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Do I back off? I need some advice badly…

Do I back off? I need some advice badly… post image

I could really use honesty. My husband and I have been together for 13 years married 7 this December. We have 2 small children together ages 6 and 7 and I have 2 older. 1 out of the house the other 15 (female). We have always had a loving relationship, supportive. He’s my best friend. My husband has always worked hard and played hard. About two years ago he started using drugs. The past 9 months I believe he has been doing something harder. The past 6 months he has completely changed. Does not hang with closest friends, been staying out all night at least 3 to 4 nights a week. He always told me need to quit drinking, just having fun. Well I found him at the house of his best friends ex 11 pm about a month ago. A friend of ours cared enough about me to at least give me a name and then the rest all made sense. He came home we talked or basically I cried he made up bullshit excuses as to y he was there. I then found a text on his phone. I don’t look at his phone but he fell asleep with it open on his lap. I wasn’t really expecting to see anything but I did see a revealing message from this woman or to this woman how they missed cuddling, goodnight love you had fun tonight(was supposed to be out with a bud) Who of course insists my husband isn’t cheating. He has been home every night since I found him at her house and has been somewhat more affectionate though I sense there is something still going on. I have asked to see detailed wireless bill online and he will not give me password and phone company will not help me because my name is not on the account. I love this man. We have built a life together I do not want to lose him and I do not know what to do. Every time I bring up this person which he says is just a friend he tells me I’m crazy also said I was crazy and did not know what I saw when I read the text. He tells me he loves me does not want anyone else but I feel he is still speaking with her and will under no circumstances admit any wrong doing. I just want my husband and the life we had before. I have always given him space and freedom, treated his friends as family and taken care of the kids, bills etc. Do I back off? I need some advice badly. Thank you.

As everyone who regularly reads my blog knows, the advice here is given from a guy’s point of view and it’s ultimately what a guy would do if in that situation. I don’t sugar coat my answer or worry about being sensitive or choosing the sweetest words in order to tell you what my honest advice is. With that said, STOP BEING STUPID and have some self respect for yourself. Just because you’ve been with someone for a long time doesn’t means is right to stay with that person when that person is no longer worth it. I don’t care what he has said to you but we both know he has cheated on you. You caught him! He’s a drug addict and spends 3-4 days a week away from home. It can’t be any clearer than that. Plan out carefully how you are going to leave him and take your time. You never know how a drug addict can react when you tell him you’re leaving. Contact an attorney and do things right.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Mark C

    Don’t be too quick to give uo on someone in crisis. Especially in this case where there were good years of healthy relationship with each other and family. It’s cleary time to plan and execute an intervention. Secure the help of a professional who knows how to approach this properly. It will give the family an opportunity to confront and hold accountable. There are always details others don’t fully know. Allow them to surface in time. The possibilities of healing and restoration are too critical and sacred to abandon prematurely. There is hope and it’s far better to risk a last and corageous effort (if the person was ever worth it!) than to live with the regret of never having tried…

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Based on the information this person has given, I think she’s done more than enough to try to save this relationship. When two people really wants to try to work on a relationship, the effort come equally from both sides not just one. If her reason for staying is the number of years they’ve been together, in my book that’s not a valid reason. Time to move on!

  • Honest Woman

    I am with lhg here because there are also children involved. They don’t need to see dad getting wrecked and treating mom with disrespect, either. If he is shooting up, then it’s between him and the drug. Using is a selfish act when you have big responsibilities like a family. If she stays, she will be raising those children alone plus trying to protect them from an addict, in addition to playing fairy godmother to a cheating addict husband. Those kids come first, because they can’t help themselves. She needs to leave asap.

  • HuffyHuffycom

    You can’t make an addict want to stop using… If he wants to get clean, he will… and no one dictates that but the user. Interventions can fail because the user is not ready to quit.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Well said, thank you for the comment.

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