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How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend?

How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend? post image

How long should a girl wait to have sex with her boyfriend? Or how long should a girl wait to have sex with someone they are seriously interested in? Does hooking up too soon ruin the relationship?

Okay, so this is a really common question that always gets tons of different answers and  crazy rules. What I’m going to do here is tell you how a guy thinks when it comes to having sex with a girl. Essentially this is what this site is all about, which is why is very beneficial for women to use it as a reliable source for having accurate information and access to the way guys really think.

Let me start by saying that a guy expects to get lucky the first night he meets you and definitely after officially becoming your boyfriend. However, I don’t recommend that you give it up right away if in fact you’re looking for a serious relationship. What tends to happen is that a guy just loses interest in you because it was so easy to get in your pants and it didn’t really present a challenge. Remember that guys like challenges and the harder it is to get something, the more valuable it becomes to him.

It’s really just like anything in life, if something is easily obtainable you tend to not care so much if you lose it, but when something takes work and effort to get, the appreciation for it is enormous.

That’s exactly what you want to achieve with a guy. You want him to appreciate you and make it clear that having sex is not something you do with just anyone but instead is something you only do with someone who has become special to you and therefore has gain your appreciation to the point where you’re willing to take the relationship to the next level.

In reality the way a relationship should go is in the following order:

1. Initial meet

2. Date for a while

3. Become exclusive

4. Become intimate

5. And eventually after a couple years if everything is still going good you make a life-long commitment to that special person.

Now, the amount of time for each one of those steps to last all depends on what feels right for BOTH of you. The important thing to keep in mind is that both of you have to feel the same way at the same time. This means that If you don’t feel ready to do something, you shouldn’t do it under any circumstances. This gives you full power to control step 4 (becoming intimate) and determining when the time is right. Just remember to always keep in mind that the harder you make it for a guy to get what he wants, the more he will appreciate it.

By the way, I’m not opposed to women not being free to sleep with whoever they feel like and as soon as they feel like. In fact this is something I encourage women to do simply because I think it’s important for women to learn about their sexual needs and have experience before making a life-long commitment to anyone. I really hate to see women commit to who they think is the love of their life just to later find out that person doesn’t completely fulfill them sexually.

The real answer

So I guess that’s not really the answer you were looking for because it actually forces you to give it some thought and think about your relationship and determine when the time is right.

I know, everyone always wants an easy answer that tells them exactly what they should do and follow. The truth is that when it comes to relationships there’s really no one-answer fits all. Every relationship is different and has unique factors that essentially determine how a relationship should be handled and these decisions should only be made by the two individuals in it.

With that said, if you really need a time frame, based on my experience I would say that a good amount of time before having sex with someone who you plan on having a serious relationship with is about 4-6 months. This amount of time will give you the chance to get to know the other person and make and accurate decision. At the same time it will allow you to se if that person is as serious about the relationship as you are.

One thing to keep in mind is that us guys have our needs too and I can tell you that if you expect a guy to go that long without sex, it’s not going to happen. If you decide to make him wait that long, chances are that a guy will either dump you or just get it somewhere else behind your back.

In a way, having this kind of result is a good thing. If he decides he wants to move on just because you didn’t give it up soon enough then you’ll know he wasn’t in it for the long run and he simply just wanted to get laid. And If you catch him messing around behind your back then that will also indicate his true intentions as well.

How to solve this

So I just told you to make him wait 4-6 months and I also told you that if you do he will dump you or cheat on you. You’re probably confused and don’t really know what to do now.

Well there’s a simple solution to this and that’s because having sexual intercourse is not the only way to satisfy a man. I recommend that while you wait for the right time to have sex with your boyfriend you gradually work your way until you get to that point. Some of the many ways to do this include having oral sex, performing hand jobs, etc.

If you keep him satisfied using these other methods while you determine the right time to go all the way you will keep him interested in you and you will get to really know him. You will also bring out many of his personality traits while you get to know him. You will be able to see if he’s the kind that will demand things from you and will pressure you do them or if he’s the kind that will understand you and patiently wait for you to be ready.

Well, I hope this answer some of your questions and gives you some guidance on your situation. As always, I wish you good luck.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jazz

    wow 4-6 months! that’s crazy lol Does that start the minute you meet or do you mean once you’re exclusive? I have a feeling I’d end up alone and single forever if I follow this haha. Plus, oral sex is the easiest way to contract STDs and some guys don’t want to be tested until they’re actually having intercourse.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Hi Jazz,

    The 4-6 months would start from the moment you two start to get to know each other. You know, dating, hanging out, etc. And don’t worry that times goes by fast. Play with yourself if you have to, LOL.

