I have to constantly initiate sex!

by The Last Honest Guy

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Hello Again Last Honest Guy :]

My boyfriend and I are both active duty military and we are both 21 years old, me being 6 months older than him. We’ve been together for almost 5 months now and I’ve noticed something about him that has sparked a bit of curiosity in me. He’s absolutely wonderful and everything I have ever dreamed of having in a man and quite frankly I constantly wonder how I managed to find somebody so amazing… however, he has quite a low sex drive. At least, in comparison to how often I want sex which is practically all the time.

I don’t think in the slightest that it has anything to do with looks. We are both very physically fit since we have to maintain a military standard. He’s muscular and lean and I’m sporting XS Victorias Secret
wear. He even tells me all the time that I have a model body and will grope on me playfully. I love to wear sexy lingerie for him and we experiment in spicy ways, most of the ideas originally being his. We
have sex anytime we see each other and on days we are both off duty, we can have sex between 3-5 times in a single day. And after those sessions, I am faaaar more than satisfied :] And I’m more than willing to do anything and everything for his satisfaction as well. I suppose it doesn’t sound like he has a low sex drive or that there’s even a problem… but it’s almost always me that initiates the foreplay.

He is a military cop and so I figured that the stress he’s constantly under maybe affected his libido, but he has told me that he’s just always had a low sex drive. He was also married once before to a girl
who would insult him on a daily basis but he swears to me that he had a low sex drive even before then. I know it’s also early in our relationship so the idea of still becoming comfortable with each other
has crossed my mind as well.

I don’t feel like I have to beg him or anything and in retrospect I honestly think we have sex quite often… I think what I’m trying to say is: Even though we have sex a lot, I feel that because I have to
initiate the majority of our sessions, he doesn’t initially want it like I do. There are times even where foreplay has been going on for a few minutes and he’s looking like he’s really enjoying things, when I
reach down to find that he’s completely soft. He also doesn’t get his all the time which bugs me because I feel like I didn’t do my job. Especially since he’s SUPER determined to always get me off. He says
that’s the most important thing to him… I just feel like our sex is one sided.

I also feel petty for letting this bother me… He’s amazing at everything he does and he goes out of his way to make me feel beautiful. And he may not initiate sex very often but he makes up for that with his experimenting ideas and such. I just don’t think he’s enjoying himself which is important to me. My ex used to initiate sex just as frequently as I did and he always got his while I could never get mine… so I could just be used to that and am psyching myself out to think there’s a problem in my new relationship.

Last Honest Guy… do I even have a problem or am I just looking too far into this situation? You’ve helped me before and I know you’ll be right on the money with me again.

Please help me,

“Not-So Sexually Frustrated”

http://www.thelasthonestguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ANSWER.jpg

Wow, this is an interesting situation you’re in right now. To be quite honest the first thing that pops in mind is that you might not be his ideal type of woman. What I mean by this is that sometimes men lean more towards a specific type of girl that really turns him on. You might not be this kind of girl for him.

One way to get a hint is to look at the kind of women (ex’s) he has been with in the past. Do you have more or less the same body type? He might be a chubby-chaser.

Even if you’re not his type of girl look wise it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. It just means that all your other attributes more than make up for it. Sometimes mature man realize that a perfect look won’t last forever but a good personality will.

Another thing to consider (actually the first thing that came to mind) is that he might be gay. I’m not joking. You pretty much described a gay guy; he’s really nice, athletic, muscular and cares about your feelings.

Many gay man, specially in the military can’t really openly express their sexuality and therefore they have to hide it by being with the hottest girls and even getting married so that no one suspects. This could also explain why he had a failed marriage and why he doesn’t get aroused even when he seems to be into foreplay. The reason he seems to be aroused but yet you find out he’s not is because he’s just pretending. Wouldn’t that make you question his true sexuality.

I really hope this is not the case for you but I would strongly consider you pay closer attention to his behavior and look for other hints that he might be gay. Now that I have brought it to your attention it may be easier to look back and see if there’s some truth to this. As I said before, I really hope this is not the case but good luck and keep me updated.

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  • http://twitter.com/TrappedKitten Rose Roylance

    i dunno if he could be gay if they have sex up to this much “we can have sex between 3-5 times in a single day” that is a lot. Maybe he likes that you take charge. Lolly, why not simply… ask him why? XD

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    The only reason I bring up the gay thing is because I’m really concerned about the fact that he pretends to be sexually aroused when he’s clearly not.

  • Sharly

    :] I figured your answer might include the gay thing lol I listened to your podcast last week about the guy who turned out to be gay. But I think that’s far from where my boyfriend’s issue is lol he’s about as straight as any other guy I’ve dated. It’s funny though because I’ve asked him about being gay but he says he likes titties too much lol also I don’t think he’s lying about being aroused I think he’s just focused on my arousal. I dunno. But he was gone all last week posted in the field and when he came back he was so dominating and animalistic it was great :D he actually initiated sex before I even had the chance to lol

  • Alpha

    Or he finds it really attractive when you come on to him. I know I like it more when my girlfriend comes on to me, but I take the lead most times because that’s what she likes. Sometimes I am really into taking the lead, but I find it super attractive when she does. It’s a lot less stressful for her to take the lead, especially when I’ve had a stressful day. He could be the same way, especially with his job. It could just be a preference. Let him know that it turns you on when he takes the lead. 

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Yes! Communication is always a good way to go…

  • http://twitter.com/soyouhaveagf soyouhaveagirlfriend

    I have to say, my initial reaction was “momma’s boy”. Totally the kind of guy who always his laundry done for him, catered to pretty much his whole life. He’s never really had to initiate much. Especially, if you’re always initiating, you’re not giving him a challenge.

    My whole approach is to appeal to basic human emotions. People like to be interested, intrigued, we LOVE to figure things out. My suggestion is to not be so transparent.

    Though, now that I see how old this post is….I’d be super interested to know how things are today.

  • Sharly

    Hey guys :) I just stopped by to see what was new and some so comments requesting to know the status of our sex life now lol “Soyouhaveagirlfriend” I loved your comment because my boyfriend has always worked his whole life for himself because both his parents were always working themselves. He’s absolutely self-sufficient and it’s quite refreshing lol We have been together for almost a year now and I managed to bring him out of his shell. I must say I was incredibly wrong about him. I think it just took him a bit to realize I wasn’t going to insult him like his ex.

    all in all, I think I’ve turned him into a freak lol

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