a daily basis. I started to have feelings for him. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband, and would never cheat on him. My guy friend has never come on to me and Im almost positive hes NOT into me. I don’t think I can continue this friendship because we sadly have to hide it and Im crushing on him. How do I save face and end our friendship without letting him know Im into him? How do I get over this crush on him? Should I confess to my hubby that we’ve had this secret friendship? He probably would never believe it has always been strictly platonic :(

Answer

First things first, if you truly want to end this “friendship” you should just end it. But how you ask, simple, just tell him that you’ve been thinking about this for a while and feel that is wrong to have this secret friendship and want to stop. Tell him that you love you’re husband too much to do this to him. Also tell him that you wouldn’t want your husband to do this to you and so you want to stop doing it to him.

If you want to get over this crush is very simple, stop having any kind of contact with him and find another hobby to substitute the time you were spending talking to him. Be strict and just do it.

Should you tell your husband? No

If nothing really happened between the two of you, then there’s no need to raise any suspicions about something that never took place. Also, think about how awkward is going to be for your husband at work when he has to work and interact with this guy at work.

Just know that you must end this asap in order to get over this guy.

One thing to keep in mind is the main cause of this whole situation. You obviously lack attention from your husband and that’s why you found it elsewhere. Find a way to fix that. You may need to text him or call him more often instead of calling the other guy. Maybe you should find yourself a girlfriend and talk to her instead. Why do you need to have a guy friend?

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  • SheerGlamour

    Well do you need to think about it??!  Do you want your husband to be having a crush on another women as well??   If you don’t like or love your husband then get divorced, and then have your crush crush all you want!  If you can’t help people at least don’t hurt them!!

  • E888mouse

    Or you can simply do what I did.  I told her I was falling n love with her, that it was my fault for hanging around her so much, and that I was sorry.   I told her she was a great friend and that I took it too far.  I told her what I did was wrong, even if I didnn’t mean for this to happen.  We are now arm’s length friends.  Don’t feel bad this happened to you – feel bad if it continues.

  • Ellen Kreidman

    Totally agree with the answer by the ‘Last honest guy’ here. First of all, you should not have let the “secret” friendship gets so far that you’re now scared of your husband finding out. I know that’s not the point here but you need to think about this, or else it may be repeated with someone. Now, as already mentioned, end it asap and stop all contacts with him. Also go away with your husband for the weekend, or plan something romantic for the two of you. Keep your mind on him and how you can build up on your marriage relationship. That should get you to forget about any other friendship. divorce your husband

  • Purice Nichols

    Dear Crush…I know how easy it can be to have feelings for someone else while married to another, even if it is your hubby’s buddy or even a family member. Sounds as though you BOTH have a crush on each other..You sound as though you are in a rut at this stage of your marriage and that is why this has started..but you also see how it has to END too…You didn’t stress whether or not he was married, but regardless, it has to end and end NOW..No more texting, first off. Nothing to explain to him..If he texts you and asks what is the matter, you just say “I think it best we not text anymore, you are, after all, my husband’s friend, which I am MARRIED to.” You don’t need to explain anything to him anything MORE and for God’s sakes, do not confront your husband with something that never even materialized. Let sleeping dogs lie, and just be thankful it was a simple text, and not a complicated affair, which could have ruined your marriage. By the way, find another hobby instead of texting. That will make you forget him in time. It was just a crush, remember, not love. That fizzles out real quick when you put your mind and time on something else.

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