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To date a virgin…

To date a virgin… post image

Hi
I am a 23 year old girl/woman, who is looking for a decent guy. As it turns out, I am still a virgin; in part due to my upbringing in a fairly conservative society but more because I now find myself unable to simply give it away, so to speak. I am not psycho-religious, but I do think there is something to be said for waiting a few months, once you are past the puppy-love stage and know the person you date for who they are – I imagine it’s better for one’s heart [esp a girl] and for the relationship. Thus, whenever I meet a guy I feel obliged to explain that I will not have sex. [This is also in part because I am in a really tough grad program and I honestly don’t have time to spend on a guy when I feel like it won’t go anywhere. All around me, people a couple of dates into a relationship are more than ready to sleep with their new found love, and while I don’t judge them, I wonder if this is going to get in the way of me ever having a long-term relationship with anyone if they are just not willing to wait, because, clearly, there’s plenty of people OK with sex on the first or second date/meeting. I also wonder if my ‘being a virgin’ puts too much pressure on a guy/leads him to judge me in a way that isn’t completely accurate. Lastly, as I get older I don’t expect to find a fellow abstinent dude, but somewhere in the back of my mind is a fear of being with a guy who is much much more experienced than me, because the thought of being compared to other sexual partners galls me. Is that being ridiculous? Thanks!

http://www.thelasthonestguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ANSWER.jpg

OK, first things first; get laid as soon as as possible! You’re 23, what are you waiting for?

Second, most guys that just want to get laid will definitely get scare of dating you knowing you’re a virgin. Generally, virgins are also categorized as “clingers” and hard to get rid of and that’s what you are to them. FYI: most guys in your age bracket just want to get laid.

Third, I do think that down the road you will feel inexperienced when it comes to sex and may cause you to feel insecure about yourself. Not to mention that the older you get, the weirder it will be.

My advice, since this is not a religious thing, is to just get it over with and have sex with a nice guy. I always recommend women to date casually and of course have sex until they reach at least 25 years old. This allows you to finish school and also get to learn about your sexual needs. At the same time when it’s time to be serious about a relationship you will know exactly what you want and by this time you will also be dating guys that are a bit older and are also looking to settle down, not just players.

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  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5BZEPYHRUVKZMN6YTB5SU3H3G4 burduja gabriel

    hello my name is gabi (male) and i am 25 year old virgin . if you are interested contact me on burduja_gabriel@yahoo.com

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5BZEPYHRUVKZMN6YTB5SU3H3G4 burduja gabriel

    hello my name is gabi (male) and i am 25 year old virgin . if you are interested contact me on burduja_gabriel@yahoo.com

  • Rebecca

    this is an absolutely horrendous answer! She should “get laid as soon as possible” just because you think she should! I feel exactly the same about sex and have just started dating a guy with a lot more experience than me, but he does seem really decent. You are the only person who will bitterly regret doing this if you are not ready; anyone telling you to “get laid” already thinks on you for two minutes, you have to live with it. Yes it’ll be brilliant if you’re with someone great, but don’t feel you have to at all until then. It’s your life and your body and you should do exactly what you want, when you want.

  • http://greatishexpectations.wordpress.com/ Margo_snyder

    I feel bad for anyone who comes to this site for advice… I just like to read the horribly ignorant answers. She should sleep with him just to “get it over with?” She will be insecure down the road because she’s inexperienced? I mean this girl sounds like she has a brain so I hope she didn’t listen to this advice. 

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    People who come to my blog are obviously looking for true and real advice coming from a guy. I’ve always said that in order to get good advice on any subject you should always go to someone who knows what they’re talking about. If you’re a girl and need advice on how to put on a pad for the first time, would you go ask a guy? Of course not! If you’re trying to understand the way guys view relationships, you come to The Last Honest Guy. Period!

  • Kurt

    The problem with your logic here, is that you’re going much further than explaining what you think most guys are thinking but rather telling women what they should and shouldn’t do with their bodies according to your narrow perceptions of sexuality.  If your advise only entailed what you as a male would be thinking of this woman in her given situation then what you say would be correct.  However, you’re going one step further here and advising her on what to do sexually. 

  • Margo

    Yep, you’re absolutely right Kurt. Nice to have a guy’s perspective on this. The last honest guy doesn’t speak for every man. Telling her that she is going to feel insecure about herself because she doesn’t have sex as soon as possible is not telling her how men think, it is a (misplaced) attempt to tell her how she feels about herself. 

  • Margo

    Yep, you’re absolutely right Kurt. Nice to have a guy’s perspective on this. The last honest guy doesn’t speak for every man. Telling her that she is going to feel insecure about herself because she doesn’t have sex as soon as possible is not telling her how men think, it is a (misplaced) attempt to tell her how she feels about herself. 

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Look girls, some people can handle the honest truth and others can’t. If you girls really don’t want to know how most guys think and view relationships, that’s absolutely fine by me. You’re not forced to read this blog or even participate on here, rather move on to another site where someone will tell you the world is pink and the Easter bunny does exist.

