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How long is too long to go without sex?

How long is too long to go without sex? post image

Sex is the most important part (top 3 for sure) of marriage or a romantic relationship. Sex is what defines a relationship, without it all you really have is a good friendship. Are you with me?

So, how long is too long without sex? I guess there’s really no exact time frame. It really varies from couple to couple and that’s because our sexual needs are all different. This is why I believe sexual compatibility is important. Both parties have to be on the same page in order to be a good match and for things to work out.

Unfortunately a number of couples are not necessarily compatible but still insist on being together and trying to make things work. Although this is not the ideal situation to be in, I believe there’s always a solution to a problem.

Going back to our original question, how long is too long? The way you knows it’s been too long is when either one of the two people in the relationship has a need for sex. Let me point out that although rare, at times even women are the ones that suffer from not getting their needs met by their partner.

The solution to not suffering from this problem is to give it to your partner when ever they’re in need. It’s really that simple. Even if you’re really not in the mood, just make an effort and do it. You know you do plenty of things everyday even if you’re not in the mood. For example, you go to work everyday even when you’re not in the mood. You take a shower daily (I hope) and brush your teeth even when you’re not in the mood. So why not just satisfy your partner even if you’re not in the mood?

You manage to do all these other things when you’re not in the mood only because you see a benefit to you. You go to work because you need money to pay your bills. You shower because you want to feel clean and don’t want to stink when you’re in public. Just look at sex the same way, give it to the person you love when ever they need it because there’s a benefit to you. By keeping your partner happy you’ll have a better and happier relationship and that’s a big reason to do it. On top of that there’s also studies that show the more frequent you have sex, the more often you’ll crave it. Who knows maybe your appetite for sex will naturally increase over time.

So how long is too long for you?

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Zacdenver

    Six years for me as of November 9, 2010. Is that too long?

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Whoa! That’s definitely way too long. I suggest you lower your standards a bit or just start being a bit more aggressive when looking for a partner. I think that actually might be unhealthy for a person.

  • Ramanathan

    Please note, there is no Equality before law, within the house. Neither partner have the right to say “No”, also soft behaviours alone cannot compell the non cooperating spouse to cooperate. It is not Aparachit movie, where an Advocate Male could not seduce his neighbouring lady doctor with decent behaviours. Instead of romantic behaviours.
    Whether u r male or female, instead of straying out of marriage, better become aggressive – even to the extent of visiting Police Station. Be honest at each place. If the spouse is unwilling, please note, denial of sex is a cruelty to get divorce. When the things will reach this extent, the other party will get “turn on”. Main thing is, you should be honest and courageous to tell about your sexual urge.

  • Anonymous

    13 years – til a wonderful guy found me languishing……………

  • Humphrey Roydon

    It’s really difficult to go without sex even for a month if you are addicted to it or if there’s any other case like pregnancy.

  • Anonymous

    5 years soon. My problem is I have a huge sex drive, but I have morals. I want to get naughty, but not with someone I barely know. It hurts me mentally, but I have to keep reminding myself I have no disease, no kids, no emotional baggage. Sadly, it is at the cost of my sanity that I somehow have kept in tact all this time. I never have cheated or slept around, I am loyal, I’m just so pent up and that frightens women I’ve noticed. I guess that makes me a loser and a freak. I’ll live somehow

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Not to worry my friend. Most guys feel the same way you do (minus the morals).

  • anonymous

    It’s been 4 years for me and the problem is that i have a very high sex drive i just don’t want to go sleeping around as it just seems wrong to me. As for lowering my standards that would be really difficult as my last partner is extremely beautiful it’s a miracle that i got with her excuse my language but i think i’m fucking ugly

  • The Last Honest Guy

    4 years? Are you out of your mind? For someone who claims to have a high sex drive, I think you might be confused on what that means.

  • jrb

    42, married for 6 plus years, haven’t had sex in 3 years, 4 1/2 months.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    If it’s that important to you, then it’s time to find someone else who matches your sex drive. They’re out there. Good luck.