    Also, if you’re concerned about STD’s (which is good that you are) there are also other ways besides bj’s to start being intimate before reaching actual sex. How about dry humping or hand jobs?

    And btw if a guy doesn’t want to get tested for STD’s prior to having sex with you that’s usually a good sign he’s dirty and probably not the right guy to be with in the first place. Besides, anyone having multiple sexual partners should be getting tested at least every 6 months.

  • Jazz

    That’s exactly how I feel (about testing). Well, anyone over the age of 18 who has had sex and isn’t married to that person they had sex with should be tested.

    P.s. you’re hysterical!

  • palmtreeone

    I agree, 4 to 6 months, not even I can’t wait that long my god!!! I’d say a month the most especially if you two are seeing a lot of one another..When the time is right, you will know, as long as it’s not the first, second or third night, your okay!!!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    I’m amazed at the number of people who disagree and can’t wait that long. Trust me, if you don’t want to get burned by a guy who just wants to hit it and quit it, waiting the short 4-6 months will be well worth it.

  • meaghan

    how can i fin a boyfirend

  • Disappointed

    Wow, what’s up with horny people not being able to wait? Four months isn’t that long, really. Besides, if you want it to be a long-term relationship, you won’t just be with them for a year or so, right? Well, that’s not how you WANT things to go, right? So if you can’t wait for at least four months, then I’m worried.

  • Aly

    I think this makes sense – there’s a reason why guys don’t usually get in a relationship with easy girls.

    The only thing I’m iffy on is that sometimes I think oral sex can more intimate then actual intercourse. Guys expect blow jobs before sex but rarely perform oral on a girl before she gives it up

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Oral sex is not more intimate than actually intercourse in most people’s opinion. It’s actually consider the step before intercourse or “third base”.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Oral sex is not more intimate than actually intercourse in most people’s opinion. It’s actually consider the step before intercourse or “third base”.

  • Aly

    Ok. So I’m talking to this guy daily (we met online). We’re planning on meeting & grabbing a drink next week. I know he’s looking to eventually get into a relationship with a girl. 

    I guess my question is, after dating for awhile, how do you bring up being exclusive before intimacy, especially when a guy starts to try stuff? I always feel like it’s an awkward situation. Any tips? I want to come off like I respect myself, but not like a prude!

  • Humphrey Roydon

    But it’s not sure that every time it works. Every couple has different expectations from each other. But still it’s good.

  • pippa

    i think oral should come last …. this is basically your opinion & some parts i respect & agree but not where oral is concerned

  • Guest

    I agree with you. I may even take it further in that I have never given oral sex to a guy and I don’t plan to do it right now. I can’t understand why females are willing to put their mouths on a guy but he will not give her oral. I am adamant that if I do that nasty act to a boyfriend, he darn well better do it for me. 7-2-13

  • Kay

    I need advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a month. When we kiss sometimes we get carried away. What should I do? Should I continue the intense moments or what can I do? I care about him a lot and want to be with him for a very long time.

  • Alina

    giving blow jobs is worse than having normal sex

  • Alina

    no man will respect a woman for giving him blow jobs instead of having normal sex

  • The Last Honest Guy

    You’re wrong! Are you a man? How can you speak on behave of one?

  • pm4l son

    A girl should wait about 3.4 seconds before having sex with their boyfriend if they want to keep him

  • Gigi 33

    Ok, so I had to look this subject up because I’ve been single for 8 yrs and started now dating this guy. I see there’re a lot of different opinions on this but I think 4-6 months is good . You can be with someone for 20 yrs and think you know them but honestly you never finish to. On the subject of oral sex, I’ve noticed (I have A LOT of guy friends) that they always expect a girl to give them a BJ but they’re not as willing to do so. So, my opinion is, he doesn’t do it me either, sex goes both ways!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Thank you very much for sharing your opinion. I do agree that any relationship should have equal contributions from both parties.

  • Al

    I think u shouldn’t even think about that yet until you meet him. He might be a catfish or a looney. Don’t over think stuff. Wait until you guys meet.

