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I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 5 years and we’ve both been faithful… NOT!

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 5 years and we’ve both been faithful… NOT! post image

I have been dating a guy for the past 6 years. We started dating in high school, and then went away to separate colleges. Even though it hasn’t been very serious for the past 5 years, we’ve stayed really close and haven’t dated other people. He is my best friend. We thought that after graduating college we could figure things out, but I was offered a great job in Atlanta, and he was offered a great job in Minnesota.

So, here we are, still in a long distance relationship 5 years later. For some reason, since graduation, this has been even more difficult. We’re both very practical people, and we realize that at 23, we’re just too young to start making sacrifices for each other. Neither of us is situated in a place we want to be long-term, and we’re both probably going to get promoted and/or have to move within this year, 2012. With the past year getting tougher and tougher on us because of the distance, we’re growing apart. Its not anyone’s fault, it’s just difficult to really be a part of each other’s lives when we see each other only once every 1-2 months.

The problem right now for me isn’t exactly the distance. For me it has been hard to get over his lack of commitment to a plan. I am 100% ok with where we are now as young adults, as long as we have a long term plan that doesn’t involve distance. We need to have an end-point. I proposed that sometime during the year 2013 (we will both be 24 at that point) that I move to wherever he is (after I find a job). I don’t want to move in with him or anything, I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with him. For me, its frustrating to be dating someone for 6 years, and not be further along in our relationship. For him, the problem IS the distance and on top of the distance, he is really not in the mindset to be in a committed serious relationship right now.

He told me that he loves me, and he’s only in this relationship right now because he sees us being together in the future, but mentally right now he feels he shouldn’t be in a serious relationship because he can’t give it the time commitment and consideration it deserves. But, he knows that if we break up, we probably won’t get back together, and he doesn’t want to lose me. He just feels like he’s not mature enough to be settling down, and there are a lot of things he wants to do as a young adult that he knows he won’t be able to do if he has to make sacrifices right now. I actually get it. I’m not upset with him for how he feels. I respect the fact that he is being honest with me.

The problem is, neither of us wants to break up. I’m not sure if I should:

A: wait it out, hope its not years before he feels ready for the commitment; or

B: break up with him and try to move on.

He is a really good person, and he honestly is a great boyfriend right now. He works extremely long weeks but he still calls and texts me every day when he has free time. I’m scared to let things go on like this knowing how he feels right now, but I’m also scared to let him go. I don’t want to settle down right now either, I just want more security in our relationship, and I know he can’t give that to me right now.

First things first, when you say “we haven’t dated anyone else in five years” really means YOU haven’t dated anyone else in 5 yrs. At first I was hoping I wasn’t going to have to tell you this but after reading about his lack of commitment, there’s no doubt in my mind that this guy has definitely been banging other girls on the side.

You really can’t blame him either. He’s a god damn college student who is in his prime and wants to get laid as much as possible.

So now get over this part and let’s continue.

I think you’re a fool for wanting to chase this guy and be willing to give up all you’re hard work in school all these years for him. Not to mention the fact that you’re giving up your future by suggesting to move to whatever city he happens to be in, even if this city has no career future to offer you.

Have you thought about how bad you’re going to feel when this doesn’t work out and you’ve wasted even more of your life with this guy? How you can potentially miss out on great job offers and later it would be too late to take them just because you decided to chase a guy? Or how you’re whole life and future could be ruin just because of this?

Look, it’s quite obvious to me what you should do; option B. No doubt!

1. You haven’t dated enough people to know what kind of guy you really want.

2. You’re still young and on time to change that.

3. You will find the right person for you once you have found the right city where you’ll want to work for the rest of your life.

At that point you will not have to move to an undesirable place. You will have the right dating experience to make the right choice in men. You will find a guy who does want to settle down and has an established career in your current city. And finally, you will realize how stupid it was to think you could give up all you’re dreams for a guy who clearly told you in a “nice” way that he doesn’t want the same things you want.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Nomar

    two weeks ago i and my boyfriend had a conflict, so with that he broke up with me saying he no longer wanted to associate with me anymore, i never knew he was interested in working out his marriage with another girl, i was helpless because i loved him so much morethan myself, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands, he really was leaving me, i could not stay without him, i tried to figure things out with him but he is not listening me, he told me that he is no longer interested that i should look for someone else, i tried all my best but things were not working out, so i had no choice than to look around for help, i went into search of spell caster to help me bring him back to me with the help of spell and after searching i actually finalize to work with in regards of my lover. after 3 days as he told that my lover will return. my lover returned in surprising way, i was chocked and was so happy I can’t say how much I’m grateful, My lover not only came back to me, but has left his other girl and now has engaged me, we are getting married next month, I don’t know what I would have done without this spell caster.

  • Radeontimer

    i’m not going into deep details…..but i myself have been in a distant relationship for 8years STRAIGHT(just so u know, i did not even go over to visit my girlfriend !!) ……its been 8years since we haven’t met in person, i’m now 30years old and she is 28….so yeah u can imagine how long it is…….

     me and her are finally going to get married this year 2013 on 14 December(the day we first met and also the day i asked her to be my girlfriend after getting to know her for a year)  ……  our friends and family are all stunned at how the fuck did we even manage to maintain our relationship…… 

    i can only say that  as long as u love someone n u really mean it, then fuck the distance, don let all those material stuffs come in your love between u n ur bf……. and as for whether is your boyfriend cheating behind your back, if he did really cheat on u, then i say please dump him already BUT if he did not and doesn’t cheat on u then continue this relationship by all means with love….because for my case, me n my girlfriend(now fiancee) have always told each other that only death AND cheating will do us apart, NOT distance.

    true love conquers.

    all the best in your case 

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Haha! I hope you don’t think this is normal? Look, there’s always exemptions to every rule. Nuff said.

  • Get rid of him!

    i don’t think he has the balls to commit. Like the guy i just dumped after 1 year of long distance he’s not with you because he chooses to not be there. My brother moved to another city so he could be with his gf and i admire a man who is brave enough to commit to a relationship unlike some guys who let it slowly die due to long distance so they don’t even have to dump you, you just dump yourself in the end. Get rid of him he is wasting your precious good-looking fun years!!!!!!!! all the best.

  • Good on you!

    weird shit lol but glad it worked out and you didn’t have to jump off a bridge!

  • Radeontimer

    distance relationship is never normal……..because i myself had very very bad times with my then girlfriend, we have been through hell and now we’re on heaven(marriage)…and yes, there’s always exemptions to every rule if one chooses to love someone exceptionally

  • Anonymous

    i have been married for 7 months, i was 5 months pregnant, i love my husband so much, but he treated me so badly we fought because i have found numerous other emails, and texts on his phone from other women, i became so tired of of his womanizing behavior, worrying all the time, and i was always scared when i am not with him . one night he came back drunk, he also came with the another lady, when i i tried to confront him, he immediately started hitting me and he pushed me out the house and ask me to leave, i was lost and confused, i was stranded that i have to find a help from anywhere then i came across a spell caster Robinson who had saved many marriage so as i called Robinson by his number + 19715126745 and he told me what is needed and after 3 days, he restored my marriage, i and my husband came back together as a married couple again, i am so so so so happy, my marriage was saved by Mr Robinson

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