I had a huge crush on this guy, Anthony, when I was in high school. We hung out for a while. He was two years younger than me. I never knew for sure if he liked me or not. I was always afraid to know. My best friend had a crush on him, so I never really wanted to pursue him based on that fact alone. He and I sort of went our separate ways after a while. I was involved in various sports and activities. He was not really into school and fell into the party type group. We never fought or had a bad ending, just stopped talking. When I would see him in the hallway we would smile. If I saw him with his girlfriend, he would back away from her and stay away until we were out of each others eye sight.
I have never forgotten him throughout the years though. I thought about him from time to time. I attempted to find him on Myspace without luck. When Facebook first started becoming popular, I attempted to locate him once again without luck. I ended up finding him via one of my friends a few months ago. I sent him a friend request and then a message. My message basically stated:
“You probably do not remember me. I had a huge crush on you in high school. How has your life been? What is new?”
He responded. Long story short, we chatted on the phone, and finally agreed to go for a few beers. His ex girlfriend had died the same week we planned to go out. He called me the Wednesday before we were supposed to meet up and gave me the news. I was there for him as best I could be. He told me the story of her. He had no feelings other than
friendship, they had broken up several years ago, but had remained friends. She had a lot of problems that he could not handle. He informed me that he still really wanted to see me that Saturday as he would need a friendly face because that would be the day of her burial.
I had been seeing a guy, Mark, for a month or two before Anthony and I had reconnected. Nothing major, Mark and I both agreed to move slow and become friends first. Mark and I had not even kissed at this point. So, during the day Saturday, I hung out with Mark, we watched a football game. I was not really expecting to see Anthony that evening with the burial and all I figured he would be emotionally drained. After the football game was over, Mark received a phone call from his best friend. Mark made dinner and beyond plans with his friend for the evening. I was sort of upset by this because he did not even ask what I had planned. I assumed Mark and I would have dinner together. So, I took this as my cue to leave. I started gathering my belongings and Mark asked me if I wanted to join him for dinner. I declined saying I had prior arrangements and to have a nice evening. Mark walked me out and kissed me. The kiss was nothing special. Just a simple peck on the lips. There was no passion or anything.
So, I left Marks feeling very confused. I went home and pretty much forgot about my plans with Anthony. I sat on the couch and watched football the rest of the evening until Anthony called. He asked if we were still on and I gave a half hearted yes. I agreed to pick him up from where he was staying, he lives about an hour away so he was staying at his mom’s house for the week due to the funeral. I was not really in the mood to go out with Anthony. I thought about canceling. I just was not in the mood. Normally, I would have made sure to put something cute on, fix my hair, makeup, and make sure I smelled good. I sat on the couch until the very last second before I had to leave. I brushed my hair and put it back into a ponytail. I still had my football jersey on from earlier and my makeup was nothing special. I mean, I didn’t look like a bum, but I didn’t look like I normally would going out. Especially considering I was going out with this guy I liked such a long time ago and really had longed to see him for so many years afterward.
So, I arrived at his house. He was waiting for me outside. I didn’t even get out of my car. He walked over to my door and said you need to get out, give me a hug, and let me look at you. So, I did. We hugged and it felt so nice to hug him after so long. He looked and smelled really good. He has changed a lot over the years…for the better! He told me that I looked amazing. I instantly was embarrassed because I had put zero effort into my appearance.
So, we got into my car and drove to the bar. I still was not into being out with Anthony. I was half listening to what he was saying. We arrived at the bar and Mark started texting me about his evening. Anthony and I found a spot outside to sit and catch up as the bar was loud. An hour or so went by, Anthony and I were talking, but my mind was on Mark so I was not really focused on Anthony. Anthony was sort of flirting with me a little and making it seem as though he and I were on a date. He kept saying he wanted to take me to this place and that place. After a while, Mark sent me another text telling me he and his friend ended up at a strip bar. For some reason, this news just annoyed me. I shut my phone off and decided that I was wasting my time with Mark (there is a lot more about Mark that I would have to explain that made me reach that point).
So, from that point forward, the night with Anthony escalated. We had a blast teasing one another back and forth. Talking about old times. As we were finishing our last call drinks and realizing that my crush on him never really faded, I told him once again about my huge crush on him back in the day and asked why he didn’t comment on that in my message. He said, honestly, you telling me that made me so happy, but I figured that the crush was long and buried. He informed me that he also had a crush on me back in the day. I said, no you didn’t! He looked at me seriously and said, yes I did. He went on to say that the only reason he never said anything to me back then was because he was a shy guy and he figured he was too dorky for me. He said he had tried to find me just like I tried to find him all these years. He said he would think of me from time to time as well. He said, in a way, he was glad that nothing ever happened between us back in the day he said because he probably would have messed up or something then we would not be sitting here together right now. I was like, no way!!! He just looked at me and said, WOW, I have to go outside and get some air. He walked out. I felt horrible. I finished my beer and ran after him.
