I feel like since birth I’ve been raised with all of these preconceived notions about men, love and relationships in general. I really wish there was some way to either prove or debunk a lot of these, because I feel like it’s these preconceived ideas that really get in the way of a lot of us and our search/path/journey/whatever to finding that one compatible person, where it’s not only their desirable characteristics and things in common that make them so right for us, but also how their flaws fit together with our own.
What I don’t understand is, while I try not to place too much stock in those preconceived notions of the opposite sex, I find myself getting really frustrated when playing the dating game. It feels like it’s practically impossible these days to grab a guy’s attention without being overly flirtatious and getting all up on him physically. I am somewhat shy and reserved, but I do like engaging new people in conversation. I don’t want to hang all over a guy I just met 5 minutes ago, because A) it makes me uncomfortable being touched a lot by people I don’t know, so I tend to assume others feel the same way and B) I’m not confident enough to assume someone I barely know even wants to be touched by me anyway. Are men really as simple as all my guy friends claim to be: “We’re only concerned with three things: food, sex and sleep. It’s YOU women that worry about everything else!”
My question ultimately is this: what is it that truly attracts men? I’ve always been told to be myself and be confident, but sometimes I feel like it’s not enough. Do men in general like it when women hang all over them, or flirt heavily with them? Do guys ever notice that shy one hanging back a little? Or if you ARE shy, do men just tend to perceive you as being frigid? To me, being shy doesn’t necessarily equate to lacking confidence. Some people are just more reserved than others. I just get frustrated when I feel like in order to get someone’s attention these days, I have to throw myself at them or risk being overlooked.
I completely understand everything you’ve just mentioned and I know it can be a bit frustrating at times to find a man who you think is the right one.
I can tell you right now that depending on WHERE you meet a guy can often determine his intentions. For instance, if you meet a guy at a bar or club, most likely he just wants to have some quick and easy short term fun. In other words, he just wants to get laid.
So, I do recommend that you pick and choose the places where you decide to meet potential candidates.
What is it that truly attracts men?
To answer your question, I’m going to have to point out how the brain of a guy and pretty much anyone in the dating scene works in 3 simple steps:
Step 1: Physical Attraction
Step 2: Get to know each other.
Step 3: Decide to start a relationship
You see, step one has nothing to do with personality at all and it’s purely based on the way you look or act. What this means is that you don’t necessarily have to be all over a guy to attract him. In fact I recommend you don’t, because that would definitely send the wrong message. It will basically tell a guy that you want to get freaky and have a good time. You don’t want to do that unless you truly just want… to get freaky and have a good time, haha. Then it’s ok to do that.
I have a feeling that’s not what you want, so I will tell you the easy solution to achieve attraction but not send the wrong message.
Since the whole idea behind step 1 is based on your physical appearance, this means that you have to look attractive in order to catch a guy’s attention. Now, don’t get confused between looking attractive and looking slutty. Looking slutty by definition means; a woman who looks like a whore. You definitely don’t want that.
Instead look sexy in a tasteful way and you can achieve this in many ways. Sometimes just wearing the right kind of clothes does the trick. Other times simply the right kind of shoes you wear or the way you do your hair can be enough. You more then anyone should know which physical attributes are your best ones and try to enhance them by making them noticeable. If you don’t know, ask your friends.
The point is to catch a guy’s eye. After you successfully do this then it’s just a matter of time before the guy takes the initiative to pursuit you. If he doesn’t then that means he is not interested in you and if you have to be all over him in order to get his attention this only means that he thinks you’re easy. Any guy is happy to get an easy girl just to pass time and like the old saying goes; easy comes, easy goes.
Another way to catch a guy’s attention is by doing some old fashion FLIRTING. Yes, flirting still works and it can be done in simple and subtle ways. For example, making eye contact can often indicate to a guy that you want him to talk to you. Also, eye contact and a smile can have the same effect. Maybe just acting interested in what a guy has to say can point out that he has a chance with you.
Do guys ever notice that shy one hanging back a little?
Yes, but only if you look good. Men can care less if you’re shy or outgoing. If you look good, trust me, a man will notice you. Now, think about this; If a good looking girl is wearing loose baggy clothing or sweats (not that you wear this), do you think anyone will be able to notice she is good looking? Of course, this is an extreme example, but I’m sure you get the idea. You must catch a guy’s eye in order to get noticed. So being shy has nothing to do with a guy noticing you as long as you look hot.
Finally, my advice is to try a combination of looking sexy and flirting and you will start attracting more men.
If you still can’t figure it out maybe you can get advice from some of your girlfriends who don’t have this problem and see how they do it.
If anyone else reading this post has any special ways of attracting “good” men or can suggest other helpful tips, feel free to share them in the comments section below. I would love to hear them.