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Why does my husband keep checking out other women?

Why does my husband keep checking out other women? post image

My husband and I just had our first child 3 months ago & ever since then I’ve been feeling less then attractive & all of a sudden his slight glances at other women have been bothering me so badly. I feel so inadequate and disgusting and I just feel like I look like a monster. But why can’t he stop looking at other women? He tells me I’m gorgeous and I’m the only one he wants and he’s in love with and we have sex all the time but why am I not good enough for him? Am I missing something he wants? Why can’t I be the only one he looks at? I just want to be good enough for him and I don’t feel like I am. I hate this feeling, I hate feeling like I hate myself and I’m not good enough to please him and he looks at other people, is it possible to stop this??

You seem to notice your husband looking at other women more now than you did before and you have also mentioned that you had a child three months ago, hummm… Why do I get the impression that this may be a result of you feeling unattractive and being too over conscious?

Women often feel this way after a pregnancy, your body has just gone through some major changes and of course you are feeling unpleasant with yourself and as a result you become more attentive to things you used to overlook before. In this case you seem to notice that your husband looks at other women more now than before but chances are that he has always looked at other women it’s just that you notice it a lot more now.

Ask yourself this, how many times does your husband look at other men when you guys are out? I’m willing to bet you don’t even notice that at all but the reality is that we always look at other people in general. Sometimes we look at other men because we might think is someone we know or simply because we might cross paths and we need to make eye contact to know which side to walk by, other times we simply notice a hat another guy might be wearing, etc, the point is that this same instances happens whether the other persons happens to be a woman or not, the difference is that when it is another woman you notice.

You also sound extremely selfish by saying “why can’t I be the only one he looks at?”

C’mon, are you really serious? He’s married to you and he’s still by your side and hasn’t left, that to me makes you the only one in his life. So, please stop acting like a victim and making unreasonable demands. By doing this you’re just creating unnecessary problem in the relationship and trust me, that’s the last thing you want to have.

Let me give you this quick analogy, when you go to a restaurant and order your favorite plate and the waiter later walks by with a different plate for the table next to you, do you ever take a glance at that plate just to see how good it looks? I think we all do, but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to eat our favorite plate or stop liking it. So please knock it off, as I said before, it’s wiser to try to minimize all unnecessary drama.

The simple solution to all this is obvious, if you’re feeling uncomfortable with your physical appearance then start by changing you eating habits (besides the healthier you eat the better for the baby) and start exercising. Please don’t make lame excuses that you have a three month old baby that takes up all your time because I see lots of women that take their babies to in a stroller to the park and jog at the same time. If your appearance really bothers you this much you will find the will power to do it.

Also, note that your husband’s behavior may never chance (its normal), but if you feel better about yourself you will feel confident and notice it less, just like before you had the baby. The rule of thumb to follow in this situation is an old one, “he can look but he can not touch”. Keep it at that, and as long as he doesn’t break that rule you should be fine.

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  • guest

    I can’t stand when people say “can he stop looking are you serious???” maybe he can’t but there is such a thing as respect and not noticeably checking out women/men,and “he’s married not dead” if he/she has any respect for their partners than there is a thing called looking with discretion and not doing it blatantly..look how many men out there get jealous if their partnerwife looks at another man well now they know how it feels it’s not nice,I would never humiliate my husband by noticeably looking at another man in his presence.Is my husband the jealous type? no but I still wouldn’t disrespect him like that…

  • Goddress

      I started dating someone who liked to look at other women quite obviously.  I told him I didn’t like it.  he became a little more discreet.  Eventually I just broke up with him.  It was no fun to go out with someone who had so much trouble choosing to pay attention to me over random women.  Turns out he had very little sexual experience so I think seeing attractive women was a really anxiety-provoking thing for him.  I kind of felt sorry for him in the end.  I think he’s still single, walking around leering and making women uncomfortable, while I’m in a great relationship with a man who calls me beautiful and treats me that way.  

    if you have a roving-eye guy, dump him. There are lots of good men out there!!!

  • Angelsandi4u

     When I am with my husband, he looks at woman for no reason. Well, if you see some sexy chick, well it is not unnatural to look at as a man, because of hot look of that woman. But why the heck he stare at woman often times? I get really upset and feels like leaving him. When I ask, he says, I just look at like you look at a guy or else he says, you are put garbage into your head and then argue with me. This will damage our relationship. I really do not get this. Do men fancy to have sex with other women they see, even they are in a relationship? or else are they looking for some opportunities secretly (cheating?)

  • SheerGlamour

    Because he doesn’t have it at home, so he looks and probable stares when you are not around him.  It’s the truth!

  • Beissemj

    Attraction is an involuntary response. But there is a difference between appreciating beauty and lusting after it. The reality of the situatiin is he probably does find you less attractive…but then again so do you. None of that means he doesn’t want to be a husband or a dad. Women want guys to be emotionally strong and when guys arent they are “less attractive”. Guys want women to be beautiful and when theh arent they are “less attractive”. Basing your worth off how your husband sees you is codependent and asking him to fullfill a need he was never and can never meet

  • Wendy

    Try telling him you are uncomfortable with him checking out other girls when you go out. He will still look, but if he tries to do it in a way that is less obvious after you told him your feelings, he’s a good guy. If he tells you you are insecure and seems to look even more after you said it, he’s a jerk.

    If he’s a nice guy stick around… If he’s a jerk, divorce him, rake him for alimony & child support, and enjoy your life with your brand new baby!

