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How can you tell if a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t just after you for some action?

How can you tell if a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t just after you for some action? post image

Dear Last Honest Guy,

There’s this amazing guy I met. He told me he likes me. I have to admit I like him too. However, we both know that if ever we get into a relationship it will only be till he graduates in June as he is an international student like me and has to go home. He has options and all that but suffice it to say, let’s just assume that even if we do get in a relationship it will only be till he graduates.

Anyway, when we started going out he was always careful not to scare me away. Because I am wary about getting “physical”. Like one time he would tell me offhand that he needs to be 10 feet away from me. There was one time when he attempted to hold my hand but I thwarted his advances by doing some other silly thing. Anyway, the more we went out though, the more I find myself wanting him to touch me. I gave him a hug. And it has been a ‘customary’ parting token for us. There have been instances that he tried to kiss me but I turned my head. I didn’t mind him kissing my cheek but I minded him kissing me on the lips. I am a perpetual over thinker and I see a kiss as something more than just a kiss. We’ve discussed about it too as we are upfront about matters. He said I am more important than any kiss and he won’t force it on me. It will only work if I want him to kiss me too. Anyway, as days dragged on though, I find myself thinking more and

more of wanting to kiss him. Two days before we both parted for the school break, we kissed. And the night before he left for vacation we kissed again. It was magical. The kiss was amazing. As I come from a culture where dating rules are ‘well defined’. I found myself caught in some limbo. I began to ask, does this mean he is my boyfriend now? So I decided to do what a perpetual over thinker does… I emailed him and we talked about how I felt. I told him I understood his stance on a casual relationship. I understood he is leaving. But I also told him I can’t be untrue to myself. I told him I want to be involved — to be able to tell him I miss him without feeling silly and tell him exactly how I feel without feeling insecure. I told him when I kissed him it was because I really liked him. And I told him I am fooling myself if I say we are just friends having fun as I don’t kiss my friends like that. He would tell me that ” that is exactly how I feel too. I’m not good at being mushy….with words….I kiss you because I like you and am into you….it is not casual….I didn’t say you are casual to me…what I said…is I am not thinking long term….indeed because I’m leaving in June…because if I think like that… there would not be any you and me if that attitude is casual then ok…”

We also talked about other things.. like how he said the important thing is me.. He doesn’t want to impose anything on me.. I also began to understand his actions better. Like how he goes about things with a one track mind and all that. And he says he will make an effort to be more mindful of me because he says he hesitates when he hasn’t called in days because he has no excuse (especially when he gets tied up with work. He has never broken a promise though. He calls when he says he will but there are just quiet days when I don’t hear from him but I also understand we are both busy people). He also said he wants to be more organized and hardworking next sem and be with me too. We pretty much agreed to keep seeing each other next term. I expect we will still both be busy but he told me to call him when he gets ‘sloppy’ (like he doesn’t call me) and that I should visit him at his building when he is caught up with his work. He says we will deal with our friends (Our friends don’t know we are going out yet). He said “I’m yours”.

Anyway, so I left for home too and we would chat when we can but as it is the winter break after all we both have activities on both our sides. And the time zone difference is quite stark. We still talk about our day to day.. but there are things that surprise me and make me wonder if he is just after some action. Like recently, I was telling him about this little black dress I was going to wear for an event. It was a passing comment for me but we started talking about it quite extensively — even to the point of him sending me links to little black dresses. And he asks me if he gets me one will I wear it for him. Three of the 5 dresses were something I would wear but the other two were far too revealing. He talks a lot about liking my body. I have serious issues about it because I have been called fat for a long time and being called sexy is something novel to me. To be objective about it, I am not obese.. I am busty for my height. I would be considered a “pocket Venus”. Anyway, he knows my NO SEX policy. But I was surprised by his daydreams.. He shared with me some of his thoughts.. and I was startled.. He didn’t get to the nitty gritty but he wants to touch me. Yet he also says he hopes I don’t take it as him attempting to steal my virtue. He told me he wants me to face him and sit on his lap (basically to straddle him) next time we kiss. I told him, we’ll see about that. He tells me “No is what you meant” and then we just shifted topics. I think I know him enough to know that he will not to force himself upon me. But now I’m wondering whether he likes me for me.. as he said he was attracted to my personality first and we’ve gone out for some time with NO TOUCHING at all… or is he really just after some action…

Last Honest Guy, I am really inexperienced to such things. But I don’t want to classify him as a jerk because he desires me. Your opinion surely would help me as I think through this.

Answer from The Last Honest Guy

Plain and simple, this guy does like you. If he didn’t he wouldn’t be putting up with you and would just go and find another girl that does put out.

How can you tell if a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t just after you for some action?

Generally, here’s how you know if a guy truly likes you:

  • He’s attentive with you and cares about what you have to say.
  • He remembers little things that you’ve told him about you or your life.
  • Is willing to put off other things (plans, activities, etc.) in order to be with you. Work and responsibilities don’t count.
  • Doesn’t mind introducing you to his friends and family.
  • Likes to hang out with you on the weekends.
  • He wouldn’t mind spending all his free time with you.
  • He is respectful and doesn’t push you to do things you don’t want to.

