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My man won’t have sex with me because I’m too Skinny

My man won’t have sex with me because I’m too Skinny post image

I’m 25, my boyfriend is 32; we’re both Puerto Rican. We’ve been together about 4 years. Overall we have a great relationship. He works very hard in his business to be able to provide for his son and to make sure that we have a nice lifestyle in the future. Over the last several weeks, he has had little to no sex drive. To add to that, I’ve lost weight and he doesn’t find me sexually attractive because I’m too skinny. I understand that stress from working can make him not as into sex and I’ve tried to be patient. We spoke about it today and it turned into an argument. Finally I said “I shouldn’t have to twist your arm into being intimate with me, “look at me” and he said, “you know I’m not into super skinny chicks so what is there for me to look at that’s supposed to get me aroused?” My feelings are very hurt by this whole situation because I would think that genuine feelings and love would supersede physical appearance. It’s also messing with my psyche as a woman to know that the man I love that claims to love me so much isn’t sexually attracted to me and has no desire to be intimate with me. We’ve been intimate lately about  every week and a half. It used to be several times per week. I feel like I have no control here. Please advise.

Thanks!

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Sounds like you have a good overall man next to you, he works hard, he’s responsible and you have described your relationship as “a great one”. Quite honestly this guy sounds like a winner.

Now, to address the real issue here, which is your man not being into your current physical appearance is something tough. In all honesty for men just being in love with a women does not do the trick. Men need to be physically attracted in order to want to be sexually involved to you. This is something that women find hard to believe because for women sometimes just being emotionally attached to a man is enough to make them want to be with them. The truth is men need to like the way you look other wise it’s not going to happen or is just going to be a difficult thing.

You should also be grateful that he’s able to tell you exactly why he’s not attracted to you anymore. Most guys can’t identify the problem or simply don’t know how to say it. It’s quite clear what you need to do.

He’s not into skinny chicks

I suggest that you first realize that maybe you are too skinny. Nobody likes a girl who looks unhealthy. This is how you find out if you’re too skinny; find out your body mass index (BMI). That will give you a clue whether you’re in fact too skinny. If you are, then gain some weight god damnit!

In the event that you fall under the normal weight of somebody your height then you have a more serious problem. The bottom line is that you can’t change somebody’s taste in women. It’s like trying to make somebody like strawberry ice cream when they prefer vanilla ice cream. Sure they’ll be able to eat strawberry ice cream every once in a while but they’ll never really crave it. That’s exactly the situation you’re in right now. He’s able to have sex with you every once in a while but not as much as you want him to.

The easy thing to do is to just gain some weight so that you’re the same size you were when he met you. But I don’t think that’s the right thing to do, specially I you were on the unhealthy side.

My advice to you is to explore your bedroom and try to find out what other things in bed he might be into. Try to add some chocolate fudge to the strawberry ice cream. Maybe this is the time for both of you to discover a new side to sex. Try new things, different positions and find a way to turn him on. If you can find this out, you might have a shot at saving you’re sex life, other wise you can either live an unfulfilled sex life next to him or just realize that some relationships do end because of this. I think you have your work cut out at this point and it’s time to get to it. Please keep me updated and let me know if I can help you in some other way. Good luck.

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  • Gosexist

    Wow, that’s a load of crap. If the situationwere reversed, no way would it be okay for a woman to look at ending a relationship based on sex or looks. Good grief. Last Honest Sexist.

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Actually I disagree with that, there’s lots of women who cheat on their loving husband simply because they just don’t cut it in the bedroom. The way I see it is instead of cheating on someone why not realize the importance of sex and find someone who fulfill you completely.

  • Noelani

    Generally I agree with your advice, but this time a little confused However, I still respect it. I don’t understand men completly and maybe some of the men I’ve known are more feminine but honestly, her husband sounds like a bit of a a**. Here’s my two cents.

    Truth is, if you’re truly and honestly in love with someone you have a skewed idea of who they are. Meaning that you tend to not see a problem with how they look or act. Sure, you might notice a few things but if anything, you find it cute or quirky. I know men who have fallen for women who were less than attractive, but once they saw their personality and they were *emotionally* attracted to them, the physical part usually followed as well. In the cases that I’ve seen where the men were no longer sexually attracted to the women generally means they are also no longer emotionally attracted either.

    Another example would be men who have had wives who found out they had some form of aggressive cancer. Sadly, I’ve seen this a lot while growing up. Most men stuck by their wives and proceeded to have healthy sexual lives WITH (and only with) their wives. Mind you, the wives no longer had hair or their weight was fluctuating rapidly (women ranged from stick then to overweight). They stayed with their wives and found no fault in them because they were truly in love.

    Also, being a women on the slimmer side, gaining weight will not be easy for her and I feel there is no reason to gain weight and put her health at risk in order to please a man who is requiring her to be something she is or should not be. She’s better off find a man who has no qualms about her size, assuming she is eating healthily, and having a good relationship with him instead..

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    I agree with what you’ve said about gaining weight, but one important detail to remember here is that this woman states her boyfriend has expressed that he’s not into extremely skinny girls. This means that when he met her she wasn’t necessarily fat but at a normal size. Now she’s TOO skinny.

    My advice to her is to FIRST refer to the BMI scale and get a sense of reality and check if in fact she’s too skinny. There’s a possibility she might be in fact too skinny and that in itself could be unhealthy.

    That’s step 1 and if she is too skinny then she has to gain weight!

    On the other hand if her boyfriends is a chubby chaser, then by no means should she gain weight, that would also be unhealthy.

    That brings me to my final advice which is to explore new ways to still turn him on and have an active sex life at her current weight. If that doesn’t work then of course it’s time to move on…

    By the way, I don’t agree with being emotionally attached to someone first and expecting to eventually be physically attracted to them afterward. I think is more of just willing to give up on the looks for the personality, but certainly not the way a man would prefer it.

  • Tinaxoxo407

    Thanks for the response. I’m 5′ 6″ and when we met I weighed about 135-140, now I weigh 123. Both are healthy weights but obviously my current weight is on the lower end of normal BMI. I went from a size 7 to a 5. My weigh loss is due to going back to school full time. Im walking around campus all the time and spend alot of time studying etc. I have no shame in eating! Even he acknowledges that he’s surprised to see how much I eat given my size. He’s asked me to try adding a mass gaining supplement to my diet so I’m willing to try that and see how it goes. We discovered a few things that have helped to spice things back up so maybe I’ve regained his interest. Thanks again for your help and I’ll let you know how things go!

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Your current weight is actually perfect in my opinion and adding any kind of supplement might not be a good idea. Generally those kind of supplements are meant to be used in conjunction to real exercise otherwise instead of turning that weight into muscle it could very well turn into just fat. I don’t think that’s the answer.

    I am glad to hear that you have found new ways to make sex interesting again and I really encourage you to explore that direction more as opposed to going with the dietary supplement route.

    Also, please make sure that you’re happy with your physical appearance FIRST and then look into pleasing someone else. Don’t just gain weight for him if it’s going to make you unhappy.

  • http://www.nolimitbootcamp.com/orange_county_boot_camp orange county camp

    Why women gain weight after marriage?
    Because some of them think that they have found the man of there dreams and think the man would love them no matter, so they realy dont need to worry about there weight no more, so they get fat slowly but only some women think like that.

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