  • GS

    I’m 24 and could have written this question myself just a couple of months ago.  I had been wondering the same things for a while myself when I started dating a very good friend who is 32.  He’s an amazing, sweet, wonderful guy and respected me enough to wait as long as I wanted.  But I was ready and trusted him so completely that it was easy to have my first time be with him.  I think this girl shouldn’t worry so much about it and let things fall into place.  Someone that is worthy of your time and that actually deserves a place in your life won’t make you feel insecure and will make you realize you didn’t have any reason to worry at all.

  • http://shamrockgiftreviews.com ShamrockGift Reviews

    What a precious gift of love and purity to share yourself only with the one you married. It creates the “one flesh” of marriage even more beautiful and sacred. But perhaps some of you reading this have erred and are not a virgin anymore. Let me tell you, its ok. God still loves you and wants you to have a blessed marriage.

  • Margo Snyder

    If you don’t want to hear people disagreeing with you, then think more about your answers an why you personally have such negative attitudes towards women (which by the way, are not shared by all guys as you claim to speak for). This is your site, if you don’t want the readers’ opinions simply disable comments.

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Actually, haters (like yourself) are welcome and I have no problem with comments. As a matter of fact I find it amusing. Look, in order to get real help you must first be willing to accept the help and be open to the truth. Closed minded individuals like yourself will continue to get hurt in relationships, the ones who listen to me will be happy.

  • enigma_ace12

    Thanks LADIES, and Kurt. I think there is some truth to what the lasthonestguy says, but his generalization of men cover just the douchiest of guys. All guys, I do believe want to have sex, but it’s a carnal need. Nice guys can and DO think beyond it – this might seem archaic but there are better and higher things in life life honor, respect, patience, SELF-CONTROL and so forth. Some guys DO manage to embody those. No, I am not about to run away and have sex with the next guy I date just to ‘get it over with’.
    ps – I asked this one. Still the same. Dated a bloke for over 6 months, some of it long distance, didn’t need that interfering with grad school. [I have to agree with lasthonestguy on LDRs, at least from this one experience]. Also didn’t feel the need to have sex, and this guy was a good one who didn’t put any pressure. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VROWGHBE7API2YUSSHCQUQL7NU Apple

    I just wandered across this question again–so 7 months later, are you still a virgin? I’m a chick, and I lost my virginity at close to 24. I’m still in touch with a few girls from my own conservative past, and I know 3 who are still virgins now, at 31. Let me tell you, it gets reeeeal weird at that point. These chicks who have waited that long have not done themselves any favors.

    If your virginity is related to religion (as in that’s where it started), in my opinion if you go much longer, you should just fully commit to hopping on the abstinence wagon and look for guys in church, or let it all go, and start being one of “those people” who actually sleeps with someone they date for 6 months. The longer you hold off on it, the more experienced everyone else gets, the less datable/more weird you appear, and the less interested in the reality of sex you become.

    LastHonestGuy perhaps put it a little harshly, but from a female perspective, it is a learned skill dealing with the emotional effects of having sex. It isn’t just some mechanical process. That’s why he referred to virgins as ‘clingers’. It’s simply that they tend not to have the emotional skills to deal with intimacy that most of the population started developing in their late teens to early twenties.

    Hopefully that was a kinder gentler version of “just go for it”. 🙂

  • Enigma_ace12

    Hey apple! Thanks for that, over the past few months I came to that conclusion as well. It does seem to get weirder. I did end up sleeping with someone I was casually seeing a couple of weeks ago, and while it was not the most ideal situation, I was oddly grateful to get through it. He was relatively patient with me. but he was experienced and we were safe. 
    I still value waiting for a few (3-4) months and I hope the next time around it is with someone I share mutual caring and respect with. For now, however, I think I am in a decent place!

  • Enigma_ace12

    Hey apple! Thanks for that, over the past few months I came to that conclusion as well. It does seem to get weirder. I did end up sleeping with someone I was casually seeing a couple of weeks ago, and while it was not the most ideal situation, I was oddly grateful to get through it. He was relatively patient with me. but he was experienced and we were safe. 
    I still value waiting for a few (3-4) months and I hope the next time around it is with someone I share mutual caring and respect with. For now, however, I think I am in a decent place!

  • Wayne

    23 Year old guy here- agree with the below answers.  I’m actually a virgin too, of all things (yes, we do exist!).  However I’m much more of a virgin for religious reasons. 

    Anyways, I’m going to have to reject the advice as well. 

  • jan…

    My name is Jan. I live in Turkey. I’m looking for men who want to fuck my virginity for the first time. I’m selling my virginity … 20 000 U.S. dollar starting price …. marcusantoniusgr@windowslive.com people who are interested in a serious throw me an email …

  • jan …

    My name is Jan. I live in Turkey. I am men and  I’m looking for men who want to fuck my virginity for the first time. I’m selling my virginity … 20 000 U.S. dollar starting price …. marcusantoniusgr@windowslive.com people who are interested in a serious throw me an email …

  • Shadow

    OK awesome your a virgin. Don’t ruin that. You don’t have to give it away you should be able to keep your virginity till you find someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. And hopefully he feels the same. Dont listen to the people telling you to give that up.

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Don’t take advice from someone named “shadow” lol

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