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This guys says he’s too “busy” for me

This guys says he’s too “busy” for me post image

I need help! I have met an amazing guy online. We talked for about 2 weeks then, since we live in the same town, we decided to do lunch. We had a great time. For weeks we would spend a good part of the day chatting online. We eventually went out a second time and had a great time. However, he is going through divorce. He has said they are not getting back together.. But the last time we went out he poured his heart out to me over his frustration over her behavior. After that date, he has been distant. We haven’t really chatted online any more. We are friends on facebook so he does respond to some of my emails. I asked if he wanted to hang out and his response has been “I have been busy and a lot on my mind”. On Fridays on facebook he posts that he needs friends to hang with for the nite. I totally understand that. He needs personal time… but some of those friends are girls. He never includes me in “friend” time. It makes me wonder if he still views me as possible more than another gal pal. While we don’t chat (still occasionally sends message on facebook) or hang out anymore, no matter what I post as my facebook status, he “likes” it (not every single one, but I would say about 60-75% of the time. it has also been brought to my attention by a buddy of mine that I have been too clingy toward everyone here lately… even this guy I like…. so I sent him a message explaining how I have realized my clinginess and I didn’t mean to be that way. I need advice on how to know what this guy is thinking, where I stand with him, how to get home comfy enough with me to hang out again because he is the sweetest guy I have ever met and he is a true gentleman. A dream come true…help!!!

Quite honestly I have to break it to you and tell you that this guy is not interested in you at all. Look when a guy is interested in a women he does not turn down her invitation to hang out. That’s the biggest sign of his lack of interest.

You say he’s a complete gentleman and a nice guy and usually this type of male tends to try to turn down women they’re not attracted to in a nice way, i.e. saying things like “I have been busy and a lot on my mind”. What he’s really trying to tell you is:

NO, I don’t want to hang out with you!

I truly believe you’re really reading too much between the lines and the fact that he “likes” the things you write on Facebook doesn’t mean anything. In fact, generally people hit the “like” button on FB when they’re too lazy to write a comment or when they don’t really want to start a conversation with that person. So, that’s actually another sign that he doesn’t want anything to do with you.

You also know that he’s really not that “busy” as he claims to be since he’s constantly looking people other than you to hang out with.

My advice to you is to leave him alone and not make yourself seem so desperate for his attention. Who knows, maybe when he stops getting your attention it will suddenly spark an interest in you again. Stay around him, but in a normal way. Don’t push yourself on to him. Sometimes a man needs a challenge to be interested and you’re not a challenge at all at this point.

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  • Slatini33

    I really need advice! I met this guy in October on a dating site, we realized we both grew up in the same area…we both moved out of state and now live about 30 min from each other, having that in common was what first attracted us to each other, we talked online about a week, then text and phone another week, talked about EVERYTHING, he asked some serious, intense questions..hes ready to settle down, get married, prefers to be in a relationship opposed to dating for fun. We met and it was like we’d known each other for months…we both said it when we finally met…it went great, we ended up sleeping together. He asked me if we became serious if Id be willing to move..into his house, I have a child and we discussed step parenting. We talked another week, saw each other again, I stayed with him, he made me breakfast in the morning…we talked another 3 or so days then he got a little distant…I didn’t see him the next weekend and I did ask him if everything was ok, he is a highschool teacher..he took extra classes this yr for extra money and he also is a head coach for a winter sports team at the school that started the same week he got distant…he told me this is the busiest time of year for him and needs me to understand, he said its not a lack of interest but a lack of energy. Well, I have not seen him since the end of Oct. I asked again a few weeks ago if everything was ok since his texts were next to nothing unless I text first, then he’d answer..he said again he’s exhausted, busy, he apologized for the timing several times. About a week ago I asked again only because I was afraid he was trying to spare my feelings! He said he barely has time for himself let alone anything else, again apologizes for bad timing, tells me he’s not dating anyone else(he took down his online profile after we met) I asked if he wanted to pursue something with me if so I could be patient and he said he wants to but with the way things are going, it won’t be until end of Jan when his schedule goes back to I told him I would wait, I wasn’t going to pressure him and wed talk or Whatever when he could until then, he said that was fair and again apologized and said he wished it was different. Still he doesn’t initiate contact, we talked a week ago and I text him that I missed him about 4 days ago and got no reply…I’ve sent nothing else since. I want to believe he’s genuine and honest and that if I’m patient until Jan something good will happen, I feel different about him, can’t explain it. But am I totally crazy for going along with this? Is he just trying to ease out of it? Or is his life that hectic right now that he feels like he can’t give anything in a relationship? Sorry so long! I wanted to be as detailed as possible, I really need to make a decision.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Let me just say that I don’t believe in putting all your eggs in one basket. In other words, don’t wait around for this guy but rather seek other people and perhaps broaden your options while you’re waiting. At the end if he decides he has time for you now, then you can re-evaluate if this is the guy for you or one of you’re other options are a better way to go. If you don’t do this and at the end he dumps you, you’ll feel like a fool…