He was standing outside and looked upset. I went to him, grabbed his hands and said I am so sorry Anthony. I told him that I never expected any of this to happen. I never expected to see him again much less have him tell me he felt the same way. He accepted my apologies and extended his arm to me. We walked to my car. He walked me to my door and stopped me. He said, I know that you still have to drive me back to my mom’s house, but I just want you to know right now that I had a great time tonight. He went on to say that so many people had tried to cheer him up and get his mind off of everything that had happened. He said he came out with me not expecting to show me a good time because everything was so fresh and new in his mind. He said, but from the moment I saw you tonight, my mind just cleared and you took my thoughts off of the week’s events. He said, I have never had anyone do that. I had such a great time with you tonight and I can not thank you enough for everything. He and I talked a little longer until we were just standing there looking at one another. His hands came up to my face and he leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him back. This went on for a few minutes. This kiss was the most incredible and passionate kiss I had ever experienced. I broke away from him for a minute. I looked into his eyes and said are you sure you are not just doing this because your emotions are all over the place with everything that has happened to you this week? He looked into my eyes and said no. I have wanted to do this since you got out of your car. The feeling only grew stronger during the evening. We kissed again for awhile outside of my car. It was cold, so we got into my car. We continued our kiss for awhile. We finally left the bar and stopped at a fast food drive thru. We kissed while he ordered. He told the drive thru order taker that he liked me a lot and hoped I felt the same. I said, you are so silly!!
I pulled up in front of his mom’s. We said goodbye. We kissed again. Said goodbye again, kissed again. This went on until 6am. We both did not want the night to end nor did we want to say goodbye. He did invite me in. He promised he was not inviting me in thinking he was going to get lucky. He simply did not want to stop kissing me nor did he want to say goodbye. I couldn’t though. I needed to get home. I knew that if I went inside I would not be able to stop at simply kissing him. I have not slept with many men, much less on the first “date”. So, I said I had to get home. He promised to call me the next day.
This is where things start to get confusing for me and where I need your advice. I ended up not hearing from him for 2 days. He called and apologized for not calling sooner. He said something I said that night really got to him and he had been beating himself up for it ever since. Of course, he was still grieving over his loss, which I assumed and why I was not upset that he did not call when he said he would. He thought about my question about why he kissed me. He said that he felt like he disrespected his ex by feeling the way he did on the day she was buried. He said it has nothing to do with me. He said he likes me a lot. I said I did not mean the question that way. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t kissing me for the wrong reasons. He said, no way, he kissed me because he wanted to.
We have seen one another here and there for the past month or so. He is pretty busy and lives an hour away. I work full time plus I am a full time student. We see one another about once a week. I usually spend the night with him. Every time I see him, things are amazing. There have been a few times when he says he will call and doesn’t. Or we agree to hang out on a certain day and we don’t end up doing so. I am bad with calling people though and he has done a lot of the calling.
Things became really confusing when a girl showed up on his Facebook page talking about how she had a nice time with him and couldn’t wait to see him again. She ended her post with “luv you”. I was devastated. I thought, oh maybe she is the reason I don’t hear from him as much or see him a whole lot. Long, long story short, this girl is his friend. They have been friends for about 10 years. She likes him he doesn’t like her. She is known in his family as “fatal attraction”.
He said she has been a good friend to him. He doesn’t have a lot of friends he can trust. She is one that he does trust. He said he does keep his distance from her though because if he contacts her too much she thinks he is her boyfriend. He said she has caused problems with his past girlfriends. She will tell them that they are dating and she loves him. She did have pictures of his dog tagged to his Facebook page. He went through, deleted those pictures and deleted all of her comments on his page.
When he and I are together, things are amazing. He makes me feel like no one else ever has. He is very sweet and giving. He makes sure that I am ok. He holds me, rubs my back, hair, and feet. He kisses me so tenderly.
I am just nervous about the times when he says he will call and he doesn’t. Or the few times we have made plans and then I don’t hear from him. I am trying to play cool. I know he has a lot going on and a lot on his mind. I am sure he is still grieving the loss of his friend as well. I just want a guys opinion about this.
Wow, that’s a nice story full of details which I like. I thank you for that. Providing lots of details really helps me and allows me to be able to read between the lines and essentially provide you with the best advice possible.
Let me start by saying that this guys seems to know what he’s doing when it comes to dating. He obviously knows how to blow your breath away every time you guys are together and that can sometimes be a bad thing, specially when other things tend to not make much sense. Let me explain, on your initial meet he always knew the right things to say on every situation, i.e. saying you look amazing and telling you he wanted to kiss you the minute he saw you but later when you guys are apart he doesn’t seem to portrait those same feelings. And that’s exactly why you’re confused.
Given that you didn’t mentioned you guys were boyfriend and girlfriend, I’m going to assume you guys are only dating. With that said, I’m going to tell you that when a guy is not officially exclusive with a person (sleeping together doesn’t mean you’re exclusive) chances are he will still see other women. I mean, why not? You guys are not official anyways. So, if it seems like he might be doing something else while you’re not with him, more likely than not, HE IS.
Another thing to understand is that when a guy is in that same situation and on top of that he lives 1 hour away, the chances of him seeing other people are multiplied by 100. In other words, I guarantee he’s seeing other chicks while he’s not with you. And as well he should, cause he’s not tie down yet. He will never admit to it because you will probably freak out if he does.
By the way that “friend” he has, the “fatal attraction” you mentioned, I smell bullshit and I think it’s more like a friend with benefits. If not, I bet things have happened between them in the past. If you don’t believe me, try asking him about it. He will probably lie but you might be able to tell, based on his response, if he’s lying.
Let’s make one thing clear, I don’t recommend having a long distance relationships specially if you’re a woman because you will always be wondering what your man is doing while you’re not there and your mind will go crazy. But if you insist, I would try to make him commit to a relationship and that way it will give you the right to know where he’s at, what he’s doing, etc. But unless you’re planning on moving closer to him or visa versus, I would just remain friends and date other people at the same time. Don’t make you’re life harder or add stress to it by having a long distance relationship that’s practically just a part-time relationship because that’s exactly the kind of commitment you’ll get, part-time. You deserve to give yourself a better chance at having a successful relationship, so put the odds in your favor not against you.
I hope this helps you and do keep me updated on anything new you find out. I wish the best of luck.