Hello Again Last Honest Guy :]
My boyfriend and I are both active duty military and we are both 21 years old, me being 6 months older than him. We’ve been together for almost 5 months now and I’ve noticed something about him that has sparked a bit of curiosity in me. He’s absolutely wonderful and everything I have ever dreamed of having in a man and quite frankly I constantly wonder how I managed to find somebody so amazing… however, he has quite a low sex drive. At least, in comparison to how often I want sex which is practically all the time.
I don’t think in the slightest that it has anything to do with looks. We are both very physically fit since we have to maintain a military standard. He’s muscular and lean and I’m sporting XS Victorias Secret
wear. He even tells me all the time that I have a model body and will grope on me playfully. I love to wear sexy lingerie for him and we experiment in spicy ways, most of the ideas originally being his. We
have sex anytime we see each other and on days we are both off duty, we can have sex between 3-5 times in a single day. And after those sessions, I am faaaar more than satisfied :] And I’m more than willing to do anything and everything for his satisfaction as well. I suppose it doesn’t sound like he has a low sex drive or that there’s even a problem… but it’s almost always me that initiates the foreplay.
He is a military cop and so I figured that the stress he’s constantly under maybe affected his libido, but he has told me that he’s just always had a low sex drive. He was also married once before to a girl
who would insult him on a daily basis but he swears to me that he had a low sex drive even before then. I know it’s also early in our relationship so the idea of still becoming comfortable with each other
has crossed my mind as well.
I don’t feel like I have to beg him or anything and in retrospect I honestly think we have sex quite often… I think what I’m trying to say is: Even though we have sex a lot, I feel that because I have to
initiate the majority of our sessions, he doesn’t initially want it like I do. There are times even where foreplay has been going on for a few minutes and he’s looking like he’s really enjoying things, when I
reach down to find that he’s completely soft. He also doesn’t get his all the time which bugs me because I feel like I didn’t do my job. Especially since he’s SUPER determined to always get me off. He says
that’s the most important thing to him… I just feel like our sex is one sided.
I also feel petty for letting this bother me… He’s amazing at everything he does and he goes out of his way to make me feel beautiful. And he may not initiate sex very often but he makes up for that with his experimenting ideas and such. I just don’t think he’s enjoying himself which is important to me. My ex used to initiate sex just as frequently as I did and he always got his while I could never get mine… so I could just be used to that and am psyching myself out to think there’s a problem in my new relationship.
Last Honest Guy… do I even have a problem or am I just looking too far into this situation? You’ve helped me before and I know you’ll be right on the money with me again.
Please help me,
“Not-So Sexually Frustrated”
Wow, this is an interesting situation you’re in right now. To be quite honest the first thing that pops in mind is that you might not be his ideal type of woman. What I mean by this is that sometimes men lean more towards a specific type of girl that really turns him on. You might not be this kind of girl for him.
One way to get a hint is to look at the kind of women (ex’s) he has been with in the past. Do you have more or less the same body type? He might be a chubby-chaser.
Even if you’re not his type of girl look wise it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. It just means that all your other attributes more than make up for it. Sometimes mature man realize that a perfect look won’t last forever but a good personality will.
Another thing to consider (actually the first thing that came to mind) is that he might be gay. I’m not joking. You pretty much described a gay guy; he’s really nice, athletic, muscular and cares about your feelings.
Many gay man, specially in the military can’t really openly express their sexuality and therefore they have to hide it by being with the hottest girls and even getting married so that no one suspects. This could also explain why he had a failed marriage and why he doesn’t get aroused even when he seems to be into foreplay. The reason he seems to be aroused but yet you find out he’s not is because he’s just pretending. Wouldn’t that make you question his true sexuality.
I really hope this is not the case for you but I would strongly consider you pay closer attention to his behavior and look for other hints that he might be gay. Now that I have brought it to your attention it may be easier to look back and see if there’s some truth to this. As I said before, I really hope this is not the case but good luck and keep me updated.
The Last Honest Guy is a guy who plain and simple tells the honest truth about how most guys are and what they really think. He has spent over 15 years analyzing and doing field research on human behavior and interaction and specializes in giving thousands of women true advice on their relationships. He does not sugar coat the true feelings of most guys and definitely does not hesitate to tell it how it is. Think of The Last Honest Guy as a true friend that will always tell you the truth from a guy’s perspective even if his answer might not always be what you are looking for. Beware when you ask a question, because the real truth sometimes hurts.
