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The 3 day dating rule

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Dear Last Honest Guy,

So I met this guy at a friend’s party on a Friday night. Never really noticed him as I was mingling with everybody. The following Tuesday he added me on facebook. When I accepted his friend request, he initiated a conversation on Facebook. Then he asked me out. Went out with him coz we had such an interesting conversation. We had a nice time. He asked me several times after that but I had other things to do. Then he left for Boston for a few days but he kept in touch with me. He asked me out again for when he gets back. We met at another friend’s party and we were supposed to go out that night but at the party he said he lost his phone. Anyway, I went back to my apartment since I really wasn’t sure if we were going out or what. He caught me again on facebook and said he waited for me but because there was no definite arrangement he knew he had to get online. He had to weather the cold to do so and I think wow, he must be into me to go through all that. (We can’t leave the party together.. as we both agreed it would not be in our best interest if our friends know that we are going out. There are a lot of things — race, religion, etc that complicates the whole set up. But this isn’t really what I want to ask about).

Anyway we went out again that night. And then the next night too. After that though we were both busy he would keep in touch with me. He joined us for lunch that week (I eat lunch with a whole bunch of other people regularly on Tuesdays). Anyway, we went out again on two dates after that and we really had an awesome time. But, the next two days he never contacted me. I would hear from him on the third day and he said he was busy. I was still my cheerful self and all after that. Thought maybe he realized he doesnt like me anymore. The next day he caught me on facebook and he just said he will meet me and he walked me home. I texted him telling him it was nice to see him and I hope he finishes all his tasks. Then he replied apologizing for being distant, cold..etc.. saying when he is bogged down by work he tends to ignore friends etc. i didn’t give him a hard time about it. I was still my usual cheerful self. The next day he joined us again for lunch.

Yesterday, he texted me “Hey” the way he usually does. I got his txt late in the evening as I was busy the whole day. I replied to him but I haven’t heard anything from him yet.

I’m just wondering, does he still like me? Or is he just being nice and don’t want to be rude to me? I admit I was miffed when he didn’t contact me for two days but I got over it and thought that my options are still open and I can go out with other people. (Which i actually did).

I actually liked him but him not contacting me for two days just made me feel like maybe he wasn’t into me. Am I just being too sensitive? Why do guys “poof” in the first place? Maybe the more important question is.. did he really “poof” on me? Or is my idea of time just different from his?

By the way, the two days he didn’t contact me.. it was the Friday after thanksgiving and the Saturday after that. I know he is busy and all that as it is finals next week and a lot of things are due this week.

Maybe this is dumb of me to even ask. But I just want a guy’s POV. When is it time to think that a guy poofed on you? I’m always pessimistic about relationships and always think that maybe he is just not that into me.

Answer from The Last Honest Guy

Hi and thank you for your question. I’ll be glad to help you.

I really think you are just being too sensitive about him not calling you right away. I will tell you that when guys date and are really interested in a girl they tend to be careful with the things they do, due to fear that they might screw things up.

I think he was simply following the 3 day rule. This dating rule implies that in order to not seem too overly interested (or desperate) in a person, one must NOT call right away after intially getting the other person’s number. Instead wait and call on the third day. By doing this, you avoid running the risk that the other person my lose interest in you.

By the sound of your question, I think it’s working like a charm and he has manage to keep you guessing and not think that you can easily have him any time you want. On top of that I do think he might be a bit busy during this time and for that reason he hasn’t been able to keep in touch with you as much.

Also, if you wait till the end of your day to respond to his text, don’t expect him to text you back right away. For the most part texts are a way to comunicate a message that it’s not necesarly urgent and at the same time it is answered at the other person’s convinience. Most of the time people text when they have the time and if you couldn’t reply right away because YOU were busy, chances are that he was probably busy at the time you replied as well.

I truly believe that the problem is on your end and not his. Just relax and take things slow.

You know when a guy is really Not into you or has lost interest when he starts to cancel plans by giving you lame reasons or he stops initiating first contact.

I trully believe that at this point he genuinely likes you and as long as he continues to be the one who intiates texts or conversations, you can be confident that he likes you.

I hope this helps. As always don’t forget to follow me on Twitter for future posts and updates. Also don’t forget to visit me on Facebook and click on the button.

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