  • nick

    thanx 4 ur advice,

    but i m in relationship with a girl from last 3 years and she still don`t want to do sex. And i never Cheated her, but now i m frustrated and irritated. I don`t wanna Lost her .
    tell me what can i do now??

  • cathy

    Yesss!!! Thank you soo much!! What I just read answers soo much questions I had! I’ve Been with my Bf for the past 6 months and
    Im still Feeling the time is right yet idk why! But reading this helped me a lot!!!!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Cathy, I’m very happy to hear this and glad I could provide some insight. Good luck and thanks for reading.

  • mka18

    I’ve been with my bf for 6 months now and I really wanted to get to know in inside out and he felt the same and hasn’t brought up the topic about sex until now and I think he deserves it now…hes waited long

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Couldn’t agree more!

  • rahela

    do you guys feel the smell? its the smell of BULLSHIT !u think having sex with him too early will make him think im easy but giving him head will not? i find performing oral sex even more intimate than sex ,and giving head to a guy just to keep im pleased is seriously BULLSHIT…this article is full of bullshit ,misoginy and selfishness

  • Anna

    What if you’ve know the guy for a year and a half? About three months ago we’ve been talking more about ourselves. I know about his problems and vice versa. We’ve gone out as friends basically talking about our past. Until recently, bout a week ago, we started going out. We were dating for about a three weeks. And we’ve been pretty exclusive to each other. Exactly when would it be fine for us to have sex? He keeps saying he cares about me and I too.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Talking about selfishness… You think that because you find oral to be more intimate than actual sex, that a guy should feel the same way? You’re completely wrong! Your selfish way of reasoning is the exact reason why you’ll stay single, be cheated on or end up in an unhappy relationship.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    And by the way, you don’t “feel the smell”. That shows how smart you really are…

  • The Last Honest Guy

    There’s no right or wrong time to have sex. It’s when you feel is right for YOU. You need to be 100% ready so you won’t feel used if things don’t work out and you only slept with him because you felt pressured.

  • M

    Although I don’t think it was really necessary to be said like that, I do think Rahela had somewhat of a point about a few things. Even though I agree with most of what the article has to say, I disagree that if a female were to have sex with a guy earlier on he’d see her as “easy” but not if she were to give him a blowjob. For one, I’ve been there, a couple times, also, practically all of my closest friends are guys so I’ve talked about this kind of stuff a few times. It’s not that I think it’s more intimate, I don’t, I like it a lot though, (for you girls that hate doing it or have never, a little tip, just think of it as a one big lollipop and play with their balls, they like that. Lol) but I don’t think it’s just all about pleasuring the guys, it has to be mutual. I don’t believe that girls should lose themselves in trying to make their guy happy, which is what I feel seems to be as kind of the message here, but relationships are, or should be so much more than that. I don’t know, maybe it’s a generational or age type of thing, as you get older, different things tend to matter more. I guess I’m still trying to figure it out though, even after having experience.

  • Dumb people everywhere

    And some dumb women are following the advice of a stupid gay guy… You can guess the guy’s a gay dude since he’s suggesting women do what gay guys do: oral sex, hand jobs, etc. I personally lost interest in girls who were playing games to make me wait wait and wait because they listened to the advice of some random gay dude. My current relationship has been going strong for 12 strong years and the woman of my life slept with me on our first date. I cannot imagine how I could have lost any respect for her because she would have been “too easy” and that I would supposedly have “preferred to chase her longer”. I would have probably lost interest in her and would have seen through her stupid game suggested by some stupid gay man in some random magazine. 100% of the women I didn’t sleep with on the first date led to NO relationship at all. Only guys who cannot control themselves (too animal/small brain) or who have unresolved issues cannot respect a woman they slept with on the first date. Do you really want to share your life (and have kids) with a dimwit who driven by an animal instinct? Keep this in mind ladies the next time you meet a guy you like, unless what you want is some grotesque animal.

  • Anna Bakhador

    I mean, the guy that I’m with has liked me for 2 years. He was one of my closest friends and now we’re dating. He’s a great guy, he wants to wait because he says he wants to marry me one day..He went down on me before I went down on him. I’ve never done it, so I’m a little worried that what if we do it and I’m no longer interested later? He’s patient and doesn’t mind but I’m trying to figure out the right time for me.

  • Anna Bakhador

    And we’ve been together for 5 months

  • The Last Honest Guy

    I’m not gay, which makes it clear that someone who thinks like you is a true dumbass! Move on buddy!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Just wait till you’re 100% ready. As long as you want it really bad and you get it, there will not be any regrets even if later it doesn’t work out for you.