  • Mary

    Well, there’s a really simple reason to why women don’ t give it to men every time they want and that is: it is going to hurt our vagina a lot when we are not completely in the mood!!!! It feels like a burning sensation down there and not in a good way. When I was in my first relationship I was thinking the same thing as you suggest here – I will give it to him whenever he wants and I am also a person who has a difficult time saying no. Can you guess what happened? Right, this thing didn’t work!!! We both felt really bad afterwards – I felt pain and/or being used and he felt bad, like he was using me. And now if you want to suggest using lubricant – well it dries off quit quickly actually and what you cant fake is an interest or an orgasm.
    My guy begged me not to have sex with him when I am not in the mood and it was a big struggle for us for quite a long time- him to understand when I am not actually in the mood and me to say no. And bare in mind – I do like sex much and I am sexual person but in general guys have a bigger sex drive than women, it’s normal. When he is in the mood and I am not I satisfy him in other ways – with hands/mouth and this is working well for us. So I am still together with my first love. 🙂
    I also think that guys are lucky because sex is usually not painful for you unless you have some sort of medical problem with your penis or happen to use wrong sexual position when the penis bends really badly.
    What do I agree upon your article is that compatibility is important – an asexual and average sex drive person don’t match well together etc.
    So guys, you have to consider the ladies as well. When a woman doesn’ t want to sleep with you, ask yourself these questions: A) Is sex actually good for her? Is sexual intercourse painful for her? Am I able to give her orgasms? She might be too shy to tell you that. B) Do you still have the spark, does she find you attractive? C) Find the stressor that is killing her mood. Find out the best times in a month when she has “the urges” :D. Don’ t forget that our sex drive is not like yours – it depends on where we are at our monthly cycle and a lot about how you make us feel (emotions!)
    So good luck guys and sorry for the reaaally long reply! 🙂

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Thank you Mary for all your input. I agree with almost everything you said. I think the important part to focus on here is that you’re actually willing to sexually satisfy your man, not with intercourse but using other methods and that says a lot about a woman who’s truly interested in having a happy relationship. Most women use their vagina as a way of controlling their man and making them do or buy them what they want. Unfortunately this approach only results in a guy eventually looking for it elsewhere.

  • Mary

    Yeah, unfortunately there are a lot women out there who do use sex for manipulation. But I can assure you, we are not all like that! My guy’s previous relationship was kind of like you described. Interestingly, lack of sex (or very little) was not the main reason why he broke that relationship off. When he met me he was surprised about my (I think normal) genuine sex drive. I also think guys need to express themselves more to women, explain about your specific needs etc. It is easy for women to forget that and I think it would stop a lot of cheating happening.

  • This Is The Multiverse

    5 years for me. I’m just too lazy, and my hand is just as tight as any vagina I’ve ever had.

  • Bianca

    Y haven’t you had sex in so long while married?

  • Stacy Petaros Oswalt

    Unless there’s some underlying health issue, pregnancy in and of itself is not a reason to not have sex. In fact, most pregnant women want more sex bc of the hormonal changes. I’m 39 weeks pregnant, 39 years old, so i know from experience! And even if I didn’t feel like it, sex is a responsibility in marriage. So unless there’s a health resson not to, people need to make the effort.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Completely agree Stacy.

  • Amy

    Married 47 years and the last sex I had was 46 years ago. Husband thought it was gross disgusting and total waste of his time. Needless never had any kids and no place to go except my shrink and antidepressants.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Amy, that’s insane! You should’ve left him 46 years ago. You didn’t deserve that.

  • Kolutroma

    You know what the worst part about not know how to get laid is? People telling you that you should get laid, like it’s a choice. Do you go up to people in wheel chairs and tell them they should get up once in a while and go for a walk?

  • Kolutroma

    That happens so, so, sooo, much more than most people know or care. There is literally only one thing you need to worry about when it comes to long stretches without sex and it’s how do you feel about it. No you can’t get sick, nothing is going to happen to you, you are sharing a place with millions of people all over the world who might not be happy about it, but they are fine. It’s actually been six years since you posted this so you’re pretty much definitely not going to read it, but even if it’s 12 years, it happens, and a lot longer. Newton died a virgin, and he said it was his greatest accomplishment, so it really comes down to how you feel about it.

  • boo

    Ok my question is why epuld a man want to be with a woman and not have sex with the woman he is with? Is he cheating? Is drugs something to consider for him not wantig sex. Is he not attracted to her?

  • boo

    I have been dating this man for 3 and a half years. Had sex once and i had to be on the one in control. Because i have only been with one man and i was used to him and tnis guy was a lot taller stronger and rauffer looking.

  • boo

    So i was scared but i was so willing and wanting it. We were both nervous. Needkess to say i got mi e but stop and got scared and he didnt get his. We didnt have sex Again for 6 months

  • kyla m brenner

    almost a month or 2 without sex honestly i dont see myself having sex with my partner ever again

  • Gigi123

    One week and we’ve been together 9 months, and we just moved in together recently.

