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Should I date a divorced guy with kids?

Should I date a divorced guy with kids? post image

I recently started talking to a 30 year old Hispanic guy that is going through a divorce and has two young daughters . He seems very nice and hasn’t said anything bad about his ex other than it sounds like she cheated on him since he mentioned trust issues. She is giving him full custody and the house. I’m keeping an open mind, but I don’t want to be stupid either. I’m worried about several things 1. That the divorce isn’t final, so I’m dating a married man. 2. What if they reconcile. 3. The impact of everything on his children. 4. Being the rebound chick. Some background information about me: I’m single, never married, and no children. I was in a LTR (5 years) with a man in the past that had a child, but was never married. That basically ended b/c he didn’t want to get married or have more children and I realized I do.

Answer from The Last Honest Guy

I would advice you to stay away from a relationship with a divorced man with kids. The main reason is because you don’t have children of your own. You have to keep in mind that having kids for the first time will be an incredible first experience for you as opposed to him just being a repetitive one. I really believe that those kind of experiences should be shared and enjoyed just as much by both people in the relationship.

You might also run the risk that he might not want anymore kids period and that might definitely be a deal breaker.

In the case he’s willing to have more kids, you will have to deal with your own kids and the kids of another women being together. As a stepmother your job will be to love those kids equally and not show any preferences between your real kids and your stepchildren. Are you sure you’ll be able to do that? It wouldn’t be fair for some innocent children to have to go through something like that.

In additions, you will have to deal with an ex-wife who will never go away, like it or not. She’s always going to be part of his life and there’s no two ways about it. Are you willing to deal with that?

Those are just some good points to keep in mind. I’m sure there’s a lot more other things to think about. For now, my advice is to not even get yourself in that situation and avoid it by all means. You’re still on time right now to turn around and not get involved, so please do the smart thing.

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  • Nosaint702

    I can speak from experience as I am in a relationship with a man (32) with a 3 year old son. When we met his divorce was not final. I had the same concerns and had to do ALOT of soul searching before deciding to get serious about the relationship.

    1. That the divorce isn’t final, so I’m dating a married man.
    Find out how long they have been in the divorce process and how much longer is expected (whats left for it to be complete?).
    2. What if they reconcile.
    Find out EXACTLY why they wanted to part ways; from his end AND from hers if you can. If he’s serious about it being over he should be able to tell you what makes him so sure that he won’t want to backtrack.
    3. The impact of everything on his children.
    Depending on the ages of his kids they may or may not accept/warm up to you.
    If you stay in the relationship you MUST treat them exactly like you would your own.
    Does he raise his kids in a similar way to how you would want to raise your own? If not, imagine 2 kids with 1 set of rules then add your own children with more/less strict rules….this could create problems.

    It can be great if you have open conversations and understanding about what each of you wants and expects from the other in the future. Just make sure you’ve thought it out very well.

    Good luck!

  • http://www.thelasthonestguy.com The Last Honest Guy

    Vary well said. I’m glad to hear the perspective of someone who has first hand experience on the subject and I thank you for sharing them with everyone.

    I would also like to add that in this situation time can be your bestfriend. The more you get to know him, the better idea you will have of his true personality.

  • rrr

    just wanna say good bye to to my 42 year-boy friend.( his got a 9 year-old daughter and 7 year-old son)!

  • Jsanchezprimo

    I am the other part of the story. i am 30yr old male divorced with one little girl 6yrs. i was immature in the moment and frankly things change over the years. My ex has custody of her. So i just see her once every 2 weeks. I was for about 15 months in a relationship. i always struggle because of jealousy and more. In the end she broke up with me. She explained that with love or not love or all the things we went trough (which were a lot) she was not going to settle down for me. As is having a past as was married and my daughter. Seeing things in perspective, it is all about the balance. Absolutely you must do the best you can to find happiness. However i believe, being cheated on, mistreated, lack of communication or much more has to always be accounted for. After several yrs, if girls or guys are still singles or well in a marriage were they are unhappy. What was more important a past that yes it is an experience and i have my daughter as a proof but you know that maybe 8yrs more at the most until probably 14 .. she will be in the non custodial parent, teenagers!…but when i find that person to share my life with i know that i will enjoy as much or even more to marry and have kids with her. That will be done with love and not as immaturity and lack of love.

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