  • Ber

    I need help on understanding if I made the right call.. Did I make the wrong move to a relationship that may be short term or will I actually have this guy want to stick around for something long term… I’ve known this guy for almost 2 years & when I first seen him I was crushing on him hard.. He ended up getting with a girl that cheated on him & they were together for almost a year.. He was single for like 3 months & I was the last to find out he was single.. Now he has shown interest in me since I’ve known him.. I find myself liking him a lot it’s crazy.. So we started to talk like everyday for 2 months & it made me so happy.. He wanted to date so did I & one night of going out with him drinking.. I took him home with me & we made out.. I then asked him if we could just skip the dating part & just be together.. He said yes he would like that.. He then asked me to be exclusive & of course I said yes!! Being with him for a week has been so wonderful that one night we drank together & went back to my place & we slept with each other for the first time (a week after being exclusive).. We have sex 2-3 times a week (it’s only been 3 weeks in) & the word love came out of my mouth one night.. He said it back while I was trying to explain that’s a word I never throw around.. I’m usually the girl that makes guys wait for months.. I’m just so into him I rushed everything & I just feel like I may have set myself up to see this relationship rush to an end.. I like him so much I would like for him to stick around long term..

  • Jean fvs valley wildcat

    That comment, not you, is so very evil. You ought to realize that!! Males, why don’t you all try it putting your mouth on a penis and letting someone thrust in your mouth!! Stop telling these girls to give blowjobs.That is one of the lowest things a female can do. Females who are reading here , don’t ever give a male oral sex, especially if he won’t give you oral sex. Females need to respect themselves better than this. This is so awful telling girls that they should do this!! Females need to respect yourselves. 3-29-16

    Where are these girls’ mothers? Moms, you really do need to talk to your daughters. You are the role model for you daughter. So please. talk to them from early on and tell them to keep their mouths and va ja jays closed to their boyfriends.

  • Jean fvs wildcat fan

    You see, this is the point I have been trying to make to girls and women. Stop worshipping men. Do nit worship or exalt any male!! . You all do not need to be putting your mouth on any male, unless you are married to him. Even then, hesitate and know you should not do this for him, if he won’t do this for you. 3-29-16

    I try to remind females to not follow those religious wives who are obsessed with writing article about wives. submission and respect. When will these disturbing conversations end?? These wifey women are so indoctrinated that they cannot see. They emulate other disturbing submission articles. They are constantly scolding women and tell women to be some doormats. This is so sad.

  • Anonymous

    I’m a biological male, who disagrees. I love receiving head and have no problem giving it to another MAN. I personally love giving blowjobs. However, I don’t think the same concept applies. I will stimulate a women, but I don’t think it’s right to expect us to put our mouths on your vagina. It’s sexist, but true. A vagina looks very daunting, some vaginas even look gross, yet the average 6in shaft is like a cucumber. It’s not. I can’t stand giving head to women, and only do it because I realize they have needs too.

  • Anonymous

    I think he’s a dumb ass even if you were. I’m a biological male but sexually identify as female & bisexual. He should not judge our community, it’s just wrong. Were humans too.

  • Fin

    Just wait for marriage. It isn’t that hard.

  • Elliot J. Stamler

    YOU are crazier and more prudish than the “wifey” women you criticize in your second paragraph.
    Any woman who follows you cock-eyed (no pun intended) male-hating nonsense about never having oral sex with their man until they’ve married him IS NEVER GOING TO BE MARRIED TO HIM….unless they are both religious-nut fruitcakes.
    Some of the comments are a hoot as they seem to come from people who’ve never been married. As one old enough to be everyone’s grandpa, here’s a BIG HINT to all you ladies:
    If you want your man to go down on you, be sure you SMELL GREAT DOWN THERE. Frankly good-smelling genital hygiene is very important for BOTH sexes but it is imperative for women if you want your man to be desirous of oral sex. Which excludes you, Jean, since you are a nutcase.

  • Elliot J. Stamler

    Another man-hating ignoramus spouting off perfectly awful advice to women.
    Take this person’s looney advice and you’ll be waiting for marriage forever .

  • Elliot J. Stamler

    I have commented below to another of this man-hating sex-hating lunatic’s comments. Ladies…if you follow her crackpot advice you will wind up like her: a sexless, man-hating, loveless prude.