Today I present you a guest post from a good friend of mine, Chrystal Rose from http://www.xtalrose.com. Together we tackle this question and present you the point of view of both a female and a male.
Well that’s an easy question: A surprise? No. This is men we‘re talking about here.
Sex is a barometer for a relationship. If you aren’t having any then you have problems bigger than sex. Creating sexual warfare by using it as a weapon is a surefire way to drive a wedge and resentment between you and your partner. Or if you fuck him 5 ways til Sunday only to change your tune when you get what you want– like engaged or married. As a woman you need to understand that what you’re not willing to do—some other woman will be.
I’ve actually experienced the reverse, my ex-boyfriend refused to put out and I was lucky if I got laid once a month. Once a month! I tried talking to him about it, crying about it, begging for it, traipsing around in lingerie, ignoring it—nothing worked. Because I was an overly sexual person he used sex as a way to control me. It made me crazy and not to mention my confidence level dropped considerably.
Even though they may not show it, I’m sure men would feel much the same way. Maybe if you aren’t putting out they feel like they aren’t good enough at pleasing you or that there’s something wrong with them. Men aren’t as good at expressing their feelings and bringing up issues they’re having in the relationship. Instead they become even more withdrawn. They start to seek a confidence boost elsewhere usually with a co-worker or someone they see on a regular basis that they feel comfortable opening up to, which could absolutely lead to cheating.
Am I saying if you don’t put out cheating is justified? No, of course not. But don’t be surprised if it happens.
So, we’ve all heard of the typical story of a woman crying her balls out over finding out her boyfriends has been cheating on her, right? But have you noticed that more often than not when you dig a little deeper, you come to find out that the main reason for the infidelity is the lack of sexual activity in the relationship. For some mysterious reason, women sometimes feel it’s ok to get her man accustom to a certain sexual regularity just to some day decide they want to stop just because they don’t feel like having sex anymore or feel once a month is sufficient.
Let’s get one thing clear, I’m on board with people being able to decide when and how often they’re willing to have sex with someone else. At the same time it has to be understandable, that if a woman suddenly decides to stop having sex with a man just because she doesn’t “like it” anymore that he’s not necessarily going to magically feel the same way as her.
So, to be surprised and cry about finding your man cheating on you when you refuse to put out has to be a joke. In fact, I’m going to go a step further and say that it should be expected, although not necessarily right, that if you take sex away from a guy that he’s going to go look for it somewhere else.
It’s very simple, sex to a guy is like food. When a guy is really hungry he’s not going to wait till next month to eat, he’s going to go out and find food that instant.
Look, when a guy decides to be with a woman and have a relationship with her, that decision is based not only on the fact that there’s chemistry between the two but also because he’s under the impression that he will get laid on a regular basis. This assumption is due to the fact that during the first periods of a relationship a woman usually has as much sex as her man wants in order to tie him down or get what she wants from him; usually a big rock on her finger.
You got to remember that if you suddenly decide to take that VERY important part (sex) of the relationship away, you basically become a totally different person to him. The woman he knows and loves is one that aside from being cool, she’s also always willing to give it up in the bedroom when he needs it. By taking that away, you end up creating this confusion in a man where he doesn’t know what to do with a relationship in which he has invested so much time only to find out he was deceived by this woman who only pretended to like sex as much a he did until she got what she wanted.
I agree that the obvious answer to a situation like this one is to leave the relationship instead of cheating but in reality it’s not that easy. If you’ve been with a person for a long period of time and the only thing wrong is the lack of sex, it becomes a really tough decision to make. The emotional side of a man wants to stay with this great girl who fulfills his heart but the physical side wants to leave and find someone who will satisfy his body.
The bottom line is that sex plays a very important part of a relationship, specially to a man. So important, that I really don’t think women are actually able to see it the way a man does simply because by nature the sex drive of a woman is generally lower than a man’s. Heck, some men ONLY want to get married because they foolishly think that by getting married they’re going to have access to a vagina 24/7. What I’m trying to say is that sex is so important to a man that he’s willing to go to such extremes in order to get as much of it as needed. Hard to believe and understand, huh? But so true.
The solution to this big mess is to be yourself from day one. Don’t just have as much sex with a man as he wants just because you think that’s the way to keep him interested in you. In the long run it ends up backfiring on you and it creates unnecessary drama and time wasted by both people. Rather be completely consistent when it comes to sex in the relationship you’re in. Don’t just go from doing it every day to just doing it once a month.
The other alternative and the one I recommend is to just make a great effort to be there for your man, even if sometimes you’re not in the mood. I guarantee it makes a big difference to a man and most importantly it makes him happy. You will reduce the risk of having him go somewhere else to look for it and the relationship will run a lot smoother. Put it this way, a women wants a man who will be there to support her emotionally and take care of her, on the same token a man just wants a women who will put out. It sounds simple, because it is.
The reason this is a hard concept for women to understand is because for men sex is probably in the top 3 reasons he wants to be in a relationship, as for women sex tends to come way later on that list. Am I right? Ladies, where do you put sex on your list of priorities in a relationship, be honest?