  • S American Con

    37 years and counting. 🙁

  • in support of anonymous

    last honest guy. you are clueless. you are unhealthy promoting this sex stuff as a necessity. by no means is it a necessity in as you describe it. sex in the wrong context (as you talk of it) is destroying relationships globally. watch what you are promoting bc its likely something that is frustrating you at the core of relationships as well… but you likely dont see this bc you are speaking from an area of the same blindness.
    this person with the high sex drive, and having discipline to value sex for 4 years, but not engage in it -makes the statement completely possible. dont go calling ppl ‘out of their minds’ for very valid statements that you cant even comprehend bc youve never looked at life from a different direction.
    this article is informative… and disgusting. you have never considered a different angle to all of this that a small percent (but still millions and millions adhere to). maybe you need to go search for this before you continue promoting something that could be destructive. your perspective is so sick. and guess what, if someone said this to me – it would freak me out and have me researching immediately. (on a side note: very beautifully written about ‘not just doing things for our own benefit’. great way to put it. awesome!)

  • gmbrmmbr

    I am a 25 year old guy and haven’t had sex for 2 years. What do you think is that normal?

  • Keith Adams

    It has been since 1996 that I haven’t had sex but thank God i have two hands. I have extreme social anxiety that paralyzes me. It fucking drives me crazy and none of my friends have any desire to help me overcome my anxiety. I can’t do this shit alone.

  • jem em

    this article is just promoting just to have sex and sex, this kinda of articles promote cheating. my Ex fiance read a article similar to this one. and what happen he cheated. it ruined the relationship and now he regret about everytime asking for second chances but i don’t believe in second chances once you bite that sinful apple you will never be the same.

  • FilthyMagastuKing

    Hasn’t had it. I’ll probably die a virgin. Like the last time I kissed a girl was in high school. Had a date recently, but she didn’t show up. Didn’t even make an excuse for not showing. So my track record is shit.

  • Jessica Eugene

    It’s been 5 years for me, and I completely understand. Can’t just hop around……. but, it’s getting extremely hard because, I don’t masturbate to compensate for the lack.

  • Jibba Bean

    Having sex with my wife is demeaning at times. She will never have sex with me completely sober. She always has to drink to be in the mood, and that makes me feel like it’s a chore for her…not to mention, what it does to my psyche (especially because I have been sober for over 20 years, AND I’m not the “largest” guy in the country), and I hate her personality when she drinks. The frequency of sex is like filing for quarterly taxes. 3 or 4 months at a time…NEVER sooner. She made me get a vasectomy after our 3 child…because she went through all that for me, I should do that for her (she did have some minor complications after her last delivery). Did I mention our kids are approximately 3 years apart? Yeah, that feels like the frequency of our not so intimate intimacy. My wife’s brother (wasn’t my brother in-law at the time) would f*ck all of her friends and tell her that she shouldn’t be a “slut” like all his sexual victims…he recited this to her at an early age, and because of it, I get the short end of the stick, because doing the dirty has been taken out of the equation by suggesting it was wrong (which we had seen marriage counselors and other medians with no luck…it would be good for a little while, then back to the same old living). Now time and gravity is doing a number on her appearance and physical being (had back surgery on an inflamed disk in the lower back). I know this too, is not her fault, but it just adds to the the “mood” factor, and there not being one. I try to look past the negatives, but sometimes cannot, unless the lights are out…and even then sometimes I smell her and it turns me off right away. I know a lot of it isn’t her fault, but I thought that after time and the kids growing up, things would change…the only change I witnessed, is that our kids grew up, and we got old and further separated…she does things that annoy me, like opening her mouth to say something. I think that may be resentment on my part, but I have been with her for 26+ years, and lately I feel like I had no right even being in this relationship, never mind marrying her. Oh, and for the record, she was pregnant within 3 months of us meeting…so we really didn’t get to know each other except through taking care of the kids, and even then, the first 2 years was nothing but fighting and crappy make up sex. But it was me that succumbed to her…a virtual lobotomy, if you will. I am just a mere shell of my former self. It’s not like we never talked about sex either, it would be sex 2 days in a row, then nothing for months. Recently, I met another woman, and that excitement really put things into perspective for me, but at the expense of destroying the hollow relationship I have shared with my wife. She had similar interests, she talked AND listened. It made me feel alive, excitement like I was going to Disney for the first time…I felt, childish, and I LOVED it!! But the reality of the date soon came crashing down, when she told me she doesn’t want to be that “other woman”, and as long as I live with my wife, there would be no future with her. Which completely makes sense. So now, here I am, caught between carrying on like I have for a better part of my life, or destroying what my wife believes to be a happy marriage, so that I can be happier. I have been completely loyal our entire time together, I recently met this other woman by chance, a week ago, and it showed me what I believed to be almost a woman version of me. The same wants, needs and desires…as well as liking to do the same things. My wife would buy me things (2 $20k motorcycles, and a $30k SUV, just to name the big things) to mask our semi non-existent sex life…kind of an appeasement until the next urge. But the thing is, I am not very materialistic, I would sell any one of those things in a heartbeat! I am so confused, and as hard as it may be, I think I am going to have to finally tell the truth.