Something is wrong if you only know the phone number of the guy you’ve been dating for 8 months

Something is wrong if you only know the phone number of the guy you’ve been dating for 8 months

I’ve been dating this guy for 8 months. Everything was going great. He’s 23. We starting hooking up after he broke up w/ his ex and I the same. We would go out every week or just share a movie at his place. Recently he started opening up about his feeling and said that “he were growing and learning each other and could see me with him in the future. Shortly after that he started calling me less often and then all communication just stopped. No answers to txts or calls. What did I do wrong? (more…)

How can you tell if a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t just after you for some action?

How can you tell if a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t just after you for some action?

How can you tell if a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t just after you for some action?

Q:

Dear Last Honest Guy,

There’s this amazing guy I met. He told me he likes me. I have to admit I like him too. However, we both know that if ever we get into a relationship it will only be till he graduates in June as he is an international student like me and has to go home. He has options and all that but suffices it to say, let’s just assume that even if we do get in a relationship it will only be till he graduates.

Anyway, when we started going out he was always careful not to scare me away. Because I am wary about getting “physical”. Like one time he would tell me offhand that he needs to be 10 feet away from me. There was one time when he attempted to hold my hand but I thwarted his advances by doing some other silly thing. Anyway, the more we went out though, the more I find myself wanting him to touch me. I gave him a hug. And it has been a ‘customary’ parting token for us. There have been instances that he tried to kiss me but I turned my head. I didn’t mind him kissing my cheek but I minded him kissing me on the lips. I am a perpetual over thinker and I see a kiss as something more than just a kiss. We’ve discussed about it too as we are upfront about matters. He said I am more important than any kiss and he won’t force it on me. It will only work if I want him to kiss me too. Anyway, as days dragged on though, I find myself thinking more and

more of wanting to kiss him. Two days before we both parted for the school break, we kissed. And the night before he left for vacation we kissed again. It was magical. The kiss was amazing. As I come from a culture where dating rules are ‘well defined’. I found myself caught in some limbo. I began to ask, does this mean he is my boyfriend now? So I decided to do what a perpetual over thinker does… I emailed him and we talked about how I felt. I told him I understood his stance on a casual relationship. I understood he is leaving. But I also told him I can’t be untrue to myself. I told him I want to be involved — to be able to tell him I miss him without feeling silly and tell him exactly how I feel without feeling insecure. I told him when I kissed him it was because I really liked him. And I told him I am fooling myself if I say we are just friends having fun as I don’t kiss my friends like that. He would tell me that ” that is exactly how I feel too. I’m not good at being mushy….with words….I kiss you because I like you and am into you….it is not casual….I didn’t say you are casual to me…what I said…is I am not thinking long term….indeed because I’m leaving in June…because if I think like that… there would not be any you and me if that attitude is casual then ok…”

We also talked about other things.. like how he said the important thing is me.. He doesn’t want to impose anything on me.. I also began to understand his actions better. Like how he goes about things with a one track mind and all that. And he says he will make an effort to be more mindful of me because he says he hesitates when he hasn’t called in days because he has no excuse (especially when he gets tied up with work. He has never broken a promise though. He calls when he says he will but there are just quiet days when I don’t hear from him but I also understand we are both busy people). He also said he wants to be more organized and hardworking next sem and be with me too. We pretty much agreed to keep seeing each other next term. I expect we will still both be busy but he told me to call him when he gets ‘sloppy’ (like he doesn’t call me) and that I should visit him at his building when he is caught up with his work. He says we will deal with our friends (Our friends don’t know we are going out yet). He said “I’m yours”.