Keep in mind that a player would also do all of those things but the only difference is that he would give up sooner and it wouldn’t last. Sounds like this guy does like you.

It’s also very normal for a guy who is not only emotionally attracted to you but also physically attracted, to want to kiss you and touch you. Just because he wants to do all that it doesn’t necessarily mean he only wants some action.

My advice to you is to stop playing games with him. You know what I’m talking about, “I want you to kiss me but I turn away when you try”. If you want to be touch or kissed by this guy, just do it. Specially if you know you’re running out of time and he will leave soon.

Stop thinking that you have a sacred vagina and instead enjoy it. It’s ok to have sex if you truly desire it too. Don’t hold out just because you think is not the right thing to do. If in your heart you know you really want to be with this guy, just do it. You decide when the right time is and forget about cultural norms or believes. It’s your life and you set the rules. Just do it.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Sheilasemte76

    There is this guy in my school who I think likes me and now I am sure after reading this article because he shows pretty much all these signs. He smiles at me whenever our eyes meet and one of my friends told me that he asked him about me. The only problem is that he is not a very social guy. I always find him sitting alone and I don’t think he has many friends. I really don’t know if I should wait for him to approach me or just intiate it myself. I don’t want to seem too desperate but I am crazy for him and cannot wait any longer. I tried leaving a comment on , but I didn’t receive an answer, I really hope somebody will help me here. 
    Any ideas?

  • The Last Honest Guy

    By all means approach him as soon as possible. There’s a reason why he’s a loner. So just go for it 🙂

  • liverpoolgirl

    ive known this guy 4 almost 2 years and we get along really well and can chat easily. but wen i first met him his best friend told me he just wanted action so when he tried to kiss me i said i think we should just be friends. even though i stayed at his house twice last year i never let him sleep with me and we only kissed four times sporadically throughout the year. he went away to nz for 6 months and we didnt talk once but now he is back we were really drunk on the weekend and kissed for ages on the dancefloor then i went back to his house and before i got into bed with him i told him i liked him but i wasnt going to sleep with him because he sleeps with a different girl every week and i dont want to be someone he can just add to his list. during me talking all he said was ‘but you wont date me’ and then when i had finished he just said come here and we kissed and i stayed over but we didnt have sex. i dont know what to think. did he just want action. i just want to know if he doesnt like me so i can move on and not spend anymore time thinking of him.

  • stephenie

    I don’t think you should have sex  before you get married. That’s like giving a kid the cookies in the cookie jar before he’s had his nutritious dinner. After having the cookies he doesn’t want dinner. If you want a satisfying, long-lasting relationship, get married first. 

  • The Last Honest Guy

    You forgot to tell us your age darling. I’m guessing 80 years old…

  • Hhsta

    Ok so I’ve known this guy throughout highschool talking to him just a little. So it’s my last year if highschool and i’m taking Summerschool, and to my surprise he’s there but in another class. I would hang with him and two other friends everyday and bus with them all after school. When we wait for a bus I always chat with him and he always laughs and makes me laugh as well. He listens when I talk, pays attention, and is always happy. One time we both decided to wait for an empty bus and we sat beside eachother talking the entire time until my stop. I noticed that he was also fiddling with his bus transfer like me. We talk about random things, mostly funny things. I just wonder if he might like me, because i actually just recently began to like him after getting to know him more.

  • Time

     Just bcoz u r running this site, u don’t get to judge people….she just said her opinion….whats wrong with it? does it give u the right to ridicule her!!  b mature pal!! 
     Regarding the gal in question, why should she just do it with this guy? If she is holding up based on her value system, let her be…after all, will u b there for her if she ends up with inner guilt/consequences? Kind of vague suggesting to sleep (first time) with a guy with a 100% certainty that he would b there only for a couple of months!!!!!!!!!!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Look “pal” on this site I get to say whatever I want and give the advice I want because I’M THE BOSS here. If you don’t like it you can get your own site and leave this one. We don’t have any room for closed minded individuals such as yourself and the granny above. Let me guess, you’re probably the type of person who also opposes gay marriage, aren’t you…? Do you have any relation to Chick-fill-A?

  • The Last Honest Guy

    I think this guy meets most of my above criteria and there’s a good chance that he really might like you.

  • Time

     yes BOSS….You sure have shown who is narrow minded here…. rather than a meaningful discussion, all that u want to do is judging/boss around the guests on ur site!! nice approach.
    i know u r gay but i don’t give a damn about it!! So,don’t take it personal n get a real job. Its like a kid telling this is my own slate…..

    Few thing b4 adios…..
    “Don’t hold out just because you think is not the right thing to do” — obviously yes..if she doesn’t feel its not the right thing to do, whats wrong with it??
    Give these advices to ur wife!!!!!!