  • Spotrainbow

    Help, please! couple of weeks ago i met a guy at college. The problem is he is younger than i am, i think i may be a year or two older, but that’s no so bad, what the problem really is, is that after getting to know him better i notice i’m sooo much more experienced in every way! I can read him like a book!
    I do kinna like him, but i don’t think a serious relationship would work, maybe something a litle bit more informal i guess. How do I explain this to him in a nice way?? and what do you recommend i do?

  • ash217

    So,I´m a girl, and I´ve been very close friends with this guy for over a year. I want to move things foward, and I got the feel he wants to as well, but I guess I was wrong.
    And well right now, we in different continents (I m in Europe, he is in Africa)
    Anyways, I asked him out, and he says, this isn´t the right time (I´m 19 he is 22), since we both are studying as well as handling our respective family business. He says, he´s confused, because he has someone else on mind too, i know who that is, he has been honest enough to tell me that, and i also know that girl would neevr accept him. So, basically this guy says , he is confused about 3 things:
    1) there is someone else, whose company he enjoys too.
    2) does he want to date a ldr?
    3) what is, he meets someone else in his current city?
    and eventually he says, give me time, I will reply to you…
    I told him, I cant wait or keep my life on hold for you.
    To which he agrees, and asks me to move on and do what I consider best for me, since he has no answer at this point.
    If in future, he wants to date me, he will ask me and i will decide from a neutral point of view. (considering he told me about thhe other girl, he has in mind)

    I´ve already been through a heartbreak before. But with this guy, I really feel, he is good and won´t hurt me.
    I don´t want to let go of our friendship, because we just great, and comfortable with each other, even despite this scenario, but at same time, would he think I have no self respect?, since I´ve asked him out, he has not rejected directly, since he asking for time, but isn´t that a sort of rejection for me?.
    Am I suppose to move on, and even forget about our friendship?

    Or, should I just give him time, and just be friends with him?
    I really don´t want to let go of friendship, but at same time, I don´t want him to take “advantage of me”, that I´m waiting for him…

    Please reply, girls n guys both welcome to give teir thought 🙂

  • The Last Honest Guy

    It’s clear to me this guy wants absolutely nothing to do with you. He’s simply trying to be nice and doesn’t want to just you. Move on and don’t wait for him. No friendships either.

  • ash217

    But, if he is simple trying to be just nice, why would he share all his problems with me? or message me all day long?

  • ash217

    “and doesn’t want to just you.” from the answer you posted, what does this mean?

  • ash217

    ohh, n we both of same culture, n he has never dated before, so he isn´t like a player or anything. He is actually a very decent, caring, guy…

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Autocorrect error. He doesn’t want to hurt you.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    As I’ve said before, THIS GUY DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU! You’re trying to come up with reasons to convince yourself he does, but if that was the case, he would be with you now. Move on.

  • ash217

    thnaks for ur reply 🙂