Anyway, so I left for home too and we would chat when we can but as it is the winter break after all we both have activities on both our sides. And the time zone difference is quite stark. We still talk about our day to day.. but there are things that surprise me and make me wonder if he is just after some action. Like recently, I was telling him about this little black dress I was going to wear for an event. It was a passing comment for me but we started talking about it quite extensively — even to the point of him sending me links to little black dresses. And he asks me if he gets me one will I wear it for him. Three of the 5 dresses were something I would wear but the other two were far too revealing. He talks a lot about liking my body. I have serious issues about it because I have been called fat for a long time and being called sexy is something novel to me. To be objective about it, I am not obese.. I am busty for my height. I would be considered a “pocket Venus”. Anyway, he knows my NO SEX policy. But I was surprised by his daydreams.. He shared with me some of his thoughts.. and I was startled.. He didn’t get to the nitty gritty but he wants to touch me. Yet he also says he hopes I don’t take it as him attempting to steal my virtue. He told me he wants me to face him and sit on his lap (basically to straddle him) next time we kiss. I told him, we’ll see about that. He tells me “No is what you meant” and then we just shifted topics. I think I know him enough to know that he will not to force himself upon me. But now I’m wondering whether he likes me for me.. as he said he was attracted to my personality first and we’ve gone out for some time with NO TOUCHING at all… or is he really just after some action…

Last Honest Guy, I am really inexperienced to such things. But I don’t want to classify him as a jerk because he desires me. Your opinion surely would help me as I think through this.

A:

Plain and simple, this guy does like you. If he didn’t he wouldn’t be putting up with you and would just go and find another girl that does put out.

How can you tell if a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t just after you for some action?

Generally, here’s how you know if a guy truly likes you:

  • He’s attentive to you and cares about what you have to say.
  • He remembers little things that you’ve told him about you or your life.
  • Is willing to put off other things (plans, activities, etc.) in order to be with you. Work and responsibilities don’t count.
  • Doesn’t mind introducing you to his friends and family.
  • Likes to hang out with you on the weekends.
  • He wouldn’t mind spending all his free time with you.
  • He is respectful and doesn’t push you to do things you don’t want to.

Keep in mind that a player would also do all of those things but the only difference is that he would give up sooner and it wouldn’t last. Sounds like this guy does like you.

It’s also very normal for a guy who is not only emotionally attracted to you but also physically attracted, to want to kiss you and touch you. Just because he wants to do all that it doesn’t necessarily mean he only wants some action.

My advice to you is to stop playing games with him. You know what I’m talking about, “I want you to kiss me but I turn away when you try”. If you want to be touch or kissed by this guy, just do it. Especially if you know you’re running out of time and he will leave soon.

Stop thinking that you have a sacred vagina and instead enjoy it. It’s ok to have sex if you truly desire it too. Don’t hold out just because you think is not the right thing to do. If in your heart you know you really want to be with this guy, just do it. You decide when the right time is and forget about cultural norms or beliefs. It’s your life and you set the rules. Just do it.

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How do you attract a man’s attention? Getting matching hats.

How do you attract a man’s attention? Getting matching hats.

I feel like since birth I’ve been raised with all of these preconceived notions about men, love and relationships in general. I really wish there was some way to either prove or debunk a lot of these, because I feel like it’s these preconceived ideas that really get in the way of a lot of us and our search/path/journey/whatever to finding that one compatible person, where it’s not only their desirable characteristics and things in common that make them so right for us, but also how their flaws fit together with our own.

What I don’t understand is, while I try not to place too much stock in those preconceived notions of the opposite sex, I find myself getting really frustrated when playing the dating game. It feels like it’s practically impossible these days to grab a guy’s attention without being overly flirtatious and getting all up on him physically. I am somewhat shy and reserved, but I do like engaging new people in conversation. I don’t want to hang all over a guy I just met 5 minutes ago, because A) it makes me uncomfortable being touched a lot by people I don’t know, so I tend to assume others feel the same way and B) I’m not confident enough to assume someone I barely know even wants to be touched by me anyway. Are men really as simple as all my guy friends claim to be: “We’re only concerned with three things: food, sex and sleep. It’s YOU women that worry about everything else!”

My question ultimately is this: what is it that truly attracts men? I’ve always been told to be myself and be confident, but sometimes I feel like it’s not enough. Do men in general like it when women hang all over them, or flirt heavily with them? Do guys ever notice that shy one hanging back a little? Or if you ARE shy, do men just tend to perceive you as being frigid? To me, being shy doesn’t necessarily equate to lacking confidence. Some people are just more reserved than others. I just get frustrated when I feel like in order to get someone’s attention these days, I have to throw myself at them or risk being overlooked. (more…)

I want to know why he seems so interested in me?