    “If in your heart you know you really want to be with this guy, just do
    it. You decide when the right time is and forget about cultural norms or
    believes. It’s your life and you set the rules”
    — Shouldn’t this hold good even if she is married/committed?? Bcoz, in your theory, if u want to do it with some one…just do it!!!!  And marriage is something emotional blah blah…??
    And just sleep around with as many people as u can …and then marry a guy n settle down??  Do You think it will b just be switched OFF …just like that???  Once u r used to get a hang of multiple partners, why would somebody want to settle down….unless u bring the age factor to settle down…..!!
    Anyway, adios!! I actually thought i was on a site who was offering help

  • The Last Honest Guy

    This site only offers help to those who are realistic and open minded. It offers help to people who realize that life is not a fairy tale and it’s not perfect. For people like you who like everything to be sugar coated is not the right place. I’m glad you’re moving on because that makes room for someone who can actually contribute something valuable to other people here. Try googling “religious relationship advice” LOL.

  • Time

     yeah..i actually goggled for sites run by ‘filthy gay’…and the first link popped up is urs…
    You can’t even answer to the questions in the previous reply but just trying to turn it into a personal mockery…..who the rotten f**k are u to judge others?

    The basic reality is everybody is different…have different value
    systems n different though process…u got to realize/respect it…all i see here is , ur standard
    approach to every one…its like same medicine for every disease!!

    yes., life isn’t perfect…that ppl will realize , they don’t need bozos like u to remind them…but trying deliberately to make it imperfect is suicidal…. any better u can do others shut the F up. U r f*cking insulting the word ‘honest’ by having a Pandora box agenda out of which u never come out!! 

    yeah… let me guess…ur day job is posting questions and u moonlight answering them!! lol!!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Wow, it’s funny how you’re still on my site. I thought you were moving on? What a joke you are. I hope you realize that as soon as I get tired of you all it takes is a couple of clicks and you’ll be permanently gone! Remember, I’m the BOSS here!

  • Time

     oh…yeah!! u set an example for all the jokers in the world!!  Doesn’t have enough balls to answer a straight question and u call others joke!! hypocrisy at its ‘honest’ 😛

    BOSS, Pls dont block me….i beg u, how can i live without this frickin site!! plzzzzzzzzzz!!

    who gives a shit….
    go ahead n shove it up in ur a**..’The last horniest Buffoon’!!

  • Alexislicona1

    well the guy i like he is leaving in like one week and  he wants me to kiss him

  • Alexislicona1

    but i dont knw if i want to or not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Naomi

    Lmao…I agree with you Last Honest Guy. I don’t want to offend Stephenie because yes, she is entitled to her opinions but in this day and age, especially in Western culture, it is the norm to have sex before marriage. I know MANY couples who are happily engaged or married that had sex beforehand. Would you buy a car before test driving it? Uh, probably not. So,,,sorry Stephenie but Last Honest Guy has a very good point.

    And honestly, I had to stop reading this Time person’s comments after their initial one. Their inability to use proper grammar and spelling gave me a really bad headache trying to follow their garbled thoughts.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Thanks Naomi for your input and contribution to the topic.

  • Nicole

    You might run this site, and you might give good advice, but you don’t need to be a douchebag about it. You catch more flies with honey.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Don’t get it twisted Nicole. Being brutally honest is not the same as being a “douche bag” as you put it. If you can’t handle brutal honesty and you’re over sensitive than I’m going to tell you what I’ve told other people who can’t handle honesty, move on. I’m sure you can find another site where they sugar coats everything they say to make sure they don’t hurt your little feelings.

  • hypnotoad72

    What if he meets all criteria except these:

    “Is willing to put off other things (plans, activities, etc.) in order to be with you. Work and responsibilities don’t count.”

    “He wouldn’t mind spending all his free time with you.”

    Considering he is very social in general, back in school, volunteers to help a friend’s business, and sings karaoke at bars?

  • hypnotoad72

    Sure – then they can divorce a couple years, months, weeks, or hours later.

    Marriage is meaningLESS.

    Actions are meaningFUL.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Is he willing to bring you along to all those activities? If not, he doesn’t like you!

  • Anonymous

    lol… you’re a funny dude.

  • dyedye

    What do u do if u like this guy that’s 31 years old and u r 17 before he said thar he likes u bt he has his gf and the next week u had sex with him and it continues until nw he use to kiss me and nw wen we ave sex he doesn’t nw.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    First of all, that’s against the law!!! I don’t advocate breaking the law. Stop now and find someone your own age!

  • Hollololol

    I enjoy your comments… I agree… It’s funny that pseudofeminists are so easy to point out that “it” = sex… The word “it” might not necessarily be sex, although the freedom of copulation was mentioned… I think it is clear that the male in this situation has a psychological interest in this woman that he wishes to manifest as something physical.. The physical interaction between two humans does not always have to be an act of a man’s ego. The question is, woman, do you have enough trust in your own judgment to accept this man and to truly know his character? Do you doubt your ability to judge other people and have you been hurt before? What do you really have to lose by opening yourself to this man? Are your actions being based out of fear or love?


    I kissed a guy twice today and after the last kiss he said he hopes I don’t feel bad (I like him and I didn’t feel bad ) and that we should forget about it and he put his hand on my face and walked away. Does that mean he just wanted action?

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