  • Faithfully Blessed

    You seem to have fallen into the “dog” category. She has every right to feel that

    way about her man. If the tables were turned I am sure he wouldn’t like it and do you really think women would stay with a man they were dating if the had a wandering eye on the 1st or 2nd date? So how can this man control it up until marriage or being exclusive and then after they just let loose? Explain that to me. Don’t give us crap about it’s because he’s a man, it’s natural. Yes, it’s natural to notice an attractive man or woman in your view but second glances or long stares is not ok. These women feel this way because they are faithful to their spouse and expected the same but yet they realize who they really married. A REAL man would tone it down and learn SELF CONTROL. Those that don’t are too selfish to be considerate of their SO’s feelings. Just like a baby that doesn’t know anything and you keep telling them don’t do that or a dog. Yes, you are a dog (Author) and selfish too.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Why do I have the feeling you’re one of these chubby women that just had a baby and feel insecure? You sound bitter. Start exercising for crying out loud!!!

  • Faithfully Blessed

    WOW you are so funny. Can’t handle the truth when you are supposed to be “The Last Honest Guy.” It must hurt because I am not chubby and weight 101, if that’s chubby then you have some serious issues. I think men that have to look at other women when they are with someone is because they themselves are insecure so they have to try to get the females attention to realize they still look ok. I just think your advice is screwed up telling her that she needs to eat healthier and get fit when her husband is probably a fat slob. Funny how women have to maintain and do all these things for men and do you know what goes on through a woman’s mind when guys that are with girls look at them? They feel sorry for the woman, they think what a loser and that guy is immature. I get lots of stares and I KNOW there are men that have enough self control to not look. Maybe YOU need to take a look at yourself and stop thinking that your advice is God’s gift to women. Sorry, but the truth hurts.

  • Letitrock

    Faithfully blessed: you rock! Thelasthonestguy: you suck. People need realistic and honest answers here. All of us in this planet, women and men need boundaries and limitations to coexist. Respect is the most important aspect in any relationship and even tough it is natural to appreciate beauty, a second glance or staring at other human being (boy or a girl) is wrong. So, to all the guys out there: stop giving cheap excuses and lead by example! Girls: demand respect and love yourself.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    And that kind of mentality will keep you single and lonely forever! Ouch!

  • Letitrock

    Hottest and happiest wife on earth! 🙂
    I’m sorry, but you are so wrong. My hubby used to have that behavior.
    I talked to him about boundaries and limitations essential to have a balanced and functional relationship. We agreed on the fact that we all appreciate beauty; men and women as equals, but there is always a limit that you should always respect. For all the girls out there: they key is communication. Now, if your guy is a retarded jerk you might want to rethink your situation. No one under any circumstance have the right yo disrespect or hurt your feelings. No one.

  • Faithfully Blessed

    Glad you and your hubby were able to work things out. You know what I noticed? The staring was going on the time he looked at porn. When the porn was gone it didn’t happen as much but we have been communicating and he seems to be doing better. I bet you porn is a HUGE factor on causing men to have wandering eyes. Ladies if you are with a guy with a porn addiction he needs to get help or leave him if he doesn’t care about your feelings. It will only get worse from there.

  • Letitrock

    True. Another recommendation that I have for all the ladies with this issue is try to plan outdoor activities. The pressure of the day to day life sometimes lead to bad habits.
    Porn can be your ally or your best enemy. Once in a while you guys can watch a movie togheter to “spice up your relationship”?!? It’s a lot better when you share those kind of things cause it gives you the possibility to manage or somehow control it. It’s like any other bad habit, in excess is not good.
    Still trying to figure it out. My case is a bit more complicated cause he is a very selfcentered person, very stuck up . Beforee me, he had a “player” reputation which was difficult to deal with. Let’s see, this can be energy draining and frustrating sometimes., but I think it all depended on how functional the couple
    Is and the level of commitment.
    What happened with Mr lasthonestguy?

  • The Last Honest Guy

    All that really means is he’s just more careful not to get caught by his ball-busting wife! Again, ouch!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    If you’re boyfriend needs porn to get aroused, that means you’re not doing your job in the bedroom!

  • Letitrock

    LOL!! You are not only contradicting yourself but you just lost all your credibility!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    I can really care less about your opinion in regards to this site. Closed minded individuals such as yourself are not our target audience. You’re are more than welcome to move on to other sites such as Oprah or Dr Laura. Those sites will suit you well…

  • Girl

    ‘You also sound extremely selfish by saying “why can’t I be the only one he looks at?” ‘ well thelasthonestguy to me it seems this woman’s real underlying query was completely missed, especially when giving advice about getting fit. It would make sense for a guy giving advice to understand his audience before giving advice.

    To the women reading:
    Males will look at female shapes, even mannequins or cardboard cut outs can catch their eye. It is the shape of something not the woman herself. If you took the attribute he is looking at and separated it from a whole body (ie. photo) he will still have some desire to look at it as it’s the shape that triggers the tool operating compartment of his primal brain. That is why males can easily objectify women and talk about them like car parts. Sometimes they look involuntarily and don’t remember the glance either, very different to women’s brains. Our looking is more discriminatory and so means more therefore we assume our male partner is wired the same way we are and so get upset by giving it more weight but they are not – a physical attribute is just a physical attribute to men.

    You don’t have to like it or accept it in your presence, it’s ok to ask for him to show manners.

  • Girl

    Wow! Read up on porn addiction and how it can lead to erectile dysfunction. Some serious education and maturity is needed on this site before saying anything, please.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    It only leads to erectile dysfunction when the spouse or girlfriend is too fugly to turn him on. Not surprised.

  • Jon Ashford

    Bet the person that wrote the above is a man or a woman who’s never had kids, jogging in the park isn’t easy after having a baby!

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Achieving goals in life are not easy. It takes time, dedication and effort. Stop making up excuses.

  • Crazy azz

    Asshole lol