My husband and I just had our first child 3 months ago & ever since then I’ve been feeling less then attractive & all of a sudden his slight glances at other women have been bothering me so badly. I feel so inadequate and disgusting and I just feel like I look like a monster. But why can’t he stop looking at other women? He tells me I’m gorgeous and I’m the only one he wants and he’s in love with and we have sex all the time but why am I not good enough for him? Am I missing something he wants? Why can’t I be the only one he looks at? I just want to be good enough for him and I don’t feel like I am. I hate this feeling, I hate feeling like I hate myself and I’m not good enough to please him and he looks at other people, is it possible to stop this??
You seem to notice your husband looking at other women more now than you did before and you have also mentioned that you had a child three months ago, hummm… Why do I get the impression that this may be a result of you feeling unattractive and being too over conscious?
Women often feel this way after a pregnancy, your body has just gone through some major changes and of course you are feeling unpleasant with yourself and as a result you become more attentive to things you used to overlook before. In this case you seem to notice that your husband looks at other women more now than before but chances are that he has always looked at other women it’s just that you notice it a lot more now.
Ask yourself this, how many times does your husband look at other men when you guys are out? I’m willing to bet you don’t even notice that at all but the reality is that we always look at other people in general. Sometimes we look at other men because we might think is someone we know or simply because we might cross paths and we need to make eye contact to know which side to walk by, other times we simply notice a hat another guy might be wearing, etc, the point is that this same instances happens whether the other persons happens to be a woman or not, the difference is that when it is another woman you notice.
You also sound extremely selfish by saying “why can’t I be the only one he looks at?”
C’mon, are you really serious? He’s married to you and he’s still by your side and hasn’t left, that to me makes you the only one in his life. So, please stop acting like a victim and making unreasonable demands. By doing this you’re just creating unnecessary problem in the relationship and trust me, that’s the last thing you want to have.
Let me give you this quick analogy, when you go to a restaurant and order your favorite plate and the waiter later walks by with a different plate for the table next to you, do you ever take a glance at that plate just to see how good it looks? I think we all do, but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to eat our favorite plate or stop liking it. So please knock it off, as I said before, it’s wiser to try to minimize all unnecessary drama.
The simple solution to all this is obvious, if you’re feeling uncomfortable with your physical appearance then start by changing you eating habits (besides the healthier you eat the better for the baby) and start exercising. Please don’t make lame excuses that you have a three month old baby that takes up all your time because I see lots of women that take their babies to in a stroller to the park and jog at the same time. If your appearance really bothers you this much you will find the will power to do it.
Also, note that your husband’s behavior may never chance (its normal), but if you feel better about yourself you will feel confident and notice it less, just like before you had the baby. The rule of thumb to follow in this situation is an old one, “he can look but he can not touch”. Keep it at that, and as long as he doesn’t break that rule you should be fine.