I want to know why he seems so interested in me?

Dear last honest guy,

 

My husband and I have been married for three years and our each others firsts for many things and high school sweethearts. He joined the air force right out of high school in 2007 and we ended up stationed in Montana married at 18 & 19 years old. I joined also in January of 2010 but we are now going through a divorce because while I was away, he committed adultery with a 17 year old high school drop out and was actually discharged from the air force for it. He lied to me about the discharge reason but once I knew the truth, there was no turning back.

 

There’s more to it than that though… he has very bad anger issues since joining and landing in security forces which is what he wanted by the way. I’ve never seen him so angry until we moved to Montana and then he was just pessimistic about everything. He was a very spoiled husband. I took care of the finances and cooked… did all my wifely duties and had a career in the air force wanting to go for officer. He just kind of existed until I left for training and he had to fend for himself. He’s always had friends younger than him. And when I say younger I mean high school kids while he’s 22. I have my issues too… I got upset easily if he over drafted our accounts or ran up cards and such. But he always had this way of making me feel like a criminal for accidents. For instance, if I were to hurt myself I never received a “honey are you alright?” It was always “dammit. What did you do now.” I sometimes wonder if he really thought that when I woke up in the mornings I pondered about how I could piss him off that day.

 

Anyway…

 

It’s been a month and a half since our separation now and 3 months since his discharge. I’m still in Montana and he had his mother fly him home to Florida where he still has no job, no money and he is living with his parents. He was very resentful towards me when he left and for a while did not talk to me and would contact my supervision demanding that I send him money and my wedding rings back. He is also on several dating sites and has been portraying me as crazy and that he’s completely divorced and ready to find someone positive.

 

I’ve been pretty content with my new life so far and am awaiting a court date to make things final. But recently before our 3rd year anniversary on December 23rd, he began contacting me. He would act cute and lovey like how he did when we were together and if I told him to stop because it wasn’t normal, he would do it anyway. At one point I asked him if he still loved me or something but he told me he wasn’t sure and that he was battling his emotions. He did however still wish me happy anniversary and even asked to be my new years kiss over a phone call… A week later he was telling me he missed me and loved me and tried to get me to fly him back here which I refused to do. He has also expressed a great deal of desire towards my body and sex and whatnot. And honestly I think he’s just not getting laid in Florida and is trying to get with me when I visit family this July.

 

He tells me he wants to be friends but what he’s doing in regards to the old comforts of affection that we once shared with each other is not normal. And sorry… but I’m no security blanket to someone who wants to play single or guess the std. I’m now being told from mutual friends that he is telling people that even though we are getting divorced, he and I are staying boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m a little annoyed… and though I’ve expressed it time and time again he still acts delusional. I don’t understand why he is doing this. Because he still asks about how the divorce process is going.

 

I’m the type of person who takes marriage seriously. I was monogamous with this man for almost 5 years and he’s done more damage to our relationship than I care to share here… but to make it short, his adultery was not the first time therefore I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I have gone out on several non committed dates with a nice man here who is recently divorced and just wanting to talk. However, I’ve made it clear that once my divorce is final I am giving myself one full year free from dating and men so I can live for me for once. I don’t know what to do about my husband… I’ve told him that when

the divorce is final he will never have another chance with me and I will most certainly not humor the idea of friendship. I will drop off the face of the planet to him. But like always, he thinks he’s too irresistible for me to do this.

 

I’m just lost. The man I planned on sharing the rest of my life with has gone loopy on me. It went from rage to lovey in a month. And I have done my best to stay serious when he tries to act adorable but at the beginning I’m not going to lie I would also give in and act lovey to him. But I started putting two and two together and the what ifs started forming. I’m not on board with this second chance in the future he keeps babbling about. But I want to know- is he serious? Or am I really just the security blanket? I won’t be an enabler and I won’t be used for affection just because nobody finds him interesting. And those who do turn out to be just like all the other immature girls he’s so used to attracting. I want to know why he seems so interested in me… I think it’s a phase he will get over. But he assures me it isn’t. (more…)

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